90 days ago, I set a personal biggest loser challenge in my post: If all else fails. Resort to Shame.  The goal: a weight drop from 210.6 to a flat 200 lbs in 90 days.  Outcome: 197.6.  Talk about a smack-down!  Here’s the guaranteed 6-step winning formula:

1. Be sure to start your diet after aggressively running up your weight. Heavy intake of salt retaining food works best. (Fill your intestines with Thai food + Pasta + Fried Chicken lathered in Häagen-Dazs. Get it up quickly. You know you’re there when you struggle to get your wedding ring off. And be so disgusted with yourself, you have no choice but to run this down. See #2 below for salt flush.)
2. Cut out soda, fruit drinks, flavored water, orange juice – – anything that tastes good – – and replace with water. (In other words, swell yourself like a dirigible – this kills your appetite and gets you more exercise at night running to and from the potty.)
3. On a best efforts basis, don’t eat after 7 pm. (Snacking almonds and cheese sticks with your dog are expressly permitted.)
4. Exercise 40 days out of 90 days. (44%. Pathetic! Less in than out? Bunk. Less in. Period.)
5. Post your weight daily on your blog. (Shame DOES work.)
6. And the secret sauce, replace all ice cream intake with sugar free, 10 calorie, kiddy-sized Jell-O. (1 minimum and up to 6 maximum single servings per day aka one six-pack carton. Could I be addicted? To kiddy Jell-o? And for all of you looking to scold me about the vast amount of chemical preservatives ingested, have 6 Jell-o’s on me.  No alfalfa sprouts are going to touch the inside of this tank.)

Next Goal Post:

• January 1, 2014.
• Maintain 200 lbs through the Thanksgiving/Christmas feedings.
• Back to you on January 1 with an update.

Time to celebrate the victory. With?

Haagen-Dazs Pistachio Ice Cream!

Image Credit