I’m in the car off to work.
I’m scanning my playlist to find a match to my mood. I’m challenged. Nothing seems to fit. Nothing that is, except the weather.
Mind pans back ten years. A sunny day in Miami. A lazy Sunday afternoon. She loves car rides. The sun roof is open. Andrea Bocelli is crooning on the cd player. We’re crossing the Rickenbacker Causeway. The City center is on our left. Biscayne Bay’s shimmering aquamarine blues are on the right. A warm tropical breeze is gushing through the windows. I look over and her eyes are closed and her hair is blowing in the wind. A portrait of youthful bliss. An indelible image that can be pulled up at will.
She said her goodbyes yesterday. Her holiday break is over and she’s heading back to college. The final term of her junior year. Time, yet again, setting its own blistering pace.
Ten minutes before jumping into the car, I walk down the hallway. Everyone, including Zeke, was fast asleep. I debated for a split second. Why wake her? And then wondered how many chances I would have left. Chances to live in the same house with my daughter and kiss her goodbye on my way to work.
I grope around in the dark to find her cheek. She rustles and turns.
“Goodbye Honey. Have a safe trip back. I hope you had a wonderful vacation.”
“Goodbye Daddy. I did. I love you.”
I come across Chris Botti’s rendition of “Time to Say Goodbye.” Tears streaming. With her “Goodbye Daddy” echoing in my head for the remaining ride to the office.
There is no light in a room where there is no sun and there is no sun if you’re not here with me, with me. Into me you’ve poured the light…When you’re far away I dream of the horizon and words fail me. And of course I know that you’re with me, with me. You, my moon, you are with me. My sun, you’re here with me with me, with me, with me.