I can't sleep…
Scott Addington writes, “As is often the case, my purpose became clearly evident after I had stopped looking for it. On October 11, 1995, my daughter was born. Beginning with that moment, there has never been the slightest doubt regarding the purpose and source of meaning in my life. Being a father is the most meaningful and rewarding pursuit a man could ever hope to experience.”
~ David Brooks, Hearts Broken Open
Photo: wilstar
I could grumble about the rain and the discomfort, but after all, rain affirms what this country is. Today I stand face to face with the maker of it all, the source of its beauty and abundance, and I love the rain as desert people love the sun. I remember that the human body is ninety-eight percent water, and so, more than anything else, rain is the source of my own existence. I imagine myself transformed back to the rain from which I came. My hair is a wispy, wind-torn cloud. My eyes are rainwater ponds, glistening with tears. My mind is sometimes a clear pool, sometimes an impenetrable bank of fog. My heart is a thunderstorm, shot through with lightning and noise, pumping the flood of rainwater that surges inside my veins. My breath is the misty wind, whispering and soft one moment, laughing and raucous another. I am a man made of rain.
~ Richard Nelson, The Island Within
Photo: Journal of a Nobody
At this moment, there must be more raindrops falling on the surface of the island than there are humans on earth, perhaps more than all the humans who ever lived. I’ve thought of raindrops as tiny and insignificant things, but against the scale of earth itself, they’re scarcely smaller than I am. On what basis, then, can I consider myself more important? Koyukon elders say that each kind of weather, including rain, has its own spirit and consciousness. If this is true, there must be a spirit within every raindrop, as in all else that inhabits the earth. In this sense, we are two equal forms of being who stand in mutual regard. I bend down to look at a crystal droplet hanging from a hemlock needle and know my own image is trapped inside. It’s humbling to think of myself this way. In the broader perspective of earth, I am nothing more than a face in a raindrop.
~ Richard Nelson, The Island Within
Image: freefoto.com
Thursday morning.
We’re on the 8:01 a.m. train to Grand Central.
Eric is seated across from me.
His head is leaning against the window.
His eyes are closed.
His body is swaying with the slow turns of the track.
I look. I take a long look. And I’m rolling back 17 years.
He’s clutching his Mother’s right hand, scooching to keep up, his oversized blue backpack bounces up and down. Mom let’s go of his hand. He looks back. His lower lip is quivering. His arm reaches back for his Mother while his Kindergarten teacher welcomes him into the building.
Blink.
And so, here we are. Father and Son are commuting to Manhattan. Day 1 of Son’s first paying job.
I take inventory. From bottom up.
He’s wearing his Dad’s hand-me-down black, plain-toe oxford shoes. 45 minutes earlier he asks: “Do I need to polish my shoes?” College student with a 3.95 GPA is looking down at the dust and scuff marks. He doesn’t bother looking at Dad. 21 years of co-habitation and 21 years of absorbing sharp nips and tucks of Patriarchal coaching, instinct tells him that it’s a bad decision. Dad grabs the shoes and cleans them up. “Can I borrow your socks Dad.” “Take what you need.” Continue reading “Riding Metro-North. Day 1 for (My) Workin’ Man.”
