Wally’s Great Adventures #72. (VOLUME UP – AC DC) hello friends, wally here. a few days ago dad shared my inventory of ‘dont likes.’ now its time to share the first in the series of My Likes. my bestest like ever is to drag my bones under the kitchen table where dad is eating and then keep jamming them into his giant feet until he gets the message – he then grips onto the bone with his feet while i gnaw and gnaw and gnaw at them. mom said that this is one of the few things that dad is really good at. i didn’t think that was nice of mom to say that, but we both snickered…good one mom. have a great hump day!
Tag: Funny
Wally’s Great Adventures (71)
Wally’s Great Adventures #71. (VOLUME UP: BABY YOU’RE NO GOOD). hello friends, wally here. i’m sorry for being away so long, it’s almost been a whole entire month. i’d tell you why but dad said i would be in massive trouble. anyhoo, i’ll get you all caught up. it was my 10th month birthday last week (and i got no cake). i’m up to 18 lbs now, and dad just shakes his head. he said maybe he should start calling me Willy Wally, or Chubby, Chunky, Stubby or Stumpy. i told him I prefer my birth name, or Stout or Husky. he said I ain’t no Husky, and Stout won’t work either for a giant baked potato. That wasn’t very nice at all. I’ve been going on walks with Mom. I don’t like walks, they are so boring. I’d rather stay home and snack with Dad. this week dad decided to take inventory of my likes and don’t likes. and he said the list of dont likes is very long. here we go: 1) i don’t like walks, 2) I dont like to chase the stoopid ball, 3) I won’t (WILL NOT) go down the stairs, they are so scary, but I can scooch up the stairs no problemo. I’ll sit on top of the stairs quietly until someone notices I’m missing, and then they come and get me. 4) I don’t like hot weather. 5) I don’t like rain 6) I’m so scared of thunder and lightening and fireworks and loud noises. 7) I don’t like to walk on the wet grass because my belly drags along the bottom and i get all wet and Dad says I look like a pregnant baby hippo. 8) I don’t like staying in my crate, i will howl at the injustice until dad says he can’t take the madness anymore and he let’s me out – this works every single time. dad says he’s positive there is another 10-15 ‘don’t likes’ but it will have to wait until next time along with my list of 3 ‘likes.’ so that’s it for now. have a great long weekend! Wally.
But I can hopefully give someone who’s had a bad day an hour and a half to go into a different world where bills or illness isn’t the top thing on their brain. That’s the only skill set I really have. So I have to keep trying.
The worst thing about being famous for Melissa McCarthy is how hard it’s become to follow strangers around a discount store called Big Lots. This is a shop where you can find, for example, patio furniture, a large rack of lamb, sparkly nail varnish and also an Oscar-nominated actress, twice a week, in sunglasses and facemask, staring at strangers. “It’s my therapy, I just find it wonderful.” she says, lightly.
Not just anyone. She doesn’t want to follow just anyone, she likes to follow, for example, the guy wearing all purple, or with his beard tucked into his belt, or the woman in headphones, singing. “I guess it’s because,” she thinks, “everything we’re sold is about perfection – are you making your own organic baby food? Are you milling your own gluten-free flour? So, I have a true love and obsession for someone who’s just like – this is me.” She grins. “Yes, I get a true rush of joy when I can tell someone’s living just as they want. Somebody who’s, like, really rocking their life, I want to be in their glow for a few minutes. It recharges my batteries.” In another life, would McCarthy be one of those people, roller-skating around a discount store, singing? Would she be beard guy? “I think…” she leans in, “I am one of those people. I am beard guy.” […]
And while McCarthy is known for her charm and good-natured jollity, it’s this kind of thing that brings out the rage in her. “I hate any kind of injustice. And people attacking someone for just trying to be who they truly are. What does it matter to them? Do no harm, be kind – if everyone just followed those two rules, we’d be fine. Not,” as she’s seeing in America right now, “‘you can’t read this book’, ‘You can’t talk about certain histories.’ I don’t have any patience for all that.” When she touches on her angers, she gives a glimpse of the tenacity and grit that doesn’t so much lurk behind her cheery optimism as prop it up and push it forward. “Can you imagine if everybody was just kind for one week? The difference would be so unbelievable I don’t even know how it would feel. And the weird thing is, it’s just… not that hard to do?” […]
“There’s a rhythm or a flow, where my mouth precedes my brain in some form?” It’s not only joyful, she says, “It’s really cathartic….“I can be much better off in life. I spend a lot of my work day just… shredding people, so I’m not screaming at someone at a stoplight because they didn’t go the second it turned green. I can wait a minute. I’m fine. […]
“Comedy allows you to sit next to somebody whose ideas don’t match up. And maybe you come out a little closer. I think that’s what I’m supposed to be doing, in this world.” She thinks. “I can’t do a lot of useful things. I don’t know how to clean up the oceans, or stop our violent tendencies. But I can hopefully give someone who’s had a bad day an hour and a half to go into a different world where bills or illness isn’t the top thing on their brain. That’s the only skill set I really have. So I have to keep trying.” [..]
She has this theory, she says. If two people are standing on opposite street corners, “and one person is screaming hate, just terrible things, while the other person is saying, ‘You’re doing a great job. Keep it up! You’re a good parent!’ everyone’s going to look at the hate screamer, right?” She sighs, it’s what we do, human heads are easily turned. “Partly because, it’s hard to scream compliments. Niceness – it’s not as noticeable. So when I see people out there with microphones literally screaming terrible things, I always want to get like, a slightly bigger microphone.”
This impulse is a trait that she shares with the characters she plays, a compulsion to question the modern world and a bawdy confidence, which inevitably makes everything better. “Actually,” she adds, quite serious now, “I would not mind spending a day on the street corner just randomly complimenting people, really loudly. ‘You have terrific pants on,’ or ‘I love your fringe!’” She thinks for a second. “I’m going to have to do it, aren’t I?” I’m pretty sure, I tell her, she already is.
— Eva Wiseman, excerpts from “Interviewing Melissa McCarthy: ‘I spend a lot of my work shredding people‘” (The Guardian, May 21, 2023)
Wally’s Great Adventures (70)
hello friends, wally here. i’m sorry for being away so long. my friend ray from nashville sent me an email and he said it looked like dad dumped me, and that he’s fallen in love with something called a cigaret, or signet or some stoopid white fluffy thing. i thought about that and it all made sense and would explain why i kept asking dad to borrow his laptop and he wouldn’t let me. he must have been sending love notes to his cigaret. and, oh, just when you think it couldn’t get worse, mom dropped me off at the vet, who shaved my paw, stuck me with a needle, and then everything went blurry and I was out. when i got up, i looked down and i was missi’g my ballies! and it hurt so much down there. i was so shocked to see they were missing that I must have passed out again. when i got up, mom and dad were waiting but dad said he couldn’t bear to look. i asked him how did he think i felt, and he just shuddered. then we came home and mom said that i had to wear a plastic lampshade on my head. and i had to agree with dad, i looked like a circus monkey and dad refused to let me wear a lamp on my head. vet also said that i couldn’t jump and run too much for two weeks, TWO WEEKS! dad said no almost-show-quality dog of his would be off the grid for 2 weeks and interrupt training…but for a few days i’m resting, taking short walks with mom and going on car rides with dad. so that’s it for now. Wally.
Wally’s Great Adventures (69 – VOLUME UP)
hello friends, wally here. dad’s show quality dog training continues. hmmmmm. dad’s been taking me out for nature walks, which is nice and all, except both days we went it was pouring rain, and i was scrambling to keep up to him as he walks really fast. my belly (undercarriage as dad calls it) wouldn’t even clear the giant puddles so i was sopping wet. dad told me to stop complaining and keep up or a bear will eat me, which sounds frightening. somewhere along the line dad missed the memo that frenchies are in-door lap dogs. dad said enough hiding behind mom’s skirt and its time to start training on how to look fierce and scare bad people. so i’m working on that, as dad says i couldn’t even scare a little kitten, which wasnt nice. that’s all for now. nap time. have a great weekend. Your Scary-Wally.