Biggest Loser: Six Guaranteed Steps To Achieve Weight Loss

jell-o 10 calories sugar free
90 days ago, I set a personal biggest loser challenge in my post: If all else fails. Resort to Shame.  The goal: a weight drop from 210.6 to a flat 200 lbs in 90 days.  Outcome: 197.6.  Talk about a smack-down!  Here’s the guaranteed 6-step winning formula:

  1. Be sure to start your diet after aggressively running up your weight. Heavy intake of salt retaining food works best. (Fill your intestines with Thai food + Pasta + Fried Chicken lathered in Häagen-Dazs. Get it up quickly. You know you’re there when you struggle to get your wedding ring off. And be so disgusted with yourself, you have no choice but to run this down. See #2 below for salt flush.)
  2. Cut out soda, fruit drinks, flavored water, orange juice – – anything that tastes good – – and replace with water. (In other words, swell yourself like a dirigible – this kills your appetite and gets you more exercise at night running to and from the potty.)
  3. On a best efforts basis, don’t eat after 7 pm. (Snacking almonds and cheese sticks with your dog are expressly permitted.)
  4. Exercise 40 days out of 90 days. (44%. Pathetic! Less in than out? Bunk. Less in. Period.)
  5. Post your weight daily on your blog. (Shame DOES work.)
  6. And the secret sauce, replace all ice cream intake with sugar free, 10 calorie, kiddy-sized Jell-O. (1 minimum and up to 6 maximum single servings per day aka one six-pack carton. Could I be addicted? To kiddy Jell-o? And for all of you looking to scold me about the vast amount of chemical preservatives ingested, have 6 Jell-o’s on me.  No alfalfa sprouts are going to touch the inside of this tank.)

Next Goal Post:

  • January 1, 2014.
  • Maintain 200 lbs through the Thanksgiving/Christmas feedings.
  • Back to you on January 1 with an update.

Time to celebrate the victory. With?

Haagen-Dazs Pistachio Ice Cream!


Image Credit

Comments

  1. Best of luck with you goals! Have you ever tried cleansing?

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  2. tribeprincess says:

    Water is really, really helpful. 8 to 10 glasses a day. I used to take this fact for granted, but now I can testify for this. Thanks for this! I will add the don’t-eat-after-7pm to my regimen.

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  3. tribeprincess says:

    May I add, skipping rope helps big time!

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  4. You’re a Yo-Yo, for sure…time to celebrate with Haagen-Dazs??? Okay, go with it, I guess…you should feel proud of yourself. Congratulations David. And you really WERE brave to post your progress on your blog. You feel better, don’t you? Good luck keeping it off through the holidays. 🙂

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  5. I loved reading this! I am still laughing! 😉

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  6. Congratulations!

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  7. Peggy Farrell Schroeder says:

    Way to go Dave! Enjoy that ice cream!

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  8. Too funny! But, you did surpass your goal. Congrats David!

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  9. love your rules, especially number one–gotta make the whole thing worthwhile

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  10. LOL. Congrats, pal, I’m proud of you, though I have to tell you that the jello is a ruse…that is NOT a foodstuff. I’ll be pulling for you through the holiday stretch–you can do this! 🙂

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  11. Good on you – the effort is worth it and I agree with the no snacks after 7pm. that one really holds true for me. 🙂

    Way to go – proud of you!! MJ

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  12. Congratulations – whatever it takes pal. You did it – though I had no doubt you would. And btw, they were selling jell-o in bulk at our Costco last week. Wish I had known – I would have sent some your way. Personally, I don’t like the after-taste to the sugar-free, but chaq-un a son gout (to each his own taste)…

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  13. Goodluck with that! Have you thought of Dukan Diet? Been keeping that and now it’s like a lifestyle for me. It’s pretty good.

    Goodluck again!

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  14. Put that demon Haagen-Dazs down! Back to Jello!

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  15. Alex Jones says:

    Congratulations, no Sumo contests for you!

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  16. Today I am at 201.5. Time for the sugar free Jell-O. Thanks for leading the way!
    – Michael

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  17. Michael Zahaby says:

    Congrats, and thanks for the Jello tip. A good one

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  18. AWESOME! 🙂 Keep it up!

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  19. LaDona's Music Studio says:

    Hilarious! Congratulations! My mantra: more out than in. Repeat a thousand times a week if necessary.

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  20. Congratulations!! You did it! And you can do it! Jello is fun–it jiggles, pistachio ice cream is better. Limit yourself to one spoon and you’ll be o.k.

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  21. excellent and funny. in keeping with your #1 – i always tend to ‘bulk up’ with as much junk/food craving items of my affection, as part of my training regimen when preparing for a weight loss. just like rocky. congrats on your forward march towards your goals )

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  22. Sandra Collins says:

    I have a super slow metabolism, I tried Garcinia Cambogia and it helped not so much in loosing pounds on the scale but more inches coming off and noticing a difference in the way my clothes fit. I have also been working out more since I started taking the pills so I’m not so sure if it’s just a mental thing where I’m more focused on making better decisions such as working out and eating better that could also be the reason for the weight loss. It works nothing like the celebrity adds say it does, but regardless, Remember there is no free lunch. You must exercise to derive the full effect. see the ratings at health-savings.net

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