You can’t transform mountebanks into menschen. Character is like concrete: You can make an impression when it’s freshly poured, in its youth, one could say, but when it sets, it’s impervious to alteration.
~ Charles M. Blow, Satan in a Sunday Hat (NY Times, July 31, 2017)
Notes: Image Credit
A few days ago I was at a conference in Montreal, and a Canadian gentleman, trying to grasp what’s happening to America, asked me a simple question: “What do you fear most these days?”
I paused for a second, like a spectator waiting to see what would come out of my own mouth. Two things came out: “I fear we’re seeing the end of ‘truth’ — that we simply can’t agree any more on basic facts. And I fear that we’re becoming Sunnis and Shiites…but the sectarianism that has destroyed nation-states in the Middle East is now infecting us.”…
So when I got home, I called my teacher and friend Dov Seidman…and asked him what he thought was happening to us.
“What we’re experiencing is an assault on the very foundations of our society and democracy — the twin pillars of truth and trust,” Seidman responded. “What makes us Americans is that we signed up to have a relationship with ideals that are greater than us and with truths that we agreed were so self-evident they would be the foundation of our shared journey toward a more perfect union — and of respectful disagreement along the way…
But when there is no “we” anymore, because “we” no longer share basic truths, Seidman argued, “then there is no legitimate authority and no unifying basis for our continued association.”…
While our system can’t function without leaders with formal authority, what makes it really work, he added, is “when leaders occupying those formal positions — from business to politics to schools to sports — have moral authority. Leaders with moral authority understand what they can demand of others and what they must inspire in them. They also understand that formal authority can be won or seized, but moral authority has to be earned every day by how they lead. And we don’t have enough of these leaders.”
In fact, we have so few we’ve forgotten what they look like. Leaders with moral authority have several things in common, said Seidman: “They trust people with the truth — however bright or dark. They’re animated by values — especially humility — and principles of probity, so they do the right things, especially when they’re difficult or unpopular. And they enlist people in noble purposes and onto journeys worthy of their dedication.”
~ Thomas L. Friedman, excerpts from Where Did the People Go (NY Times, June 21, 2017)
Notes:
People ask me all the time what the secret to happiness is. “If you had to pick just one thing,” they wonder, “what would be the most important thing for leading a happy life?”
Ten years ago, I would have told you a regular gratitude practice was the most important thing—and while that is still my favorite instant happiness booster, my answer has changed. I believe the most important thing for happiness is living truthfully. Here’s the specific advice I recently gave my kids:
Live with total integrity. Be transparent, honest, and authentic. Do not ever waiver from this; white lies and false smiles quickly snowball into a life lived out of alignment. It is better to be yourself and risk having people not like you than to suffer the stress and tension that comes from pretending to be someone you’re not, or professing to like something that you don’t. I promise you: Pretending will rob you of joy.
I’ve spent the better part of my life as a people-pleaser, trying to meet other people’s expectations, trying to keep everyone happy and liking me. But when we are trying to please others, we are usually out of sync with our own wants and needs. It’s not that it’s bad to be thinking of others. It’s that pleasing others is not the same as helping others.
~ Christine Carter, Ph.D.
Don’t miss the rest of her great post here: Why It Doesn’t Pay to be a People Pleaser
Notes:
Q: What moves you most in a work of literature?
A: Honesty, vulnerability, moments of forgiveness and redemption, and a recognition that we are all small and our lives so short.
~ Helen Macdonald: By the Book, The author of a 2015 Best Book of the Year: “H Is for Hawk”
Notes:
“I learned that when the going gets tough, I’ve got to stick in there a bit more and I’ve got to grind it out. There’s no excuse for quitting, and it doesn’t set a good example for the kids watching me, trying to emulate what I do. It wasn’t good for a whole lot of reasons, for the tournament, the people coming out to watch me. I feel like I let a lot of people down with what I did last week and you know, for that I am very sorry.”
~ Rory McIlroy, 23, is the world’s No. 1 golfer.
He was seven over par after eight holes and looking at another potential bogey or worse after his second shot on the par-5 18th landed in the water. He withdrew without finishing his ninth hole. An hour later, he released a statement saying a sore wisdom tooth had made it impossible for him to continue.
Good for you young man. Good for you to own up…
Source: New York Times
Related Posts:
HBR Blog Network: The Data’s In: Honesty Really Does Start at the Top
“We have found the top managers in an organization create a ceiling — that is, leaders the next level down tend to be rated lower than their managers on every leadership dimension — and that includes their honesty and integrity. In other words, levels of honesty are set at the top and can only go downhill from there…”
“It’s hard to reach the 90th percentile in anything, of course, and honesty is no different. So when we ran across one of those exceptional individuals (who hit the elusive 90th percentile mark on his ratings for honesty and integrity), we wanted to have a word with him…Explaining just what a difficult feat it is to receive feedback marks that remarkably high, we asked him: “What is your secret?” After all, it’s not like in his role he hadn’t confronted his share of temptation or hard trade-offs.
Sendak, in his quote below, summarizes my operating philosophy.
I’m certainly not the most intelligent leader. (Thundering applause in the stadium from my team – – in complete agreement.)
And, not the best strategic operator. Or even possess average analytical skills compared to the crackerjacks I’m surrounded by. (Roof coming off stadium – Team giddy in agreement.)
However. However, as to “fierce honesty” – FIERCE HONESTY, there’s no doubting the boss on his proclamation of competence in this area. (You can now hear a pin drop. With murmurs and grumbling oozing out of the rafters.)
Don’t let your team down.
Don’t let your team members get unfairly punished.
Don’t let your team “be dealt with a boring, simpering, crushing-of-the-spirit kind of way.”
In other words, L-E-A-D.
Live & Learn 