Increasing awfulness from rock-bottom bad

I’d brought my computer, but maybe I could actually just not turn it on, and the dreary growth of little obligations that overran my screen would just disappear; maybe the news, which—like a magic substance in a fairy tale—was producing perpetually increasing awfulness from rock-bottom bad, would just disappear.

~ Deborah Eisenberg, Your Duck is My Duck: Stories (Ecco, September 25, 2018)


Notes:

It’s been a long day

Rich: I want to talk about this idea that is super important, the stories that we tell ourselves, about ourselves, and how we get caught up in these narratives that don’t serve you. Where do these stories come from and how we can decouple that narrative and begin the process of telling ourselves a new story.

Sharon: If you have a prevalent, frequent critical voice, your inner critic, sometimes what’s good is giving it a persona, give it a name. Give it a wardrobe. I have named my inner critic Lucy after the character in the Peanuts comic strip…I see this cartoon where Lucy is in the first frame talking to Charlie Brown and she says: “You know Charlie Brown, the problem with you is that you are you.” And then in the second frame poor Charlie Brown says: “Well, what in the world  can I do about that?”  Then in the third and final frame Lucy says: “I don’t pretend to give advice, I merely point out the problem.”

And I would keep coming back to the line: “The problem with you is that you are you.” Because that Lucy voice had been so dominant in my early life, I really credit my meditation training for basically having a different relationship to Lucy. Instead of on the one hand believing her completely, you are right Lucy, you are always right. Where on the other hand hating her, and fearing her and being shamed and all that.  I realized that I had two ways of approaching her. One was, Hi Lucy, I see you and the other was to Chill out Lucy.

Rich: Packed into that is the idea of becoming the Observer as opposed to identifying with that voice as being part and parcel of who you are, like wrapping it up in your identity.

Sharon: Very soon after I saw the cartoon, something great happened for me and my first thought was: “This is never going to happen again.”

Rich: It’s the negative bias. We’re hard wired, we’re predisposed to identify these negative things that occur to us and then choose to string these together and create this story of who we are, how we got here and what’s going to happen to us in the future.

Sharon: …we are conditioned usually towards negativity – – – you are thinking about your day, evaluating yourself on how well did I do today.  It’s not uncommon to only think about the mistakes and what you didn’t do that well, and where you didn’t show up that well, and it takes intentionality to say anything else happened today. It’s not hypocrisy. It’s not denying that there were issues. But it’s not all that happened.   To get to a truer, bigger picture, we have to actually move our attention consciously towards the good. Anything good happened today? Anything good within me? And that kind of elasticity reflects the ability of attention and part of the meditative process. But it begins with seeing the story…

Rich: I think about the story I tell myself, about myself. But also the story I tell about the other people that I encounter throughout my day, and that story is generally reflective of my own state of mind and how I feel about myself. If I feel good about myself, I’m probably going to tell a more flattering version…But when you really analyze it, you realize over the course of your life, billions of things have happened to you. Billions! And we extract out these 10 things that happen over the course of our life and we identify with them so deeply, so thoroughly that they infect and invade how we see ourselves and every decision we make. How we interact with other people. What words that come out of our mouth…Its amazing how pervasive it is. Its so cemented that the idea of even looking at that or being critical of the veracity of that, let alone reframing it, is something that I think that most people don’t even begin to engage in.

Sharon: That’s true. Absolutely true.  Which is why I think seeing the story is the first and most critical step because a lot of people don’t even believe that…we don’t realize how impacted we are by all those views, our Lucy coming at us…

~ Rich Roll, Interview with Meditation Master Sharon Salzberg on Real Love & The Art of Mindful Connection (Podcast, June 25, 2017)

 


Related Posts: It’s been a long day

 

Walking Cross-Town. Just make it stop.

Commotion.

Upstairs.

Comey. Russia. Fake News. Senate investigations. ObamaCare. Republicans, Democrats (Rodney: Can’t we just get along?) Hearings. More Hearings. More hearings. Trump. Leaks. Lies. Spin. Frenzy. Russians. Spies. Kushner. Back channels. Flynn. Covfefe. NATO. Kabul suicide blast, 90 dead, 400 wounded, Afghan capital mourns, anger swirls. Hate. Portland Train stabbings. Climate change. North Korea. Saber rattling. Cruise Missiles.  Guns. Missouri man kills 8, suicide by cop was his intention. Manchester. Hillary, blame. Tiger Woods DUI. Kathy Griffin fake Trump severed head (Funny, really?).  Extra policing in Chicago on Memorial Day, violence down, 6 killed, 44 wounded. Ohio sues Opioid drugmakers for unleashing drug epidemic. Yellowstone, rare white female wolf shot illegally. Ivory, elephant poachers run rampant. (Will Man purge them all?)

Is there no place, where I can sit undisturbed?


Photo: via zsazsabellagio.com. Related Posts: Commuting

Burn Down That (Old) House

mind-psychology-chart


Notes:

  • Source: Ed Batista – Meredith-Whipple Callahan on Mindsets
  • Post Title inspiration – “There are those who receive as birthright an adequate or at least unquestioned sense of self and those who set out to reinvent themselves, for survival or for satisfaction, and travel far. Some people inherit values and practices as a house they inhabit; some of us have to burn down that house, find our own ground, build from scratch, even as a psychological metamorphosis.” – Rebecca Solnit, A Field Guide to Getting Lost

Such a simple little chart…

energy-intensity-chart

Read more: Your High-Intensity Feelings May Be Tiring You Out


Just do it.

sun-light-positive-negative-clouds-gif-illustration


Source: mennyfox55

 

Aye Aye

negative,positive
This idea is simple.
We’re updating the guidelines to add:

“Avoid gratuitous negativity.”

Critical thinking is good; shallow cynicism, on the other hand, adds nothing of value to the community. It is unpleasant to read and detracts from actual work. If you have something important but negative to say, that’s fine, but say it in a respectful way. Negativity isn’t the problem–gratuitous negativity is. By that we mean negativity that adds nothing of substance to a comment. This includes all forms of meanness.

~ Sam Altman, New Hacker News Guideline @ Y Combinator Posthaven


 

A thousand positive remarks slip by unnoticed, but one “you suck” lingers for days

book,quotes,

“Have you ever noticed the peculiar tendency you have to let praise pass through you, but to feel crushed by criticism? A thousand positive remarks can slip by unnoticed, but one “you suck” can linger in your head for days. One hypothesis as to why this and the backfire effect happen is that you spend much more time considering information you disagree with than you do information you accept. Information that lines up with what you already believe passes through the mind like a vapor, but when you come across something that threatens your beliefs, something that conflicts with your preconceived notions of how the world works, you seize up and take notice. Some psychologists speculate there is an evolutionary explanation. Your ancestors paid more attention and spent more time thinking about negative stimuli than positive because bad things required a response. Those who failed to address negative stimuli failed to keep breathing.”

– David McRaney


Notes:


A Million Things That Bug Me

funny-Calvin-and-Hobbes-comic-list


Source: themetapicture.com

Monday Mantra: Cleaning Piece III

Cleaning-piece Yoko Ono


This one made me think.  (And I averted my eyes away from the double negative as I re-read this 3x.)

If you are curious about Yoko Ono’s Cleaning Piece I, II and IV (I was), you’ll find them @ Ibloghappiness.


Source: thisisnthappiness

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