Running. With BlueBuds.

329917-jaybird-bluebuds-x

6:10 am.  70° F.  Humidity: 100%.  Thick.  A mood dampener.

After an unexpected, unexplainable and unacceptable two-pound jump last week, Gadget Man replaced the seven-year old bathroom scale. I don’t need to wait three seconds of interminable flashing to see my test scores.  If you aren’t getting results, replace the equipment. Pull the band-aid off and hit me.

The new scale is sweet.  I step on the scale and it snaps to attention.  No waiting, no flashing, no bad scores.  This morning, this incredible technology signalled that I was a mere one pound higher than the challenge target, with another month to go.  Now we’re talking.

Yet, what a miserable journey this has been.  Rationing ice cream.  Mouth salivating for pasta.  A 3-cookie daily portion limit. People, this is not living.  And the real question is whether this is sustainable.

This morning, I’m determined to drive this weight down.  Way down below target to give me cushion. In one run.

My head is saying: 10 miles.
My body: Groaning.

Susan and Zeke (dog) are sitting on the porch as I hook up my GPS.  I look up.  “Let’s go Zeke.”  Expensive-Hungarian-bird-hunting-dog-acquired-to-run-with-Head-of-Household scurries behind his keeper.  Tail between his legs.  “No way.  No way I’m going with him.”  You are likely tired about hearing that Zeke won’t run.  I can assure you – your level of fatigue doesn’t approach my level of agitation.  So we repeat.  And I’m confident, we will repeat.

I mumble something undecipherable under my breath as I walk out to the road.  Susan wishes me a good run.  I stare at Zeke. Could he be smiling?  Do Dogs smile?

I’m off.

I’m two miles out.  I’ve been fiddling with my new Gadget most of the way.  Wireless and cordless ear buds.  Amazing technology. One small problem.  They won’t stay in my ears.  A slight head turn left or right and they begin to slide down the ear canal.  Maddening.  Run 100 feet.  Slide.  Hand goes up to tuck the ear bud back in.  Run another 100 feet.  It slides.  Hand-up to tuck.  100 more feet. Right hand-up.  100 feet.  Left hand-up.  Legs chopping up and down. Arms up and down. ESPN has this show in sloooowwwww motion and you can see the runner’s legs and arms completely out of sync.  I’m frustrated.  Breathing heavy.  I yank the ear buds out of my ears and drop them in my running pouch.  ENOUGH!

Another expensive impulse purchase that will occupy the night stand in the junkyard of electronic must-haves.  I post my Amazon Review to warn others.  And later wonder if I should have included footnotes with disclosures to the other readers:

* Note:

  1. I don’t read instructions.  Ever.  The likelihood is high that the fault rests entirely with the operator and not the equipment.
  2. My children say that my head size is disproportionately large.  This product is designated for users that have a head size two standard deviations from the mean.  My head size being at the end of a long tail is likely responsible for the malfunction.
  3. I profusely sweat from my ears.  I’m not sure if this is normal.  And I’ve noticed that this has been a growing problem since reaching middle-age. (Who knew?)  A 5-inch galvanized nail hammered through my ear drum would have difficulty staying in place.

I wondered if I could sell them on EBay to salvage something from this miss.  Hmmmmm.  Would you buy your sweat infused, crusty ear buds?

Ah, for God’s sake, just let it go.

Distance: I’m not saying.  Let’s just say far short of the 10 mile target.

Time: Too freakin’ long.

Nap Time.


Credit: Earbuds Photograph: PC Magazine.

Related Posts: Running Series

Comments

  1. I’m sorry pal..not the most successful, chest-beating, silver gorilla moment you’ve ever had. But there’s always tomorrow. With the old earplugs. The ones that stay in your ears. Have a good nap..

    Like

  2. I’m with Mimi, try again but with the cheap version.

    Like

  3. Obviously Zeke knew something you didn’t–maybe he’s like one of those dogs that can sense an owner’s seizure a minute or two before it strikes…he felt, in his bones, that this run was “bad to the bud.” (forgive me, you teed it up so beautifully for me that I couldn’t resist–I think I’ve been hanging around Mimi too long…) look at it this way, pal, there’s always tomorrow….

    Like

    • “Bad to the Bud.” Wow. And what’s amazing it that this probably rolled right out of your mind onto your tongue and keyboard in seconds. Wow again. As to tomorrow, it is today. And I’m not feeling it today. Although if I do, I will be fully wired and not wireless. 🙂

      Like

  4. Hahahahahaha!!!!! What part of this is funniest??? First off, yes, dogs do smile (I have many photos of Bella smiling)…and in Zeke’s case, he probably is totally capable of LAUGHING too. I can see it now. What else would there be to do at the sight of the “runner’s legs and arms completely out of sync”? Or maybe it’s the disproportionately large head with the sweaty, crusty ears. Zeke just doesn’t want to be seen with you…that’s all! I’m kidding…we love you, even with all that stuff. So funny.

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  5. Loved it. Now three points: (1) it’s good you replaced the faulty equipment that made you gain weight, I would’ve too; (2) pick up the ear buds again, they have two useful auxiliary functions: toning your arms as you run and growing your patience (you should mention those in your review); and (3) yes, dogs smile. Mine does that every time he tricks me to pick him up on our way back home. The fact that he smiles when hanging on my shoulder was pointed out to me by a nice jogger. At least Zeke is not asking you to carry him. You should be grateful.

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    • 1) Faulty equipment can be mentally destructive, esp when we are talking about one’s weight. It has to be continuously upgraded. I’m glad we have found common ground here.

      2) I never thought about the “toning your arms part.” These things do have additional utility. You are onto something here. Yet, one should note, that at less than 4 oz, you need to be pumping long and hard to get the arm tonality you are looking for.

      3) LAUGHING. I should be grateful that we paid a boatload for this guy and now he sits around eating, begging, sleeping and laughing at me. Right. And chubby is now 70 lbs. No way he could hang on my shoulder for any length of time. Still Laughing about Grateful. HA!

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  6. David, I’ve missed you! WordPress hasn’t been sending me email notices (I guess there’s a system-side problem), so I just haven’t read anyone’s blog for about two weeks. Today I looked on my Reader for you.
    Sweaty ears. Eeuw.

    Like

  7. Funny enough I was seeing the ESPN version as I was reading this article 🙂

    Like

  8. LaDona's Music Studio says:

    You could try something sensible like that sports tape stuff that cyclists use to keep their buds in their ears.

    But if you go all sensible we wouldn’t get to read these awesomely funny posts ; )

    Like

    • Sports tape? Like masking tape wrapped around my head. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. I would be the laughing stock in town. I might even hit the tabloids, “check out this guy.” All I would need is to put on knee high black socks when I run and that would round out the picture. Thank you LaDona for your thoughtful suggestions.

      Like

      • LaDona's Music Studio says:

        Laughing! NOT AROUND YOUR HEAD!!! Just across the ears! Like the cyclists do.
        And you know knee-high socks are the latest trend in the running world … just sayin’ …

        Like

        • Laughing harder now! I have seen knee-high socks and wondered and them. Yet, another example of me being 8 steps behind. Knee-highs or not, black socks are out. (Let me guess, you run with knee high black socks. Please tell me NOT)

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  9. Oh dear – Hope you do’t mind that I got a few chuckles out of this post.
    Still proud of you though for working hard at your goal.
    I haven’t even given the healthy route a chance since my 5k in June. Womp, womp, womp…

    Like

  10. wow, you really had a lot going on during this run, and of course this whole fiasco is not your fault, blame it all on the equipment and then replace it. i find that to be the perfect solution.

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  11. Wedge the earbuds in (or on) with a nice pair of pink fluffy earmuffs. Keep the ears warm in these chilly autumn mornings and keep the music rolling. Maybe you could get some fluorescent yellow ones that would also act as visibility aids? And you would then be protected should you choose to put this oversize head you say you have into any inappropriately small spaces during the run (err, if you dropped your keys into a small crevasse.) Think laterally, sir.

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  12. The earbuds falling out thing is another reason why I like to run inside on the treadmill where I can just hook the mp3 to the speaker. Plus….. as a curvy female trudging my bouncy self through a hilly neighborhood, there’s just too much going on with me for ppl not to notice. It’s only when I stop to fiddlyfart with the buds that I notice their eyes on me .. and I’m not sure it’s in a good way = ha!

    I may need to get a new scale LOL 🙂

    MJ

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  13. Alex Jones says:

    Think how great it will be you being a sleek leopard before Christmas.

    Like

  14. I could see your frustration while reading this & I was thinking this ain’t an easy job at all but then suddenly (like always) there was something to make one laugh. And, I am laughing at “I don’t read instructions. Ever.”

    Like

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