Wally’s Great Adventures (36).

hello friends, wally here. major major trauma around here.  dad asked mom what is going on with my ears, and why are they bending backwards, and that this is more evidence that i am not show quality, and why we got me on sale like stale bread. i didn’t understand all that, and he went on ranting about finding one defect a week. mom googled bendy ears and she found that it was normal esp around teething time. mom is so smart, as i have lost so many teeth this week. dad said this was total nonsense and asked mom if she believed everything she read on the internet and asked mom if her ears were bendy when she was losing her teeth when she was a baby. mom walked away and mumbled something about not engaging with the ignorant. dad told me that is what happens when i hang around mom so much and get babied, everything is bending backwards. Dad said i better start moving my ears back where they belong or he will tape them back with hockey tape to get them right. so i have a lot of work to do, will keep you posted.. have a great week. Wally. 

Wally’s Great Adventures (35).

Wally’s Great Adventures (35). hello friends, wally here. very quiet around here. eric is traveling. dana went home. hi dana! rachel and andrew went home. and my big bro & bff sully went home. mom and dad try to play with me, and they are nice and all but nothing like sully. i miss him. we wrestle, and he lets me win. he let’s me chew on his chewy bone. i lick all the slobber from his face, and lick his wee wee and dad yells at me and asks wth is wrong with me. Then after, i give sully so many kisses and we take long naps together. i’m not sure when he’s coming back, but i hope its soon. have a great week. Wally.

Wally’s Great Adventures (34).

hello friends, wally here. big day today. dad weighed me today and said i weighed 14 lbs, up more than 2x since he adopted me on halloween. dad was so proud, and said i was going to be his little beast. mom smirked, and said a scat eating beast, whatever that means. [Read more…]

Wally’s Great Adventures (33).

Wally’s Great Adventures (33). hello friends, wally here. i was outside scouting for vermin & came across a big pile of black jelly beans that someone dropped. they didn’t taste like jelly beans or black beans or any kind of beans that i know of. i thought maybe if i ate a bunch of them they would taste better. dad was staring at his gadget at the other end of the yard, and i was gobbling them up as fast as i could. They didn’t taste anything as good as the few pieces of banana that dad snuck to me earlier in the morning. then i saw dad rushing towards me. ‘WALLY! YOU ARE NOT EATING SCAT. SHIT. CRAP. DAMN YOU WALLY. I CAN’T LEAVE YOU ALONE FOR 30 SECONDS.’ dad was upset & stuck his giant finger down my throat, i gagged a little and coughed up a few beans. ‘WALLY, YOU CAN’T BE EATING THIS SHIT.” dad is so smart, they didn’t really taste that good, they tasted awful actually, i threw up a little in my mouth. mom got home, i’m so glad that dad didn’t tell her, i think dad was afraid that he would get yelled at. i love mom but dad is my bff. we have each others back when we get in trouble. after lunch mom took me to go poop and mom said i had diarrhea poop, dad calls it shitting like a goose. mom asked dad if he had any idea why i was shitting like a goose. dad said thats because i want to be a bird hunting dog. mom did.not.think.it.was.funny.at.all. dad then said it could have been from the few pieces of banana wally had. ‘Wally had banana all by hisself, she asked?’ well, no. mom was angry. when she gets like this, dad for reasons of insanity piles on, he told her that i ate a pile of SCAT.SHIT.CRAP. wow, mom came unhinged. i never saw mom that mad. she stormed into the garage, grabbed a giant shovel, & went to bury the SCAT.SHIT.CRAP. dad & i went upstairs to hide while the storm blew over. i sat on the bed. “WALLY! WTH IS THAT? IS THAT HOW A SHOW DOG SITS? PLEASE TELL ME THAT ISNT A CURTSY. DID MOM TEACH YOU THAT?’ dad’s been working so hard with his training and it just isnt taking. i’ll try harder tomorrow. have a great day everyone! Wally.

Wally’s Great Adventures (32).

Wally’s Great Adventures (32). hello friends, wally here. i was sitting minding my own business and heavy-footed dad stomps round the corner in the kitchen asking me what i was doing. i told him that i was waiting for something to fall off the cutting board. he said, not that dummy. he asked why i was sitting all splayed out like that. splayed out like what i said. like that he said pointing at my legs. i told him that all frenchies sit like this. he told me he didn’t care what all frenchies did, he cared what i did, and that i looked like an idiot. i barked at him and told him that wasn’t very nice. then he did told me some stoopid story about jimmy frenchie jumping off a bridge and asked me would i do that. of course I wouldn’t, i didn’t get it. [Read more…]

Wally’s Great Adventures (31).

Wally’s Great Adventures (31). hello friends, wally here. so rachel told me to be careful with dad’s coaching, because when she was a little tyker like me, dad told her she could be whatever she put her mind to be. so she put her mind to being an olympic platform diver, she did a back dive from the edge of the pool, and crashed into the concrete with her back. dad said “BAD EXAMPLE,” as any idiot should know that you need to jump out far enough to clear the edge. anyway, dad was on me about lifting my paw again. i barked at him and told him that I wanted to be a bird hunting dog. After he stopped laughing and calling me names like ‘short’ ‘chubby’ ‘squatty,’ he said i could never get my ‘low rider’ carriage moving fast enough to flush birds. i barked at him, told him that wasn’t nice, said he was wrong and i could grow up to be anything i put my mind to be. and I told him that I would not retrieve his stoopid balls. he then chased me around the back yard telling me to stop looking in the sky with my paw in the air because those were airplanes and not birds, whatever that meant, but i’m going to show him, i’m going to best bird dog ever. that’s all for today. have a great weekend everyone! Wally!

  

 

 

Wally’s Great Adventures (30).

Wally’s Great Adventures (30). hello friends, wally here. i was out in backyard sniffing around checking things out, never more than a few feet from dad, his hulking presence lurking. this “do it Wally do it Wally do it Wally do it Wally”, i mean really. who needs the pressure to go poo poo and who can do it like on demand. i mean this get-it-done-now attitude may work at work-work but here, wow. mom asked me what those red spots were on my belly, i barked and told her its from all this pressure dad is putting on me. mom always asks why i look so serious, and i barked and told her, wouldn’t you be serious with dad’s ‘7×24 coaching’, she laughed, ‘i’ve had 39 years of ‘that.’ i love mom, but she must be really tough. then get this, while we were outside, dad asked me why i kept lifting my paws, one and then the other. i barked and said why? why? I barked again, why would I lift my paws from the frosty, freezing-cold grass while he stands there in his wool socks, his giant lined snow boots and a down jacket???? then dad gets on his box, Eric and Rachel have a name for this box like soapy-box or idiot-box, something like that and he starts telling me that when he was my age, he used to walk in 3 feet of snow with sneakers, no gloves, for 3 miles to school all by himself in the arctic tundra in canada and he wouldn’t be lifting his paws and complaining like a little baby, and i needed to man-up and stop listening to mom because i’ll get soft. i don’t want to get soft, and i don’t want anymore of these red splotches so i’m going to have to listen to dad as he knows best. that’s all for today. have a great week! wally!

Wally’s Great Adventures (29).

hello friends, wally here. i was helping dad with his work yesterday. he said that it’s a stretch to call it ‘helping’ and that i was a ‘piss-poor’ banker, and i should add that to the list of things i can’t do, incl. can’t fetch shit. i barked at dad and said that wasn’t very nice, and i didn’t want to do stupid fetch or to be a stupid banker staring at a screen all day and not be able to play outside in sunshine, so it didn’t matter if i was bad at those things. dad said i needed a job to make money and buy my own place some day. I told him FALSE!, as i want to be just like eric when i grow up, live at home with mom and dad, get all the great benefits and have to do nothing, what a deal. dad didn’t seem to know how to respond to that. 

i asked dad if we could take a selfie together and share it with all my friends today, and asked him why he didn’t take selfies  — dad said no selfies! and that was that. and since dad and i were chillin’ on the couch this morning i decided i was going to be the best puppy ever. [Read more…]

Wally’s Great Adventures (28).

hello friends, wally here. tgif. so much to share. its been so nice outside, dad has taken my bff sully and me outside to play ball. now i’m still a puppy and all and haven’t seen the world, but Sully and Ball, that is something everybody has to see once. when sully sees ball, he is mental. dad calls him manic or demented or crazed or frenzied, or a lune. for sully it is all about ball. i don’t really get it. I chase sully and ball one or twice and then quit. that’s crazy. dad tries to encourage me to fetch, but that’s crap, why would i do that. so i lay in the grass, and roll around on my back. dad asked ‘what the hell i was doing?’ he then poked me with the ball-chuck-it-stick. I roll on my back again. he pokes me harder so i growl at him and tell him if he doesn’t stop, i will eat his stick. meanwhile sully is still chasing the ball and panting like a madman. I thought my bff was so smart, but i’m having some second thoughts about what’s really going on upstairs there. [Read more…]

Wally’s Great Adventures (27).

hello friends, wally here. i know, i know, its been a long time since last report. i guess i need to come clean. these Wally stories are ghost-written by dad, i know you must be shocked. its not as big of a deal as you think, as he mostly types what i say, dad does almost no editing & he LOVES to edit. anyhoo, dad totally shut down last week & said he wouldn’t help me if i continued to bully sully. BULLY, ME? he said that i steal his chewy bone & then his other bone when mom gives him a new one. i asked dad what he would do, eat a shitty old bone or go after a juicy new one? dad said that wasn’t the bloody point, that i steal all of sully’s shit, steal all of his new & old bones, steal his toys, steal his water bowl & food dish, run surprise kamikaze missions & pounce on sullys head gnawing on his jowls, AND I steal sully’s sleeping spot with mom, & this was way over the top. sully put up with all this crap except for the sleeping situation, dad thinks that’s why sully is pissing all over the bed. LIKE ITS MY FAULT HE’S PISSING ON MOM’S BED. anyhoo, i told dad i would try, but i’m not really going to try, i learned by watching dad, he doesn’t change no matter what, i mean no.matter.what. i am giving sully just a bit more space when sleeping with mom (and he’s since stopped doing bad things on the bed, see!), but i will offer nothing more. ZERO more. btw, those hairy legs in the 2nd photo are dads, sully and i were sleeping under the covers with dad, mom demanded this be disclosed, as her legs aren’t this hairy. third picture dad took at 3am, and do you see sully’s giant head on top of me, its any wonder i can breathe, so you see i give him things. anyway despite all this, i just love sully and he loves me because he doesn’t chomp on my little head when i harass him. i asked dad if we could adopt sully so he could be here always, and you should have seen dad light up, he’s up to something. so stay tuned for more on that. have a good day everyone. Wally.

Wally’s Great Adventures (26).

hello friends, wally here. big drama at the kanigan house. first, a disclaimer, dad got scolded by mom and Eric about my posts being overweight on bowel & bladder movements, & that led to sharp criticism that dad is a poor puppy trainer. well, now, you should have seen the volcano eruption after that, this really set dad off, like i mean way OFF. dad, he who takes criticism so well, launched a volley of (as he likes to call them) factual retorts. “oh, here comes the feedback from mother & son, those with no blogs of their own, no guest posts, zero, like almost near zero contribution to wally’s posts, or wally’s training for posts, or any contribution to wally’s intellectual growth, all of this load entirely being carried by dad, more stress and anxiety added to an overwhelming load that dad has to carry. mom and eric turned silent after this cavalcade of munitions, which dad took as facts winning out again. back to the story. and yes, it’s about bladder movements. brother sully, 4 years old now, fully potty trained, emptied his bladder, not 1x but 2x on mom & dad’s bed (its moms bed when there is a mess to clean up). so the bladder “dump” seeped through the winter weight comforter, through the bed sheet & landed safely on & was soaked up by the bed pad. i have not seen mom that angry & dad told me she had it in her to come unhinged. ‘I’ve had it, 2 straight days of doing nothing but washing bedding, KING SIZED BEDDING. anyhoo, these days, my occasional little piles (or pies as dad calls them) under the kitchen table are looking pretty good right now. Dad reminded sully that he’s here for another 2 weeks, so if there is anymore bullshit, he’s going into solitary confinement (that sounds bad). Next update, christmas presents, which have been overshadowed by mom & dad’s bed being a potty. have a great night everyone. Wally.

Wally’s Great Adventures (25)

hello friends, wally here. happy christmas eve. i’m trying to lift the spirits here, where its a bit heavy, but not sure how to turn up my cute any higher. mom got teary eyed about dad’s youngest brother lorne who died on christmas eve 3 years ago. dad who doesn’t forget / let go of anything, stared blank faced, and walked away. with this giant hole, and dana (DANA!) being away, and that we haven’t seen eric since she left, and rachel and andrew sleeping till 11am, its very quiet around here, so i hang out and wrestle with sully, my brother. dad told me to say brother and not uncle, nephew, cousin or some other nonsense that mom keeps spewing, like she knows. dad went out on his walk this morning, came back with a chill, still chilled, worse than damn antarctica he called it. it sure must be cold in antarctica. i found the warmest vent in the house in the main floor bathroom so i plopped right down on it and took a nap. mom said i’ve got more presents than anyone, and so many from dad’s work friend caroline. i asked dad if i could open a few, and dad said no chance and that i have to wait, bah! neighbor Sue gave us a soft and cuddly blanket with frenchies on it, we love it so much. sully and i take turns sleeping on it. i’m so excited about tomorrow morning to open my presents. have a great day everyone.

  

Wally’s Great Adventures (24)


Wally’s Great Adventures (24). hello friends, wally here. short update.  PG-13 rating on the opening picture, and it’s disturbing, i know. dad said he would never let mom turn me into a circus monkey. but here we are. and you are probably asking why the hell a lemur is splayed out in wally’s bed and where the hell is wally. anyhoo, sully has been visiting this week and he’ll be here for most of december as rachel and andrew (sully’s mom and dad) are going sunning in florida and as dad would say, they’re dumping sully here for free better-than-kennel services. but such a win win for me as i get to play with my BFF for almost a month. dana left today to visit her family for christmas. dad was still recovering from the pedicure tragedy yesterday when the two came down the stairs in MATCHING SWEATERS and get this, MATCHING SOCKS. i’ve never seen dad run faster to grab his camera. Dad was snapping one shot after another mumbling to himself ‘is this the face of mary magdalene? just has to be.’ dana is coming back the day after christmas so it’s not too long because i’ll miss dana’s squeezy hugs. dad said dana better not stay away too long or we will have the old eric back (BD-before dana) and that just won’t do now that we have seen the new and so so so much improved eric. that’s all for today everyone, back to nap time. Wally.

 

Wally’s Great Adventures (23)


hello peeps, wally here. big news today but before we get to that, let me share the update on my trip to the vet. i weighed in at 11 lbs. dad said he was surprised it was that high given the piles i dropped under the dining room table 2 days in a row. I was going to tell dad to have him try pop-a-squat and go poo poo on the frozen grass when its freezing cold outside but i’m sure that would have pushed him over the edge. the vet told mom that i should be 2x my current weight when i’m full grown, that’s 22 lbs. mom was so happy that i will be at smaller end for frenchies. dad said that must account for my Napoleon complex as i bully sully all the time, even though sully is 3-4x my size. i didn’t know what dad meant, but you know positive-dad, it couldn’t have been good, will worry about this napoleon thing later. I stopped shivering after the vet’s helpers gave me so many excellent cookies, but next time i won’t forget that at the vet, excellent cookies come with a giant needle stuck up your poo poo hole, fool me once…i mean really. so, as you can see from the pictures, this shot has made me very sleepy, so i’ve been napping all day.

oh, before i forget, the BIG story. dad has been mumbling all afternoon ‘that i’ve lost my son, i’ve lost my son.’ You remember that last post (#22) about Eric AD (After Dana). well, dana marched eric right out the front door, and she said she was taking eric for a pedicure. dad said pedi what? ‘say what?!?!’ dad was stuttering now. dana repeated “pedicure.” sully and i watched dad, he didn’t look well. he kept mumbling ‘he’s gone’, ‘he’s lost now.’ finally dad told dana that ‘the MEN (sully, me and dad) will stay home.’ for evidence, mom took a picture of dana and eric getting a pedicure and sent it to dad. dad said ‘good god, he actually did it.’ Not sure if dad will ever recover but i’ll be sure to keep you posted. that’s all for today everyone, back to nap time. Wally.

 

Wally’s Great Adventures (22)


hello peeps, wally here. big story today (this week, this month, past 3 months) has been DANA, erics grrrrrr grrrrllll girrrllll friend. dad explained to me that there was a period in history called AD and BD. mom corrected him (always doing that) and said, no, its BC and AD. he said NO, it is BD and AD, that is eric “before Dana – BD” and eric “after Dana – AD”, dad calls it a human transformation. dad and i spotted eric spotted doing laundry (huh?). dana sent us a photo of eric vacuuming. (say what?). eric was spotted in kitchen putting dirty dishes in dishwasher. (mirage?) eric now drinks hot tea (drinks what?). eric wears matching raybans and matching faherty fleece sweatshirts with dana. eric sits and has civil conversations with his parents (important note, this is when Dana is present). so dana has been like what dad calls manna from heaven. we celebrated dana’s birthday the other day and i helped her blow out her candles (not really, but i would have liked some cake). dana gives the best hugs. i love dana. and dad said i best love her so she never leaves because then we will get the old eric BD. that’s all for tonight everyone. have a good night. Wally.

 

Wally’s Great Adventures (21)

hello peeps, wally here. mom went to run errands and left dad in charge, and thats when the good times roll. I love mom but she treats me like a little baby, baby, little baby – she puts up cardboard boxes blocking my access to all rooms but the kitchen and family room. while dad lets me explore, he treats me like a grown up. I love dad. he gets behind his computer and totally forgets about me so i can go on adventures. i walk from room to room smelling cool things. i crawled into erics open suitcase under his bed, found his leather belt, got myself comfortable, and started gnawing on it. it felt so good on my teeth. 10 minutes later i heard dad calling for me. I got really quiet because this was a great time for dad and me to play hide and seek. dad started yelling louder. “WALLY! THIS ISNT FUNNY!” i barked to let dad know where to find me. dad came running in the room…WALLY, I TOLD YOU TO STAY OUT OF TROUBLE. he dragged eric’s suitcase out from under the bed and there i was, laying on my tummy with erics belt in my mouth. i barked at him: peek-a-boo dad! dad asked me to open my mouth, he stuck in his giant fingers and made me gag, and he pulled out blobs of leather gunk. WALLY! he said, your tongue is red, mom is going to freak! dad carried me into the bathroom and started to wash my tongue with a wash cloth. i bit down on the wash cloth and dad’s finger. WALLY, THAT f*cking HURT! dad yelled. well dad how would like me to wash your tongue with a giant wash cloth. so while dad was putting a bandaid on his little boo-boo, he let me explore in the bathroom. after we were done, dad tucked me in for a nap and he went back to work. see the last pic? dad noticed i had red eye and freaked. he told me i had better not say anything to mom or he would blame me for doing bad shit with the belt and now i had pink eye. that’s all for tonight everyone. have a good night. Wally.

Wally’s Great Adventures (20)

 

hello peeps, wally here. Laila, love her name, suggested that we re-name my handle to “Wally The Adventure Doggo.” i like it, a lot, and this is coming from a PhD student who reads Dostoevsky and Woolf in her spare time, and is way smarter than dad, so i pay attention, i’m noodling it.

anyhoo, re: video. volume up and stick to the end. mom said that its holiday baking time, so i helped her bake oatmeal cookies…she said that i must keep my little tongue in my mouth as i cant drool in the mixing bowl. dad said i cant talk about mom in my posts because she’s banned from limiting free speech.

oh, there’s more. rachel says i look like a large baked potato. name calling like that, that’s just not right. dad said she keeps it up, she’ll be on the banned list too.

i helped dad unwrap, yes, you heard it right, unwrap eric’s xmas present, because dad couldn’t wait, yes, dad couldn’t wait to open eric’s xmas present. mom yelled at dad calling him a man-child. oops, now dad is yelling at me because mom is banned from mention on this site.

finally, i am very good at finding sunlight on the floor and then taking naps in it. that last shot is of me laying in what eric calls the sunbox. I love the sunbox, it is warm like mom. oops, there i go mentioning mom again, need to be careful or i could be banned too. it’s nap time. good night everyone. Wally.

Wally’s Great Adventures (19)

Wally’s Great Adventures (19). hello everyone, wally here. figured i had better report out as i may have to report dad to the authorities. i thought he loved me, yet he dragged me outside into the freezing cold and there was some kind of white ash falling from the sky, hopefully not the nuclear kind. help me god! i.did.not.like.this. just look at the 3rd photo. itchy girly jacket on top of falling ash and freezing cold – that is sheer terror you are staring at. I’m not sure that i will recover from this. nor did i like dad posting a picture of me peeing and then posting it globally (#2). i mean really dad, is there no red line? he said he warned me, that if i didn’t stand still for the shot, the pee pee shot was going up. no chance i was standing in all that falling radiation. And it’s not just me thats after dad. mom said that dad has been putting words in my mouth and making her look bad in these posts… Dad snapped back and said that she will no longer be mentioned as part of my stories – SHE’S OUT he said.. (i thought i decided that, but dad is king and has veto power.) then eric came home with his gr…grrrr….grrrrrrl friend, and he said that my last post was lame. LAME HE SAID?!? Then dad asked dana, eric’s gr…grrrr..grrrrrl friend, what she thought and she said ‘tame.’ TAME SHE SAID!? so dad said we’ll see tamo, lamo very soon and they’ll all be ducking for cover. when dad gets like this it is best to stay out of his way. Anyhoo, ive dried off now, warmed up from the nightmare a few minutes ago, and i’m ready for a nap. goodnight everyone. Wally.   

 

Wally’s Great Adventures (18)

Wally’s Great Adventures (18). hello everyone, wally here. quick update before my afternoon nap. dad says that i can stop chewing on every damn thing anytime i was ready. cords. labels at the bottom of couches. legs of chairs. floor rugs. door stops. towels. tennis shoes. baskets. bags, oh bags, plastic, leather, paper, any kind of bag. floor plants. xmas tree (natch). but the best, dads draw strings on hoodies and sweatpants, dads slippers, dads socks, and dads fingers. and his giant hand. dads like to tease me with his finger, poking me, flipping me on my back, this game is fun for like 3 seconds and then i chomp down on him, break his skin and wont let go. dad yelps like a giant baby puppy, i bark at him and tell him to try manning-up. he mumbles something about biting the hands that feeds you. Anyhoo, its nap time. TGIF everyone. Have a good weekend. Wally.

 

Wally’s Great Adventures (17)

 hello everyone, wally here. Just popped in to say hello. i went out for pee pee and it was so cold out. i was shivering and dad asked why as it was 45F outside. he said when he was a kid my age or a little bit older he used to walk to school all by himself in the winter in 3 foot deep snow and it was so much colder than this. mom snorted when she heard this. anyhoo, it ‘is’ cold out no matter what tough guy says. when i come in from the cold, i run quickly to each floor vent to see which one is blowing warm air and wherever my tushy feels warmest, i flop right down on that spot. It is so warm and toasty. 

and these vents are nice and all but nothing is like napping on dad’s lap when he is working. The tapping of the keys on the keyboard, dad chattering on the phone, soft music playing in the background (dad says van morrison), my eyes get heavy, and heavier and heavier and i fall asleep. i’m safe with dad, and i love him. Have a good day everyone. Wally & out.

 

 

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