Notes:
- Photograph: Dunmow Broadcast: Movie star camel skips Oscars to help easyJet launch new Egypt route from Stansted Airport
- Background on Caleb/Wednesday/Hump Day Posts and Geico’s original commercial: Let’s Hit it Again
Guess.What.Day.It.Is? Those that need extra time to board…
April 10, 2019 by 22 Comments
Flying Over I-95 N. All Oversized. (Part III of III)
February 18, 2017 by 36 Comments
6:31 am.
I’m walking, my oversized shoes slap on the industrial carpet. Mr. Dandy is somewhere behind me. My crumpled and oversized J. Crew Chino’s uncomfortably sag off my a**. And, I’m dragging this bitch of a carry-on with its shrieking left wheel ricocheting its echo up and down the jetway.
I catch a faint mix of Purell hand sanitizer and sweat. The Purell is me, no doubt – the other half, just can’t be me. I crane my neck down to confirm, and it’s confirmed. As I lift my head back up, I catch another shot, must be from the winter coat two bodies ahead.
I’m undeterred by all of this, beaming with good fortune – a complimentary upgrade to first class.
She’s behind me, but I don’t see her.
I stuff my bag into the overhead bin, and step out of the aisle to let the traffic pass. She points to the window: “I’m sorry, but that’s my seat.”
In the tight quarters of the aisle, we are separated by inches. She’s in her mid to late 20’s. She’s wearing jeans, and a baggy red sweater. She’s an inch or two shorter, but I’m dwarfed by her, by a minimum of 1.3x my body weight. She settles in her seat. [Read more…]
Flying Over I-95 N. With Mr. Dandy. (Part II of III)
February 11, 2017 by 53 Comments
I’m sitting, at the gate. 6 am.
Slumped in the seat, I unstrap the day-to-moment: alarm, bleary-eyed 4 am shower, the pack-up, the last once-over of the room, the tip for the cleaning lady, the hotel checkout including erasure of the $18.95 wifi overcharge, tip for the bellman, cab, boarding pass, security and of course, the slow march down the corridor with the bag. The bloody bag, wheels now up, exhausted from the trek, is resting peacefully.
Sigh. It’s ok.
I twist in the ear buds, find Today’s Chill playlist and turn inward, deep into the Head.
30 minutes till boarding.
There’s a stir in the waiting area. Ladies chattering.
Hair gelled and swept back. Fitted black sport coat. White starched shirt. Skinny black tie. Slim fit, boot cut, stone-washed jeans. European style boots, fine polish. Accessorized with a smart brown leather case, Louis Vuitton-like with a fancy French handle like Porte-Documents Jour. As he passes by check-in, there’s a whiff of Tom Ford oud wood eau de perfume which fills the waiting area with its rose wood, cardamom, and tonka bean alchemy. Ladies swoon, now fully under the spell.
He takes the empty seat next to me, and sets the Porte-Documents Jour neatly on his lap.
I slide my bag under the seat, out of sight. Jesus. Mr. Dandy had to sit here? [Read more…]
Flying Over I-95 N. With Wheels Up (Part I of III)
February 9, 2017 by 64 Comments
Shoes are slapping on the high gloss waxed floors. It’s 5 am. I’m walking down wide corridors, the same corridors where an hour earlier the cleaner worked his canvas in his blue starched shirt with its corporate logo on the right pocket, his dark navy pants, his work boots pumpin’ the gas-brake pedals of the industrial floor waxer. MLK, if a man is called to be a street sweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry. Michelangelo was here. He was.
Airports. The only thing clean, are its floors, and to a high sheen.
I’m dragging my beat-up carry-on to the gate, its left wheel handicapped from birth, and wailing the same suffering pitch for six or seven years as if stabbed with a knife at each turn of the wheel. You think nothing of spending hundreds for the latest gadget upgrade, but when it comes to luggage…
And the whispering starts.
Mother with toddler. Honey, tuck in here next to me. Cover your ears until that poor old man passes. I know, it hurts.
Retired Couple. Oh, Sam, look at him. He can’t afford new luggage. Should we ask him if he needs a few dollars to buy some WD-40? [Read more…]
Going South to Go North
February 8, 2013 by 45 Comments
February 8, 2013. 6:15am
Orlando international Airport
A mere 22,000 miles away from 2,000,000 miles and Lifetime Platinum status on American. Delta could have taken me home non-stop. Instead, here I am. Going South to go North. Trying to claw over the top of the mileage fence. I will arrive in NY via Miami four hours later. And, I’ve been told, squarely into the teeth of a winter blast. USA Today’s Headline: TRAVEL ADVISORY: REBOOK. TRAVEL NIGHTMARE AS BLIZZARD HITS THE NORTHEAST.
REBOOK? Not a chance.
The security line is snaking around the corner. And I’m in the PRIORITY LINE. (Snaking. Snake. 2013. Chinese New Year of the Snake. The Snake. The Snake is keen and cunning, quite intelligent and wise. Not this snake. What a Putz.) [Read more…]
Live & Learn 