Running. With M&Ms.


A quick check of atmospheric conditions:
87% humidity. 87% humidity.
Wind S 7 mph.

5:40 am.
I’m out the door.

There’s no ranting about weight gain this morning.  I’m tired of it. Tired of talking about itYou didn’t seem all that tired when you were savoring the M&M Chocolate Chip Cookies yesterday. Or the 4 you had the day before.  2-Day Count: 10. Staggering (Staggering) lack of discipline and will. 

1 mile marker: Impossible to neglect that this carriage is tired.  Shoulders heavy. Legs are anvils. Mind thick with resistance. M&M Blood clotting. 

2 mile marker: Head winds at 7 mph. I’m sweating like a plow horse in mid-August. If I go any slower, I’ll be pushed backwards.  It’s the Sabbath.  An appropriate morning to Call on All Gods for inspiration. Christian. Hindu. Muslim. Judaism. Any Creator will do. I look up. Hear nothing. Feel nothing. Appears that the disappointment in me is Universal.  All Gods to DK: Repent.

3 mile marker: Laboring. Blue Suede is pumping Hooked on a Feelin’ into my earbuds and into my head: I can’t stop this feeling / Deep inside of me. I cough up bile, a blend of battery acid mixed with M&Ms coating my tongue, mouth and throat.  I grab my water bottle, gargle, and spit – the 7 mph head winds netting against my 1 mph forward motion – and the putrid mix splashes my shirt, shorts and legs. I look around to see if anyone caught that. It’s not just Madame Bucket that’s worried about keeping up appearances.

I come to a fork in the road.  Left is a six-mile loop.  Right is 5 miles, if I’m rounding up. (Way up.) You’re dying here. I go right.

4 mile marker: This Bus is gasping.  Wind S 7 mph – South.  Then how is it possible I’ve been running into the wind in all directions? All Gods to DK: Repent.

I stop.
And walk home.
I trudge up the stairs, peel off my clothes, and turn on the shower.

I close my eyes.
The steam and the piping hot water loosens the bones.
I let go. All of it.

DK to All Gods: You got your piece of me.

Miles: 4.5 miles
Time Check: Nap Time.



  1. lol. I really need a comment emoji here. There are no words- only hilariously painful, sweaty, chocolate images for this one. lol.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Before every run I feel an overwhelming sense of dread. Running is a cruel sport;; you never really stay on top of it, every day off feels like a dangerous threat to the next outing.

    But even running 4.5 is still more than not running. You’re cheating the gods if you can eat m&m chocolate chip cookies and still run 4.5 miles David!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. That humidity…hard to breathe. Follow your advice and let it all go…especially the guilt over the M&M cookies ! Life is too short. ☺

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Well done…better still if you weren’t so hard on yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Okay, the chocolate bile was the kicker. All Gods laughing their holy asses off.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. and i was waiting to find a wind in your shower ) glad you made it back, dk –

    Liked by 1 person

  7. My computer vibrated from all that lickity-lick yet lightening speed in which I moved to open your post…it was the M&M title that moved me so. Alas. Alak. Deign you will, damn you won’t eat chocolate ever again. Send me your choccy leftovers and let me worry about how hot (or cold) my shower is…

    Liked by 1 person

  8. While I hate it that the gods test you so, I am beyond delighted that your writing muse is still riding shotgun. These posts ROCK, DK, sore muscles, wounded ego and all….

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Love the writing, it’s honest, funny and fresh. I am concerned however, that one day we will open up a post that says… R.I.P. DK lost his battle with the Gods and his running…… Cause: M&M Blood clotting: Wind S 7 mph:

    Liked by 1 person

  10. The 2:10 and 1:7 ratios make up highly captivating imagery when the story is narrated by Mr. Kanigan. But I guess the smaller ratio is the one making the gods less cooperative. Just a tip.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I can totally relate to this! Not only do I feel guilty for eating M&M cookies, I take them on my run instead of an energy bar, then continue with the self berating comments – Not enough to stop me from eating M&M’s 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I think the Gods are conspiring to help you: 68 degrees outside, 7 mph hour breeze to combat the humidity. Instead it is the Ego to DK: repent! By the way, it is Madame.”Boo-Kay” to you!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. jborden119 says:

    Classic post; love the humor. Why is it so hard to get in shape and so easy to get out of it?

    Liked by 1 person

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