Running. Besting 100-year Old Men.

teeter totter, elephants, gif, see-saw

5:50 am. I’m off.  100-year old men running marathons and I’ve been filling the couch.  Now there’s inspiration.

45F according to Weather Channel. Walk outside.  Feels like 60F.  Strip off running jacket.  Fat man goin’ to fly.

Feeling HEAVY.  Thanks to my enabler friend Lori.  She sent a can’t miss recipe after last week’s Spaghetti Bolognese post.  Zeke (dog) and I were sniffing around like crack addicts for 10 hours while the bolognese simmered in the slow cooker…with the aroma from the meat sauce oozing into every pore of the house.  When the 6pm dinner bell rang, I was at the table with fork, salt shaker, large plate.  Salad? NO.  Bread?  NO.  Vegetables? NO. Keep all distractions out of the way.  I told Zeke to stand back, I needed room to feed.  Four plates later (at least I stopped counting at 4), I was licking my plate…and telling myself, maybe it’s time to stop.  Bliss.  Peace.  10 years from today, new FDA research will find that eating Spaghetti Bolognese extends life.  And you’re going to think back and say that crazy man was right.  You read it here first.

Back to the run.  So, here we are.  The day after.  A DIRIGIBLE. LARGE AND BLOATED.  On the road again trying to knock out some lbs.  100-year old running man drifting in an out.  I’m half his age and can’t get the pistons firing.  Wonder if he lied about his age. (That’s not nice. But something seems off. He looks better than 100. Hell, he looks better than I do.)

On February 23, 2013, 101 year-old Fauja Singh finished the Hong Kong 10km (6.25 mile) event in one hour, 32 minutes and 28 seconds. (That’s it!  I’m going to kick his a** today. I’m sick of being embarrassed by 100 year old men. It’s sad. Really it is.)

2 Mile Mark: I’m gliding here.  I’m like drafting behind Kenyan Geoffrey Mutai. Chewing up the miles.  

4 Mile Mark: I should have stuck to my normal course.  Surprising number of hills.  Look at this damn 1/2 mile pitch.  Shouldn’t there eventually be a downhill?

5 Mile Mark: OMG.  I’m winded.  I burp up garlic.  Damn Bolognese. I feel slow.  I think I need new shoes.  Is that a blister I feel on my big toe?  Why does my neck hurt?  Wheels are coming off.  No way.  No way 101-year old man can beat me.

6.25 Mile Mark: Laboring.  Catch Fauja.  But is it good enough to simply tie a 101-year old Man?  Where’s the shock and awe?

7 Mile Mark:  OK.  You’ve topped the old man.  Turn back.  Let it go.  You can do better.

9 Mile Mark: Take hat off.  Need to cool the cranium.  Overheating.  Radiator going to blow.  I slow the pace from slow to falling forward.  Music cycles to Michel Buble.   Hands are shaking.  Fingers trembling.  Apollo 13 command module shudders violently. Sweat pouring on iPhone. Looking for Petty.  I Wont’ Back Down. Got it!  Bring me home Tom.  Bring. Me. Home.

Well I won’t back down, no I won’t back down
You could stand me up at the gates of hell (DK: Hell. I’m not far from there now)
But I won’t back down

Gonna stand my ground, won’t be turned around
And I’ll keep this world from draggin’ me down
Gonna stand my ground and I won’t back down

Hey baby, there ain’t no easy way out
Hey I will stand my ground
And I won’t back down

Time Check: 10.00 miles @ 1 hour 35 minutes. (Shocked myself.)

Nap Time.  Long nap time.

And then?  Another plate or two of Bolognese.


Related Posts: The Running Series.

Credits: Thank you Mme Scherzo for image.

Comments

  1. You are hilarious!

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  2. That’s just great, David—I think I may have just shorted out my iPad from all the tears of hysterical laughter shed while reading this post. I’m worried though….I think I’ve just crossed over from pal to enabler…. 😉

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  3. Alex Jones says:

    100 year-old-men can be a great inspiration for getting fit.

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  4. OMG, lol!!!!!!! David, I am sure the 100 year old man has not ever been as entertaining as you ~ “10 years from today, new FDA research will find that eating Spaghetti Bolognese extends life.” Thanks for starting my day off with the Kannigan laughter tears. Lol!!

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  5. Going on your weekend runs with you is always an adventure…..you didn’t disappoint again this weekend. Thanks for the laughs and congratulations for beating a 101-year old man! Lol.

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  6. I too have been guided by Lori’s glorious recipes…and there is nothing you post that delights me more than your assessment of your Sunday run. And tho’ I don’t believe that you slog along as you insist you do, I do laugh a lot at how you slander yourself.

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  7. I’ve got tears in my eyes from laughing. That felt so good. Excellent post.

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  8. great effort. You’re totally kicking one hundred-year-old butt.

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  9. Love it! I have that dirigible feeling right now too because of a plethora of enablers around me. I laughed when I read this and am going to go get some exercise shortly. Thank you for the inspiration!

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  10. I’m adding Spaghetti Bolognese to my diet!

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