T.G.I.F: Wally’s Great Adventures (38)

hello friends, wally here. dad says he’s agnostic but today has him spinning and wondering, must be sunday, date of Sabbath, could there really be a God, whatever all this means. what i do know is that, he seemed less angry at / irritated with me which is like huge progress. he said that one day in a row isn’t a miracle but as it pertains to me it’s damn climbing Everest, whatever that means. i’ve not eaten shat or scat, one day in a row. i’ve not shat or peed on the bed or in the house or under the kitchen table, one day in a row. i didn’t yank and yank and yank on my wee wee today, one day in a row.  I didn’t walk around on three feet, with one paw in the air looking up at the sky, like an idiot, one day in a row.  and, mom took me for a walk, i didn’t shake like a little kitten, again as dad emphasizes for God’s Sake. and i walked a full mile without my mommy holding me in her arms like a little girly puppy. dad watched the video with me walking, ‘hauling ass’ he described it, ‘champion little beast’ he called me, ‘show quality’ he whispered… and quickly added, for one day in a row. i could swear i saw a tear on dad’s cheek, i did see a tear, could he be proud of me? I barked at him, and asked him if he was crying and was that a tear? He walked away mumbling and told me to mind my own business. that’s it for today everyone, signing off, Wally, the Champion Little Beast! 

T.G.I.F: Wally’s Great Adventures (37)

hello friends, wally here. dad said one more day like today and i’m going back to where i came from, and mom is going with me.  it all started when I was sitting on the ottoman rubbing my wee-wee. dad asked mom what the hell was i doing. mom said she thinks i found willy world. dad said that’s not funny, and it just can’t be — he said that he had no words for what he was watching, yet he couldn’t stop watching. so I kept doing it because it felt good. dad said that we can add another huge black mark on the ever growing list of wally defects, and why mom got me in a Blue Light Special. dad went on to ask mom if she could imagine wally at the Westminster Dog Show pleasuring himself in the center of the ring. dad yelled at mom and said he would not humiliate himself with this creature that had no scruples. mom then said not to worry, she’s got this all on video. dad walked out and said he couldn’t bear it anymore, that with mom’s training i’m regressing at such a rate that he couldn’t even imagine what will happen tomorrow. burn the video he said, burn it. have a great week. signing out, willy, i mean wally. 

Wally’s Great Adventures (36).

hello friends, wally here. major major trauma around here.  dad asked mom what is going on with my ears, and why are they bending backwards, and that this is more evidence that i am not show quality, and why we got me on sale like stale bread. i didn’t understand all that, and he went on ranting about finding one defect a week. mom googled bendy ears and she found that it was normal esp around teething time. mom is so smart, as i have lost so many teeth this week. dad said this was total nonsense and asked mom if she believed everything she read on the internet and asked mom if her ears were bendy when she was losing her teeth when she was a baby. mom walked away and mumbled something about not engaging with the ignorant. dad told me that is what happens when i hang around mom so much and get babied, everything is bending backwards. Dad said i better start moving my ears back where they belong or he will tape them back with hockey tape to get them right. so i have a lot of work to do, will keep you posted.. have a great week. Wally. 

Wally’s Great Adventures (35).

Wally’s Great Adventures (35). hello friends, wally here. very quiet around here. eric is traveling. dana went home. hi dana! rachel and andrew went home. and my big bro & bff sully went home. mom and dad try to play with me, and they are nice and all but nothing like sully. i miss him. we wrestle, and he lets me win. he let’s me chew on his chewy bone. i lick all the slobber from his face, and lick his wee wee and dad yells at me and asks wth is wrong with me. Then after, i give sully so many kisses and we take long naps together. i’m not sure when he’s coming back, but i hope its soon. have a great week. Wally.

Wally’s Great Adventures (34).

hello friends, wally here. big day today. dad weighed me today and said i weighed 14 lbs, up more than 2x since he adopted me on halloween. dad was so proud, and said i was going to be his little beast. mom smirked, and said a scat eating beast, whatever that means. [Read more…]

Wally’s Great Adventures (33).

Wally’s Great Adventures (33). hello friends, wally here. i was outside scouting for vermin & came across a big pile of black jelly beans that someone dropped. they didn’t taste like jelly beans or black beans or any kind of beans that i know of. i thought maybe if i ate a bunch of them they would taste better. dad was staring at his gadget at the other end of the yard, and i was gobbling them up as fast as i could. They didn’t taste anything as good as the few pieces of banana that dad snuck to me earlier in the morning. then i saw dad rushing towards me. ‘WALLY! YOU ARE NOT EATING SCAT. SHIT. CRAP. DAMN YOU WALLY. I CAN’T LEAVE YOU ALONE FOR 30 SECONDS.’ dad was upset & stuck his giant finger down my throat, i gagged a little and coughed up a few beans. ‘WALLY, YOU CAN’T BE EATING THIS SHIT.” dad is so smart, they didn’t really taste that good, they tasted awful actually, i threw up a little in my mouth. mom got home, i’m so glad that dad didn’t tell her, i think dad was afraid that he would get yelled at. i love mom but dad is my bff. we have each others back when we get in trouble. after lunch mom took me to go poop and mom said i had diarrhea poop, dad calls it shitting like a goose. mom asked dad if he had any idea why i was shitting like a goose. dad said thats because i want to be a bird hunting dog. mom did.not.think.it.was.funny.at.all. dad then said it could have been from the few pieces of banana wally had. ‘Wally had banana all by hisself, she asked?’ well, no. mom was angry. when she gets like this, dad for reasons of insanity piles on, he told her that i ate a pile of SCAT.SHIT.CRAP. wow, mom came unhinged. i never saw mom that mad. she stormed into the garage, grabbed a giant shovel, & went to bury the SCAT.SHIT.CRAP. dad & i went upstairs to hide while the storm blew over. i sat on the bed. “WALLY! WTH IS THAT? IS THAT HOW A SHOW DOG SITS? PLEASE TELL ME THAT ISNT A CURTSY. DID MOM TEACH YOU THAT?’ dad’s been working so hard with his training and it just isnt taking. i’ll try harder tomorrow. have a great day everyone! Wally.

Wally’s Great Adventures (32).

Wally’s Great Adventures (32). hello friends, wally here. i was sitting minding my own business and heavy-footed dad stomps round the corner in the kitchen asking me what i was doing. i told him that i was waiting for something to fall off the cutting board. he said, not that dummy. he asked why i was sitting all splayed out like that. splayed out like what i said. like that he said pointing at my legs. i told him that all frenchies sit like this. he told me he didn’t care what all frenchies did, he cared what i did, and that i looked like an idiot. i barked at him and told him that wasn’t very nice. then he did told me some stoopid story about jimmy frenchie jumping off a bridge and asked me would i do that. of course I wouldn’t, i didn’t get it. [Read more…]

Wally’s Great Adventures (31).

Wally’s Great Adventures (31). hello friends, wally here. so rachel told me to be careful with dad’s coaching, because when she was a little tyker like me, dad told her she could be whatever she put her mind to be. so she put her mind to being an olympic platform diver, she did a back dive from the edge of the pool, and crashed into the concrete with her back. dad said “BAD EXAMPLE,” as any idiot should know that you need to jump out far enough to clear the edge. anyway, dad was on me about lifting my paw again. i barked at him and told him that I wanted to be a bird hunting dog. After he stopped laughing and calling me names like ‘short’ ‘chubby’ ‘squatty,’ he said i could never get my ‘low rider’ carriage moving fast enough to flush birds. i barked at him, told him that wasn’t nice, said he was wrong and i could grow up to be anything i put my mind to be. and I told him that I would not retrieve his stoopid balls. he then chased me around the back yard telling me to stop looking in the sky with my paw in the air because those were airplanes and not birds, whatever that meant, but i’m going to show him, i’m going to best bird dog ever. that’s all for today. have a great weekend everyone! Wally!

  

 

 

Wally’s Great Adventures (30).

Wally’s Great Adventures (30). hello friends, wally here. i was out in backyard sniffing around checking things out, never more than a few feet from dad, his hulking presence lurking. this “do it Wally do it Wally do it Wally do it Wally”, i mean really. who needs the pressure to go poo poo and who can do it like on demand. i mean this get-it-done-now attitude may work at work-work but here, wow. mom asked me what those red spots were on my belly, i barked and told her its from all this pressure dad is putting on me. mom always asks why i look so serious, and i barked and told her, wouldn’t you be serious with dad’s ‘7×24 coaching’, she laughed, ‘i’ve had 39 years of ‘that.’ i love mom, but she must be really tough. then get this, while we were outside, dad asked me why i kept lifting my paws, one and then the other. i barked and said why? why? I barked again, why would I lift my paws from the frosty, freezing-cold grass while he stands there in his wool socks, his giant lined snow boots and a down jacket???? then dad gets on his box, Eric and Rachel have a name for this box like soapy-box or idiot-box, something like that and he starts telling me that when he was my age, he used to walk in 3 feet of snow with sneakers, no gloves, for 3 miles to school all by himself in the arctic tundra in canada and he wouldn’t be lifting his paws and complaining like a little baby, and i needed to man-up and stop listening to mom because i’ll get soft. i don’t want to get soft, and i don’t want anymore of these red splotches so i’m going to have to listen to dad as he knows best. that’s all for today. have a great week! wally!

Wally’s Great Adventures (29).

hello friends, wally here. i was helping dad with his work yesterday. he said that it’s a stretch to call it ‘helping’ and that i was a ‘piss-poor’ banker, and i should add that to the list of things i can’t do, incl. can’t fetch shit. i barked at dad and said that wasn’t very nice, and i didn’t want to do stupid fetch or to be a stupid banker staring at a screen all day and not be able to play outside in sunshine, so it didn’t matter if i was bad at those things. dad said i needed a job to make money and buy my own place some day. I told him FALSE!, as i want to be just like eric when i grow up, live at home with mom and dad, get all the great benefits and have to do nothing, what a deal. dad didn’t seem to know how to respond to that. 

i asked dad if we could take a selfie together and share it with all my friends today, and asked him why he didn’t take selfies  — dad said no selfies! and that was that. and since dad and i were chillin’ on the couch this morning i decided i was going to be the best puppy ever. [Read more…]

Wally’s Great Adventures (28).

hello friends, wally here. tgif. so much to share. its been so nice outside, dad has taken my bff sully and me outside to play ball. now i’m still a puppy and all and haven’t seen the world, but Sully and Ball, that is something everybody has to see once. when sully sees ball, he is mental. dad calls him manic or demented or crazed or frenzied, or a lune. for sully it is all about ball. i don’t really get it. I chase sully and ball one or twice and then quit. that’s crazy. dad tries to encourage me to fetch, but that’s crap, why would i do that. so i lay in the grass, and roll around on my back. dad asked ‘what the hell i was doing?’ he then poked me with the ball-chuck-it-stick. I roll on my back again. he pokes me harder so i growl at him and tell him if he doesn’t stop, i will eat his stick. meanwhile sully is still chasing the ball and panting like a madman. I thought my bff was so smart, but i’m having some second thoughts about what’s really going on upstairs there. [Read more…]

Wally’s Great Adventures (27).

hello friends, wally here. i know, i know, its been a long time since last report. i guess i need to come clean. these Wally stories are ghost-written by dad, i know you must be shocked. its not as big of a deal as you think, as he mostly types what i say, dad does almost no editing & he LOVES to edit. anyhoo, dad totally shut down last week & said he wouldn’t help me if i continued to bully sully. BULLY, ME? he said that i steal his chewy bone & then his other bone when mom gives him a new one. i asked dad what he would do, eat a shitty old bone or go after a juicy new one? dad said that wasn’t the bloody point, that i steal all of sully’s shit, steal all of his new & old bones, steal his toys, steal his water bowl & food dish, run surprise kamikaze missions & pounce on sullys head gnawing on his jowls, AND I steal sully’s sleeping spot with mom, & this was way over the top. sully put up with all this crap except for the sleeping situation, dad thinks that’s why sully is pissing all over the bed. LIKE ITS MY FAULT HE’S PISSING ON MOM’S BED. anyhoo, i told dad i would try, but i’m not really going to try, i learned by watching dad, he doesn’t change no matter what, i mean no.matter.what. i am giving sully just a bit more space when sleeping with mom (and he’s since stopped doing bad things on the bed, see!), but i will offer nothing more. ZERO more. btw, those hairy legs in the 2nd photo are dads, sully and i were sleeping under the covers with dad, mom demanded this be disclosed, as her legs aren’t this hairy. third picture dad took at 3am, and do you see sully’s giant head on top of me, its any wonder i can breathe, so you see i give him things. anyway despite all this, i just love sully and he loves me because he doesn’t chomp on my little head when i harass him. i asked dad if we could adopt sully so he could be here always, and you should have seen dad light up, he’s up to something. so stay tuned for more on that. have a good day everyone. Wally.

Wally’s Great Adventures (26).

hello friends, wally here. big drama at the kanigan house. first, a disclaimer, dad got scolded by mom and Eric about my posts being overweight on bowel & bladder movements, & that led to sharp criticism that dad is a poor puppy trainer. well, now, you should have seen the volcano eruption after that, this really set dad off, like i mean way OFF. dad, he who takes criticism so well, launched a volley of (as he likes to call them) factual retorts. “oh, here comes the feedback from mother & son, those with no blogs of their own, no guest posts, zero, like almost near zero contribution to wally’s posts, or wally’s training for posts, or any contribution to wally’s intellectual growth, all of this load entirely being carried by dad, more stress and anxiety added to an overwhelming load that dad has to carry. mom and eric turned silent after this cavalcade of munitions, which dad took as facts winning out again. back to the story. and yes, it’s about bladder movements. brother sully, 4 years old now, fully potty trained, emptied his bladder, not 1x but 2x on mom & dad’s bed (its moms bed when there is a mess to clean up). so the bladder “dump” seeped through the winter weight comforter, through the bed sheet & landed safely on & was soaked up by the bed pad. i have not seen mom that angry & dad told me she had it in her to come unhinged. ‘I’ve had it, 2 straight days of doing nothing but washing bedding, KING SIZED BEDDING. anyhoo, these days, my occasional little piles (or pies as dad calls them) under the kitchen table are looking pretty good right now. Dad reminded sully that he’s here for another 2 weeks, so if there is anymore bullshit, he’s going into solitary confinement (that sounds bad). Next update, christmas presents, which have been overshadowed by mom & dad’s bed being a potty. have a great night everyone. Wally.

Wally’s Great Adventures (13)

hello everyone, wally here. soooooo, short update on the big news today. mom bought all these fancy dog toys when i joined the family last month, a whole basket full of toys. mom is so nice. i love mom. dad said he will need to get a 2nd job to fund all these wally expenses. mom said but isn’t he worth it?!…dad said mom could get a paycheck producing job like she promised 30 years ago after the kids went to school. mom just laughed at him and said but who would care for wally and what good is dad for if she went to work. i barked at mom saying good one mom. any who, back to the big news. i cant tell mom but dad is better than mom at play time, so much better. today he gave me an empty plastic Snapple bottle and i chased and banged and chewed it all day long. it is like the best toy ever. and the great thing is that dad drinks 5 of these a day so there is like an endless supply of them, and dad said these are mostly free compared to the expensive toys mom buys. dad is so smart. dad said when mom isnt around maybe he will open up the pantry and just let me at it. wow. i can’t wait. eric looked at me in that 2nd pic and said that i’m the next neil armstrong astronaut and that i may go to the moon. that’s just so amazing. so i when i went out to go pee pee tonight, i saw this beautiful moon and i asked mom and dad to take a picture of me in front of the moon. that’s my paw walking on the moon…so cool, right? dad said that if i keep peeing in the house, i’m definitely going straight to the moon. no problem dad, wally on the moon, i’m ready. so more to come on the moon thing, stay tuned. good night everyone. wally signing out.

Wally’s Great Adventures (12)

hello everyone, wally here. soooooo, is that your wally up there in the photo sniffing juicy things? that would be NO! that would be sully, my big bro, who is visiting this week. i love sully but dad has taken sully out with him every morning, and me? zero times. sully told me today that i missed a HUGE day, that dad was just giddy with the morning twilight show, pictures here. when i barked at dad, dad told me to stop whining and grow up and when i’m a big boy like sully maybe he will take me.  hmpffffffffff. i’ve learned a lot from listening to dad, so this where he would say “this is total bullsht”.  but, i’m little, i’m discriminated against and as dad would say “there ain’t sht i can do about it” so i decided to show dad that i’m bigger and better than sully.

this is sully and me guarding the house and watching for criminals. yes, i know, it is darien, ct but you just never know when something bad could be running around loose.

and the picture below is sully and me napping in sully’s favorite spot on top of the cushions. (Oh, that was mom’s idea to put the heart around sully and me because i love sully. dad cringed.)

and here’s sully and me playing tug-o-war with his favorite ball. i drink from sully’s water bowl when he drinks, we drink together. we chew on the same bone together. we wrestle together, and i don’t win often but i keep pulling on sully’s jowls to let him know that i’m a tough little guy. so, there are just so many things i’m just as good as sully. yet… [Read more…]

Wally’s Great Adventures (11)

hello everyone, wally here. i’m having an off day, more on that in a moment. that’s me and my bro sully in the pic up top.  he’s here visiting us for thanksgiving. dad calls this the frenchie train. frenchies love to sleep between legs, its warm and safe there. and since sully is older and i’m the baby, i don’t get to pick the pole position. if i bury my head far enough down, i can minimize the downwind vapors. i can’t wait to grow up so i get big-boy privileges. speaking of that, i’ve been having trouble sleeping, and i pee-peed in my day bed today. i’m afraid this may be due to anxiety, because i think i may have been adopted. but mom would never lie, would she? with dad, on the other hand, anything is possible. well, i may be quiet, but i watch. oh, i watch. i watch dad slide sully cheese pizza under the table yesterday. today he sneaks sully a few intra meal snacks.  he thinks i don’t see, but i see. oh, i see.  and this morning, dad was gone with sully for 2 hours for a long walk at cove island park. and wow, he even got sully in a beautiful sunrise shot among other dandies here. and my pic? look at me out of focus with my head up sully’s a**. that’s just not right.  as dad likes to say, i don’t get shat but yelled at, and if things don’t shape up around here, he’s ain’t seen what bad could look like. dad says that i need to be more grateful, as it’s thanksgiving tomorrow. i took some time thinking about dad’s lesson on being grateful. so i looked at the picture he took of me below. look at me. my head is like 3x the size of my body, it’s disproportionately large. mom said that’s normal and i’ll grow into my body. dad asks mom if that is why we got a discount when they bought me. jesus. it’s hard to be grateful with dad’s pep talks. anyway, i had better see some turkey snacks tomorrow, or you are going to see sully rain down hell around here. ok friends, it’s wally’s nap time. happy thanksgiving!

 

 

Wally’s Great Adventures (10)

hello everyone, wally here. i’m helping dad with his planks, planks so his back doesn’t flare up.  any-who, back to dad.  just look at him. what is flaring up are his ears, his face & the veins on his forehead, we have like a medical emergency here so it is wally to the rescue. i first crawled underneath dad hoping to prop him up & dad shouted that this “wasn’t bloody helpful walter.” dad calls me walter when i’m making trouble. still, something was very wrong here. dad was breathing so heavy, and his face was like a tomato, and his arms trembling, i think he was hallucinating & he must be playing the opposite game. so i grabbed the knot in the drawstring from his hoodie & started reefing on it trying to pull dad down. his elbows were broken & wouldn’t come down. “WALLY, GET OUT!” dad looked ill. mom was laughing. i barked telling her that this was not funny & dad was in big trouble.  then dad said he had 10 secs to go and it would be over thank god. omg, dad is dying.  then suddenly dad collapsed to the ground and i thought he was dead so i dropped the drawstring & ran over to his ear & bit down on it to resuscitate him. dad lifted his head & lifted me up with my teeth locked onto his ear, his head like a giant construction crane. it was so much fun and dad was alive!  “DAMN IT WALLY, F*CKING LET GO.”  i barked at dad & told him that wasn’t nice esp since i saved him.  dad rolled around the floor holding his ear saying i made him bleed. come on dad, they are just baby teeth. dad said he was doing crunches tomorrow and i wouldn’t be within 3 miles of him. i don’t know about miles or crunches but i’ll be close by right here to rescue him forever when he’s in trouble. ok friends, it’s wally’s nap time. have a great day.

Wally’s Great Adventures. Day 1: Noah’s Ark.

here we are. my new mom is holding me. we’re outside of something called noah’s ark, or new ark or newark. i look around and this sure doesn’t look like a salvation ship to anywhere, but my new mom told me not to worry. but i’m scared, i’m shaking. i left my two siblings and my mom and dad behind. it made me sad to leave them and fly alone. and what’s worse, i didn’t get anything to eat, because they were worried i would go poopy on the plane. mom whispered to me that “your dad is so cheap, i had to fly coach on the floor, and i shouldn’t complain as i’ve already cost him an arm and a leg.”  i looked at him and he seemed to have both still attached so i didn’t understand. my dad is yelling at us to get in the car as N.J. cops are circling the arrivals area. wow, this is my dad. what have i got myself into here?

i look over at my dad as he drove. he doesn’t smile much. he mumbled something about “getting a puppy at this age warrants some form of sanity test.”  mom pulled out a little baggy with kibbles in it, and i licked them out of her hand. boy, they tasted so good.  dad noticed that I was licking my lips and told mom that i was thirsty. that dad of mine is so smart.  mom bought a little dish and filled it will water. i slurped it all up and looked up at mom. she poured me more. i slurped all that up too. dad said that was enough as it will be coming out my other end all over the car seat and he “wasn’t stopping for nothing in this shit storm” of something called rush hour.

my new mom held me the entire car ride home. she said that she bought me as a birthday gift for my dad, but she’s holding me so tight, I don’t think she’ll ever let me go.  we finally get home, it was a long car ride. and i held my wee wee the entire way because i didn’t think dad would like it if i peed in his car.

so, i ran around the house a bit to check things out. i couldn’t go up the stairs or down the stairs because dad said i was too little, i would take a header and he didn’t want to pay to take me to the hospital.

it was such a stressful day that i needed to take a little rest. here i am in my new bed. i like this bed a lot. it makes me feel safe. between the bed and all the new toys my mom bought for me, i think i’m going to like it here.  i’m learning that mom is a real softy and i know she loves me. (she still hasn’t let me go.) my dad, on the other hand, seems to be a project.  he said that until i can make myself useful, and join him on his morning walks, and walk on the slippery rocks by myself without falling in, i’m practically useless.  i didn’t think that was a nice thing to say on my first day home but you just wait. i may be little, but i’ll show him.

so that’s it for today.

oh, btw, i’m walter, or wally for short. i’m 6 lbs and 11 weeks old. my dad said i can have my own column here on his blog as it might lighten things up a bit. so stay tuned.

have a great sunday!

Do wah diddy diddy dum diddy do

Arrival this afternoon.  Name still pending.

  1. Benny?
  2. Walter / Wally (cousin of Sully)
  3. Bruce (for The Boss)?

Not exactly sure why, but I can’t get Do Wah Diddy Diddy out of my head:

There she he was just a-walkin’ down the street, singin’‘Do wah diddy diddy dum diddy do’Snappin’ her his fingers and shufflin’ her feet, singin’‘Do wah diddy diddy dum diddy do’She He looked good (Looked good)She He looked fine (Looked fine)She He looked good, she he looked fineAnd I nearly lost my mind

Before I knew it she he was walkin’ next to me, singin’‘Do wah diddy diddy dum diddy do’Holdin’ my hand just as natural as can be, singin’‘Do wah diddy diddy dum diddy do’We walked on (Walked on)To my door (My door)We walked on to my doorThen we kissed a little more
Whoa-oh, I knew we was falling in loveYes, I didAnd so I told her all the thingsI’d been dreamin’ of
Now we’re together nearly every single day, singin’‘Do wah diddy diddy dum diddy do’A-we’re so happy, and that’s how we’re gonna stay, singin’‘Do wah diddy diddy dum diddy do’
Well, I’m hers his (I’m hers his)She’s He’s mine (She’s He’s mine)

Indefatigable Drone Chaser

Photo: Eric Kanigan.  Model: Sully, Drone Spotter aka Indefatigable Drone Chaser.

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