Walking. And stuck in the moment.

Posted on by Live & Learn

If you are looking for worldly insights, for something new and fresh, move on. And don’t look back. Save 5 minutes of your life doing something productive. Because you ain’t going to Live & Learn here.

Speaking of Blog Mastheads, I’ve been thinking about changing it, after what now, 13 years? To Live & Don’t Learn. It’s closer to reality.

Yesterday. 6:30 pm. 1510 consecutive (almost) days at Cove Island Park. Like in a Row.

I’m now at two-a-day visits to Cove Island Park.  Daybreak for the morning walk. And late afternoon/evening to try to rid of the disgust for gaining 14 lbs in less than 60 days. This outcome was due to three factors: (a) the suspension of my 18 hour fasts, (b) suspension of snacks after 6 pm, and (c) just suspending all common sense.

Culprit? This time?

Oui French Style Coconut Yogurt.

And you might ask: Well, how bad can that be?

And I would say, not so bad, until you start adding the toppings. Think Dairy Queen Sundae.

Susan asks, “Where are all the Yogurts going?” I look at Wally, he looks at me: “Who knows?”

I would say I’m hitting this 1x a day, but even you wouldn’t believe that. I could say 2x a day, because there’s a limit on public blasts, even for me.

Shame—yes, shame, that’s what it was… endless as a moonless sea. Then I saw it in my mind’s eye, felt the tug too, as the rope snapped and the anchor was lost to the depths.” — Hisham Matar, My Friends.

So here’s the recipe.

  • Oui French Style Coconut Yogurt
  • Ghirardelli Premium Baking Milk Chocolate Chips
  • Generously pour the chocolate chips over the yogurt until you can no longer see White
  • Add two (2) heaping tablespoons of StoneWall Kitchen Mixed Berry Jam. (Maybe three tablespoons on days when you feel skinny)
  • Gently spread the jam (do not fold, spread) the jam over the top of the chips
  • Generously sprinkle one (1) handful of homemade crunchy granola over the top

I feel my pulse quicken, the glands begin to secrete saliva. I grab the teaspoon rather than a tablespoon because I heard it aids consumption of smaller portion sizes. I know people, I know this is B.S. but it makes me feel better.

I sit on the couch, Wally camps out inches from my face.

“You can’t have chocolate Wally.”

“Well Dad, maybe you shouldn’t have all that either without sharing.”

I spoon it down, pausing between a few bites — and there I sit, so bloody satisfied, so damn happy, basking in this incredible sugar high — and for a few moments I feel alive, free of worry, and anxiety can’t touch me.

I put the empty bowl in front of Wally, who licks the bowl clean.

And I watch him. And I feel my hang belly spread over the waist band of my pants.

At this point, U2’s “Stuck in the Moment” comes to mind:

You’ve got to get yourself together
You’ve got stuck in a moment
And you can’t get out of it
Don’t say that later will be better
Now you’re stuck in a moment
And you can’t get out of it

I start to walk-jog-run, and nothing seems to be propelling me forward.

Young kids pass me on their little bikes.

Teenage girls blow by me like I’m standing still. I mean teenage girls for God’s sake.

I stop. I can’t go any further. I check my Apple Watch to see I’ve travelled 0.6 of a mile.

More disgust drips.

I check my Apple Watch to see if maybe it stopped and didn’t calculate all the miles. Jesus, you’ve lost it now DK. Even I had to smile at the madness of that.

I hear the pitter patter of feet behind me and I move over to the right side of the path. My belly is blocking traffic.

I look up from my smartphone to see who it is.

A middle aged lady speed walking, and speed walking right past me.

I read the statement on her t-shirt.

Oh no DK, Oh no.

YOU ARE SO NOT.

So, let’s sing it together. It’s such a great song. Join me in the chorus.

You’ve got to get yourself together
You’ve got stuck in a moment
And you can’t get out of it
Don’t say that later will be better
Now you’re stuck in a moment
And you can’t get out of it
– from U2’s “Stuck in the Moment”

You’ve got to get yourself together…
And you can’t get out of it

134 thoughts on “Walking. And stuck in the moment.”

  1. lyrics below – what first popped into my head, highly likely due to my daily environment for myriad years spent with my pk peeps.

    We’re going on a bear hunt
    We’re going on a bear hunt
    I’ve got my binoculars
    I’ve got my binoculars
    I’m not scared
    I’m not scared

    Ooh, look at that tall, wavy grass
    It’s so tall
    We can’t go over it
    We can’t go over it
    We can’t go under it
    We can’t go under it
    We’re just gonna have to go through it
    We’re gonna have to go through it
    Swish, swish, swish, swish……..

  2. I’m not sure reproach is working, my friend…perhaps little changes (like no chocolate chips, or lo-fat yogurt or building up to longer fast periods) ? I know you’re about to come back with a stern rebuke (to yourself, not me) insisting on diligent withholding – just not sure that’s the most effective weight loss strategy…

    1. So true Mimi. And if nothing else – deploy the anti-definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result!

  4. This post has instantly become my most liked one in some time! I can SO relate to you although I know none of your products except the Yoplait brand (huge in France)….. Why don‘t you just go with Oscar Wilde: I can resist anything except temptation?!
    I‘m most certainly not the one to give you any advice, because after years of trying the impossible (namely staying slim and beautiful and thus getting more miserable by never achieving the high bar of wishful thinking vs reality), I told myself in an earnest talk-to: Now I shall greatly enjoy all the things that make me happy and no longer worry about all those I can‘t change! So don‘t go by what I do but maybe be a bit kinder to yourself – you mustn‘t overindulge in such heavy calory intake but you also mustn‘t be disgusted IF you didn‘t live up to your home-made impossibly high barriers.
    And now I really want that t-shirt! If only I could get them in Switzerland – HH and I, both in the same ts‘ (several XXXXXXXL….) and telling to whoever is behind us, how awesome they are – this sounds to me like a brilliant encouragement. So much better than those with t-shirts saying (on the front, bien sûr) how great THEY are…
    I giggled the whole way through this read. I‘m just back from my Nordic Walking (walking not running, with many stops to ‚catch one‘s breath but mostly to discuss matters of no importance at all – followed by our bi-annual lunch together (some 20 ppl) where we talk to those who ‚run‘ and whom we never see because by the time we‘ve already had our coffee/tea/ice-cream, they only arrive when we leave…. As we are in mid-summer (ha ha), I offered all an ice cream for dessert and we had such a jolly good time, saying: Oh I‘ve eaten too much, oh look at my swollen belly, etc etc – and then this! Priceless …. Thank you.

    1. “Oscar Wilde: I can resist anything except temptation?!” Oh, Boy. This is so me. So me. And couldn’t stop laughing at this: “I giggled the whole way through this read. I‘m just back from my Nordic Walking (walking not running, with many stops to ‚catch one‘s breath but mostly to discuss matters of no importance at all” Thanks for sharing Kiki. I hope you are able to find the shirt or perhaps have one made up?! DK

  5. 14 lbs in 60 days even while walking daily? It may not (just) be the dolled-up yogurt.. it may be a unique-to-you combination of natural aging effects AND heredity. (All my Canadian fam was *solid* — one of them was forever-nicknamed “Babe” for an ox!) Make a deal: Okay, body, I’ll carry some post-30-year-old weight, but there shall be no overhang. (Bodies do listen to that bs and will assist.) Meanwhile, ask Mr. Wally what he thinks of your glowier self — it’ll be way more affirming than a kind t-shirt!

      1. *caught you* — au contraire, I really never even considered unmentioned consumables, DK! (Kinda hoping no one tries to sell me a bridge in NY!) God bless all the Wallys in our lives!

  6. omg dk
    The Qui yogurt container is what, an ounce and a half. Where do you even fit the toppings? It’s a miniature container

      1. At least you upgraded to better quality chocolate chips. Way better than the Hershey’s. Because if you go down, you better go down for something worth it.

  7. That yogurt is divine … but the impact is devilish. Do what you need to do. Listen to your higher self and don’t be too hard on the boy who wants to feel his sugar happy high. Sending a hug.

          1. I don’t even have to be a licensed anything to know this. Intravenously, ha!!!

  8. Dear DK,

    Stop. Just stop.

    I’m going to focus on the one part of the blog you probably want us all to skip over….. that woman…. passing you. No. I’m not going where you think with this (though the irony isn’t lost on me). Instead, think about how many people were walking/running and biking (and none of them in the proper designated lane if I’m to guess) and you get behind her?! With that message?! That’s a sign DK! A message meant just for you. Now you just need to “hear” it and follow up with some grace for yourself.

    I’ll ad a song too.

    One Less Day (Dying Young) Rob Thomas

    One foot in front of the other DK. You do more than most. Remember that.

    Keep Cove Company until my return!

    JR.

    1. It’s a sign alright. And The Cove is existing so peacefully and well in your absence. Any chance Barry is thinking about extending your vacation for another week? (Month?)

      1. The only delay will most likely come at the airport. I’ll let you know so you aren’t worried.

  9. “Live & Learn” IS the correct blog title Dave (IMHO). I learned some things from THIS post, despite the fact that I’m sure it was difficult for you to write.

    Congratulations on being openly honest. That’s really hard to do. And there is a “lesson in learning” right there. So many of us (myself included) project an image of ourselves to the public that makes our lives look better than they really are. WHY have we been conditioned to do this? (I don’t know. Perhaps humans are competitive by nature.) All it does is lower our self-esteem as we compare ourselves to “fictional versions of others”. I think we should all strive to help and support each other by being more honest.

    Hang in there with me as I share a few more thoughts (which you probably already know):

    When we were young, nobody told us how hard life would be (at least nobody told me!) Also, nobody told us that LIFE IS NOT FAIR!

    No one told us that LIFE IS HARD FOR MOST OF US. (Obviously life is harder for some than others.)

    All we can do is our best in the present moment….We can’t change the past. We just have to take baby steps to try to improve things in THIS moment. The future is unknown. All we have is right now.

    YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Almost all of us are fighting some sort of battle, which is why one of my favorite quotes is: “Be Kind, for Most Everyone Is Fighting a Hard Battle”.

    So my Internet friend…

    Be gentle with yourself (because life can be hard).

    While being gentle with yourself, do what you can… bit by bit…to move yourself in a positive direction. Break problems down into manageable “steps”. And when you take a step and succeed, congratulate yourself! Treat yourself to an “appropriate” reward if you want to. Don’t push too hard. It’s OK to take a break before addressing the next step.

    I know that at least for me, all I can do is try to take the next positive “baby step”. (And yes, I will make mistakes. That’s part of being human. All I can do is try to learn from those mistakes.) I will continue to repeat this process until I take my last breath. I don’t see any other path.

    So let’s be kind to one another, and support each other!

    Peace – Paul

    PS: I know that I, personally, have another problem that needs to be addressed: I spend way too much time “noodling about life”! I NEED TO GET OUT THERE AND ACTUALLY DO MORE LIVING, RATHER THAN ANALYZING THIS THING WE CALL LIFE! 😀 😀

    PPS: all of the above plus $5.00… Might get you a cup of coffee at Starbucks.

    1. So thoughtful. Thanks for sharing Paul. I read it a few times to digest. This stuck “Be gentle with yourself (because life can be hard).” Thank you.

  10. You know, my friend. Our brains and bodies will believe anything we tell them. Just sayin’ You keep dissing yourself, you will go down.

    Take Cara’s advice. That t-shirt was a sign. You even realised it because you took a picture of it. Your subconscious is talking to you. Print it out and READ IT EVERY DAY, no, MANY TIMES A DAY. Read it OUT LOUD.

    Ya gotta start loving yourself, buddy. A little bit at a time.

    I’ll stop preaching. I am guilty. I indulge, more than I like. I am not going to use that stupid “should” word because I know, just like you do, when I am doing a bit more of the indulging than is good for me.

    1. YES!…
      “Ya gotta start loving yourself, buddy. A little bit at a time.”

      That phrase jumped right out at me, because I have a great deal of work to do in the “loving myself” department.

      Thanks for sharing Dale! 💕

      1. I know. But guess what? You don’t have chop a whole cord of wood in one fell swoop. Start with a few branches and go from there.
        I think most of us are works in progress. Just when we think we’ve nailed one thing
        another pops up.
        I’ve been working on that whole look at yourself in the mirror and say “I love you”. I figure, if I say it enough, I’ll eventually believe me.

          10. Remember I mentioned my tiny brain? You are correct Dale (regarding the location of Sawsan’s comment), and you have therefore proved that I do indeed have a tiny brain! (This may be an advantage in life!) 😉

  11. Too funny, as usual for a Type A personality, you think the first time is going to be on target. That is why I didn’t play sports, if I was not good off the block I stopped. I’ve learned more about my natural talents and sports is not one of them nor is exercising outdoors like running or walking. I walk the stairs in the house and anything additional is from the hard work done on the backyard and my flower beds. I love U2, Bono is an exceptional man and Edge is so talented, loves photography and the ocean. He is also into an intensive type of yoga he does on the beach. he is kick ass. I saw a video of a trip he made to Miami and he blends right in, goes to the beach at dawn and is amazing to watch. The yogurt is a good brand and fresh fruit is great on top of. I can’t imagine why you would change the name of your blog but I did it too back in 2014. Your blog name is perfect for you and what you share. 🙂

    1. Hi Melinda. Thank you for the encouragement not to change the Blog name. Based on your guidance, it will stay Live & Learn for another 13 years.

      As to Bono, did you happen to read his autobiography? I loved it. And listening to him narrative the book (and sing) was just awesome.  You should check it out.  Here’s the link: https://www.amazon.com/Surrender-40-Songs-One-Story-ebook/dp/B09ZHK2N71/

      1. I have a hard time reading but can listen to books. I didn’t read it but no doubt it was great. He has a deep soul, love for his faith and family. No doubt he wasn’t perfect with all the fame and temptation but he is not a solid man who has dinner with his family very often. I also love that he has not pushed his kids in to his footsteps or any footsteps, letting them find their own way. His love for his wife Mary is deep and he beams when talking about her and how they met. I love to see that from a superstar star. Sting is also very much like that, he’s so gracious and I even talked with him and Trudy on Twitter years ago. 🙂

          1. Yes, several times. He is also very proud of his son who is in the music business but plays more classical if I remember correctly. We spoke about his son, a couple of trips he made, the food he loves and of course how much he loves and respects Trudy. He has like 6 children some from his first marriage and others from his marriage to Trudy. He is the most peaceful and gracious guy I’ve known.

    2. Interesting that you and I dealt with a Type A personality in opposite ways. If I enjoyed a sport, I accepted that I had to start as a beginner. So then I practiced obsessively to obtain what ended up usually being “Average” ability. At that point, I usually experienced burnout from my hard work, and stopped participating. I burned out on “several activities“. The resulting stress was not healthy at all. Each time, it took me quite a while to recover from the burnout.

      1. My Type A personality allowed me to be highly successful sales executive and I made a ton of money but in the end, like you I was burnout and it took me a long time to heal and learn my lesson. Have a great day, I can’t wait to read your comment about owning my dream car. 🙂

  14. it‘s me again – started (but didn‘t finish) your readers‘ comments. Well, well, aren‘t we all working gloriously on our ‚make DK feel good / let‘s support him any way we can’ support group? You‘ve got yourself a fab bunch of good-hearted, well-meaning friends here. Congrats. And of course you also need the occasional needling from the one or other ‚member of the support group‘. It‘s all for your own good 😉

    1. Oh, I’m grateful Kiki for our community. Esp your gentle wit and turn of phrase. And even grateful for Sawsan and her Apprentice. Beautiful group.

      2. Re: Dave’s comment above about being grateful… Including Sawsan and apprentice!

        Printing this out and locking it in my safe deposit box to use as defensive ammunition. I will no doubt need it the next time I side with the ladies or sit on the fence! 😁

          1. Kiki and I have exclusive access to Switzerland. We have closed the borders. If you manage to sneak in, proceed with extreme caution. You may feel the wrath of DK with no warning whatsoever! LOL! 🙃

          3. Only without warning because I never seem to figure out what your definition of wrath is (that’s probably my fault for not being very astute). The wrath is only without warning for people like me who have their head in the sand! 😁

  16. This very enjoyable post has now exceeded 65 comments. This raises a possible concern that we, as a highly intelligent group… Might be shooting ourselves in the foot. I have spent WAY too much time online “reading and loving” this thread! Have I been *gasp* sucked down the technology rabbit hole in the best possible way??

    (For those of us of a certain age… Remember when the word “thread” had nothing to do with technology?)

  18. The Learn in Live & Learn is for us, not for you.
    We Learn. We Learn a lot, from this mess.

        1. You’re right Dave. I have to modify my comment here… in addition to your audience, I assume you learn a lot here as well!

          And we mustn’t forget… we all learn from Wally… Wally knows how to live the good life! While the rest of us are contemplating life and what it means, Wally eats, sleeps, plays, and gives and receives unconditional love. WALLY HAS IT ALL FIGURED OUT!!

          2. Useful observation (at least to me):
            When Dave responds to a comment with the phrase: “Oh Brother!”, I’m quite sure that means that he is telling you (in this case me) that you have “completely lost your mind”.

            This may be the highest compliment you can receive!

  19. Apologies for my blog site permissions. They are set to private (actually I have to approve comments). I did this simply because there is nothing interesting inside (aside from a few photos of sports cars that I love). I set up WordPress purely so I could read other blogs.

  20. That recipe has me drooling, but where’s the coconut? I did learn something from the post – the ability to stuff yourself sick only decreases after 65. So take heart!

  24. LIVE AND LEARN is perfect! (So much to read, so many flavors of OUI coconut yogurt, and I may never be able to learn what everyone has to say about al of this angst, but I know that we all care about your well being. LOVE!

    Bottom line: SUGAR IS THE CUPRIT.

    I’ve never had that kind of yogurt but your illustrations make me want to try them ALL!

    I’ve told you before about my history of deciding to eliminate white sugar and white flour in cooking for my 3 children decades ago, [I learned how unhealthy they each are.] It took lots of work, especially when baking, and I made desserts of all kinds constantly. And, I never forbid going out for ice cream or pizza or having these when out with others–I was not a fanatic (it was simply my thing). By the way I never eliminated butter, and bought whole milk for the household. No one was ever overweight!

    So sorry that (you sound like) your own worst friend–like a nagging mother–or a tyrannical father. So good that you’ve attracted this bunch of true friends!

    1. Hi Valerie. I recall you previously sharing “I’ve told you before about my history of deciding to eliminate white sugar and white flour in cooking for my 3 children decades ago.” I’m still in awe of this discipline. This is remarkable, especially considering the continued proliferation of white sugar and white flour over the past 30 years. And yes, we have such a wonderful community here on this blog, you esp included. Have a great day Valerie.

  25. I’m in the Cara camp. Shirt=sign, though the way this post reads you’re more likely to don a hair shirt. You know that the power is within you, pal. 1500 + turns around the Cove (and now two times a day!), so will power is clearly at the ready when desired. We just need to figure out a way for you to get a glimpse of ‘the other side’ and how VERY much better you would feel if you could kick this sugar habit that has you in its grip. You can do this, my friend. You just have to decide you’re ready and the rest will handle itself. 💪 I am cheering you on from the sidelines. I’ll even come to the Cove and do a plank with you to celebrate if you get this (ahem) habit in hand. 😝

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