4:59 a.m.
Dark Sky reports 71° F. Cloudy for three hours. 22 minutes til sunrise. And…95% humidity.
I’m out the door. The edge of night has turned. I’m late. Disappointment drips. Morning brings others. I’m part way through Catherine Lacey’s “The Answers” where she explains: “Some people need to be unseen, to be alone, to be unreachable. And there was nothing wrong with this…” This felt so right, so me. Yet, I would have finished it differently…“And there is everything right with this.”
It’s not been a good week – not a single, self-inflicted act, but a culmination of events. A cumulative pile-up of sleep deficit.
- 4 hours. (Monday)
- 5 hours. (Tuesday)
- 5 hours. (Wednesday)
- 6 hours (Thursday)
- 4 hours (Friday)
- 6 hours (Saturday)
A cumulative deficit of 18 hours. The insomniac gets through his days, 1/2 present, 1/2 hallucinating. This Man, blessed to be migraine-free, now has intermittent lightening bolts sizzle – Warning shots – Wake-up calls.
It’s a new habit. Deep sleep for two to four hours and then UP, followed by half-a**ed attempts to get back to sleep.
The e-equipment on the night stand beckons. Work emails. 5-6 books at various stages of completion. Early morning editions of the newspapers. Blog posts. A dozen unplayed podcasts. Music playlists.
No. Don’t reach for it. Don’t touch it. [Read more…]