Sitting on that height, facing the brightening light, this is what I understood, not as a proposition of words, but as if it had taken full occupancy of my mind in a moment, as an image might occupy it, or a mathematical proof. Afterwards, when I translated what I had experienced, what I wrote had none of the force of what had happened. A long life and a short life are the same, because the present is the only life we have – the same for everyone. It was like a description of music. As the light poured into my eyes, exciting their nerves, causing reactions in the brain, the reactions gave rise to something beyond any contentment – a submission, blissful. The moment of the present becomes instantly the past, I wrote. The present was almost-nothing; I was almost-nothing – a momentary arrangement of energy. And when the time came for the arrangement of energy that went by my name to collapse, and become a different arrangement, barely anything would be changed. A slight readjustment of a few lives, for a while. Some after-life in the memory of a small number of people, for some of whom I was already nothing but a memory. Into the great indifference, I wrote, but the words caused a chill, a shiver, which I had not experienced in those minutes at the ruins. Everything is becoming – nothing rests, I added, on the next line. A less discomfiting formulation. At the ruins, I witnessed transition in everything: the slow movement of the clouds, the slower rising of the sun, the agitation of the sea. I witnessed it and felt it: with each breath, each heartbeat, I was changing, a changing thing among other things that were changing. More: as I gazed at that uncertain horizon, across the glowing water and the glowing leaves, the elements of the scene lost their separation. All categories and names were lost in the totality of it, dissolved in the light. This was how the episode achieved its climax, in an overwhelming acceptance. An Amen of sorts. That was what I wrote. ‘Ataraxia’ is a word I might have used, had it been at my disposal then.
An awareness of discomfort brought me back to myself – I had to stand up. One leg had become numb. True contemplatives are made of tougher stuff, I was soon telling myself, on the descent. As I picked my way down the crumbling path, I was starting to make phrases. A long life and a short life are the same was composed before I reached the car. As was Life – the intermission. And the ten-minute mystic. There has been nothing like it since. Not even ten minutes.
Standard reality reasserted itself promptly.
— Jonathan Buckley, One Boat: A Novel (W.W. Norton & Company, November 4, 2025)
Notes:
- Book Reviews Cafe: “Review: One Boat by Jonathan Buckley“
- Post Title & Inspiration: Aldous Huxley: “It’s dark because you are trying too hard. Lightly child, lightly. Learn to do everything lightly. Yes, feel lightly even though you’re feeling deeply. Just lightly let things happen and lightly cope with them.
