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Tag: character
Walking. With the Silent Generation.
I counted him out yesterday morning. There was light drizzle from 5:00 am to 6:20 am, and it continued for my entire 5 mile loop around Cove Island Park. But he didn’t disappoint. There he was.
We intersect most mornings.
Never met him. Don’t know him. Never spoken a word to him.
But I imagine his life.
He’s a member of the Silent Generation, following his Parents, who were members of the Greatest Generation who survived the Great Depression. Waste not. Want not. Sacrifice. Freedom. God. Country. (I’m consciously leaving out ‘Guns’.)
He didn’t come from the Privileged. He was drafted, he didn’t seek medical deferment, he fought in the Vietnam War. Memories haunt, Demons always in pursuit. Jennifer Pastiloff’s: “Get out of your head. It’s a bad neighborhood.” So he walks.
There’s no Apple Watch tracking his steps. No iPhone pumping in music or books on tape. Nothing to shake that gnawing, that scraping…
There are two flags that hang on his house; they are worn, the whites have long lost their sheen. They don’t just make their appearance on July 4th, they hang 365 days a year.
The homes around him, one by one, are torn down, rebuilt, taller, larger, and fill with young families fleeing Manhattan. Property values have soared, his taxes have followed upward, and now pinch. He could flee to Florida, land of no State income tax, but that has never crossed his mind. He was born here, and will die here, his home town. He completes his own tax returns, reports his modest pensioner’s income and pays all of his taxes, because that is what has to be done.
The curtains are always drawn. He’s a Widower, married for 40 years, and then lost Her to Cancer. No one to open the drapes. No dog to keep him company. No cat to nestle next to his feet, purring, as he watches The Evening News. Income is tight, he can’t afford the expense. He misses his Wife.
The lawn is cut, never shaggy. A fence, freshly painted brown, provides token separation from the neighbors, with toys strewn all over their front yard.
His Story may be entirely different. But it’s what I see. What I need to see.
Yet, what doesn’t require imagining, is this.
I’ve come to look for him each morning. I round the turn to walk up Anthony Lane and there he is.
No matter how far up the street I am, he looks for me, and always throws up his hand to wave Hello.
Because that’s what he was taught. And that’s what he Believes. Character. Honesty. Decency. Be a good neighbor.
Some day, I’ll either tire of this same morning walk, or he won’t be there. One, or the other.
And, I’ll miss him.
Notes:
- Photo: DK, Saturday, Aug 30, 2020
- Inspired by: “If you can think of times in your life that you’ve treated people with extraordinary decency and love, and pure uninterested concern, just because they were valuable as human beings. The ability to do that with ourselves. To treat ourselves the way we would treat a really good, precious friend. Or a tiny child of ours that we absolutely loved more than life itself. And I think it’s probably possible to achieve that. I think part of the job we’re here for is to learn how to do it.” — David Foster Wallace, from “Although of Course You End Up Becoming Yourself: A Road Trip with David Foster Wallace” by David Lipsky (Broadway, April 13, 2010)
- Inspired by: “We may be in the middle of a story we don’t know how will end, or even whether it will end, but we are not helpless characters created and directed by an unseen novelist. We have the power, even in this Age of Anxiety, to enfold ourselves in small comforts, in the joy of tiny pleasures. We can walk out into the dark and look up at the sky. We can remind ourselves that the universe is so much bigger than this fretful, feverish world, and it is still expanding. And still filled with stars. — Margaret Renkl, “A Reminder to Enfold Yourself in Small Comforts” (NY Times, August 24, 2020)
Beth Takes The Proust Questionnaire
- What is your current state of mind? I am calm, peaceful, happy, looking forward to the new year and new adventures.
- What is your favorite journey? A long walk through the woods.
- What is your idea of perfect happiness? My family and friends happy and healthy, me in love, a book, a hot cup of coffee, a good film, a blanket.
- What is your greatest fear? That I would outlive one of my children
- What is your most marked characteristic? My ability to always see the positive side of things
- What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? My lack of control over my blurting or interrupting (just because I’m excited or have a story or idea)
- What is the trait you most deplore in others? Cruelty.
- What is your greatest extravagance? Very soft things- clothes, scarves, fabric, blankets, bed – worth every penny
- What do you consider the most overrated virtue? Having to be the best
- On what occasion do you lie? To save someone’s heart
- Dislike most about your appearance? My height is 5′ 3″ – it would be fun to be tall sometimes, but I’m okay with it overall
- Which living person do you most despise? Our current president – so much cruelty flows from him
- Which words or phrases do you most overuse? ‘done’
- What is your greatest regret? that I wasn’t able to have more time with my daughters when they were young and I was busy trying to make life better for all of us
- What or who is the greatest love of your life? my family
- When and where were you happiest? when all of my family is together
- Which talent would you most like to have? to be a singer with a beautiful voice and a dancer with grace
- If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? to spend more time helping those less fortunate in life
- If you could change one thing about your family, what would it be? that they would never have to suffer
- What do you consider your greatest achievement? my children
- What is your most treasured possession? my 7 dollar wooden kitchen table made from one plank of wood (found at the Salvation Army and a gift from my children)
- What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery? losing a love
- Where would you like to live? in a quiet small home near the water and woods
- What is your favorite occupation? writing
- What is the quality you most like in a man? kindness, compassion, humor, honesty
- What is the quality you most like in a woman? same as #25
- What do you most value in your friends? loyalty
- Who are your favorite writers? pat conroy, roald dahl, ann patchett, fredrick backman, david sedaris, bill bryson, erma bombeck, rod serling
- Who is your favorite hero of fiction? King Arthur
- What is it that you most dislike? clowns/dentists
- Who are your heroes in real life? children
- How would you like to die? asleep in my soft bed, dreaming
- If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be? a pygmy goat living on a lavender farm
- What is your motto? “this is the best day ever.”
- Bonus Question: How did you find my blog? I have no memory of my stumbling upon you, just that is was a pleasant experience from the get-go
- Bonus Question: Why do you keep coming back to this Blog? because it is beautiful, heartfelt, thoughtful, kind, and intelligent. it offers me food for thought and a wonderful aesthetic experience, plus I love to give my feedback/opinion.
Notes:
- Beth is a virtual friend and faithful follower (and me of her blog) and she kindly agreed to share her responses to the Proust Questionnaire. When I think of Beth, I think of her in response #5. She is exceptional. You can find her website and bio here: I didn’t have my glasses on.
- See prior Proust Questionnaires.
- The Proust Questionnaire has its origins in a parlor game popularized (though not devised) by Marcel Proust, the French essayist and novelist, who believed that, in answering these questions, an individual reveals his or her true nature. (Source: Vanity Fair)
Mimi Takes The Proust Questionnaire
- What is your current state of mind? A pint of grateful with a chaser of anxiety.
- What is your favorite journey? Any road that leads to my kids. And I love Paris…and the beach…and the mountains. I fear I’m going to struggle with this questionnaire, but I figure Proust would too.
- What is your idea of perfect happiness? My family together, happy, healthy and belly laughing.
- What is your greatest fear? Anything happening to anyone I love
- What is your most marked characteristic? I have no clue, so I cheated. Upon asking a few people who know me well..a friend said ‘kind’’; Andy said ‘you’re short’; my kids said ‘perceptive, empathic, entertaining, sincere and relatable’. I love my kids.
- What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? I apologize for everything – even the poop that’s not mine. A former boss who later became a friend once told me that he had never met anyone who could advocate for others with the tenacity and passion that I did and he had never met anyone who was so awful at speaking up for themselves. C’est moi.
- What is the trait you most deplore in others? Refusal to own what’s theirs (or in the vernacular people who don’t ‘own their shit’.) In the immortal words of Eric Clapton, ‘before you accuse me, take a look at yourself’. Please understand this as a general statement, there is absolutely no one to whom I’m directing this statement.
- What is your greatest extravagance? Being able to even consider one’s greatest extravagance is an extravagance few people really get to consider. I am humbled by how spoiled I am
- What do you consider the most overrated virtue? Any virtue in excess is overrated and tiresome
- On what occasion do you lie? if I think my words would hurt someone deeply. I will try to tell the truth, but I may wait until I’ve formulated the message and/or the person is better prepared to hear.
- Dislike most about your appearance? Seriously? Most days the list is too long to write here. Some days though I realize that I’m being superficial and stupid and embrace what is.
- Which living person do you most despise? I’ve got some pretty strong feelings about our current commander in chief, but the verb is too strong. I despise some of the decisions he has made, some of the beliefs he touts and I may not look at an orange in the same way again, but I hesitate to say that i despise anyone.
- Which words or phrases do you most overuse? Again, I deferred to those who speak with me the most…Andy offered up “I love you” a lot; Donna thinks I say ‘seriously?’; my kids think my most overused expressions are ‘will this matter to you in five years’, ‘who are you doing this for’, ‘everyone has to own their shit’ (see question 6)
- What is your greatest regret? Not getting my PhD or continuing with singing.
- What or who is the greatest love of your life? Andy, my kids and my grandkids
- When and where were you happiest? Snuggling with my granddaughters and listening to whatever they have to say
- Which talent would you most like to have? I wish I could draw. My sister is uber-talented and has the kind of artistic talent that my mom also had. Me? I can draw a mean stick figure…
- If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? I’d be physically healthier.
- If you could change one thing about your family, what would it be? I’d see them more (and I see them a lot). My sister would live in closer proximity (like upstairs).
- What do you consider your greatest achievement? Hands down growing up with my kids. I realize that every parent says this and every parent means it. But, is there anything one can achieve that parallels the enormity and magnificence of playing a part in someone else’s development as a human being? And no joke, these men of mine are fabulous people.
- What is your most treasured possession? My wedding ring and my books
- What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery? Just thinking about anything unfortunate happening to those I love propels me to a place that is so dark and foreboding I have to quickly move away from this question. I was truly miserable when I was sick, but I didn’t know how sick I was, so I don’t think it counts.
- Where would you like to live? Wherever my family is of course…I’ve had the good fortune to travel to a slew of countries and have lived in many cities. As trite as it sounds, wherever my heart is is where I want to live.
- What is your favorite occupation? I know ‘mom’ isn’t an occupation, but it is the role I always wanted and exceeded my expectations when I became one. I loved my career, even though it involved some plot twists I didn’t anticipate. It might have been awesome to be on Broadway, but I didn’t have the ego (or the talent) for it.
- What is the quality you most like in a man? Humor, sensitivity, the ability to be present.
- What is the quality you most like in a woman? Humor, sensitivity, the ability to be present.
- What do you most value in your friends? Their ability to love me despite my flaws. My friends are trustworthy, smart, emotionally generous…and they like me.
- Who are your favorite writers? Seriously? From which century? Fiction or non-fiction? Essayist or poet?
- Who is your favorite hero of fiction? Again, there are too many coming to mind – Scout (To Kill A Mockingbird), Jo (Little Women), Charlotte (Charlotte’s Web), Max (Where The Wild Things Are), Ari (Exodus), any main character of Toni Morrison…I could go on…Holden Caulfield…
- What is it that you most dislike? Self-absorption
- Who are your heroes in real life? Greta Thornburg, Lizzo, John Lewis, Barack and Michelle Obama. This is a pretty fluid list, and it changes with the day – right now the firefighters in Australia are coming to mind.
- How would you like to die? Very old, very healthy and happy while dreaming a delicious dream.
- If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be? If I were to come back – wait a minute, I’m not going anywhere.
- What is your motto? “Say yes – save your no’s for when you really need them”
- Bonus Question: How did you find my blog? Kismet, pal, kismet. Years ago when I first signed up for WordPress, I found you the first day and I’ve been at your mercy ever since.
- Bonus Question: Why do you keep coming back to this Blog?I agree with everyone who has already responded to this – your posts incite and excite, they are intriguing and thoughtful and at core, you write damn well. For me though the reason is really more personal and you’ll think I’m crazy. I immediately felt that I knew you, your work life, your family. Not in a creepy way – we both worked in professional services, my parents lived nearby, I grew up on the trains you take everyday. And you pushed me to say something. In your insistence and encouragement, I found some words to string together albeit lamely. I come back each day because your blog is diverse and amazing – and because it’s yours.
Notes:
- Mimi is a virtual friend and faithful follower and kindly agreed to share her responses to the Proust Questionnaire. She has been with me from the beginning and I consider her a critical inspiration in this blogging effort. And as you can see from her responses, she is something Special. You can find her website and bio here: Waiting for the Karma Truck.
- See prior Proust Questionnaires.
- The Proust Questionnaire has its origins in a parlor game popularized (though not devised) by Marcel Proust, the French essayist and novelist, who believed that, in answering these questions, an individual reveals his or her true nature. (Source: Vanity Fair)
Ray Takes The Proust Questionnaire
- What is your current state of mind? Restless.
- What is your favorite journey? A 3-week mission trip to Tanzania in 2007. My favorite Journey song however is Wheel in the Sky.
- What is your idea of perfect happiness? On the back porch with a book, a glass of bourbon, a cigar and a dog or two at my feet
- What is your greatest fear? Something happening to our daughters and now granddaughter.
- What is your most marked characteristic? Being comfortable in a room full of strangers.
- What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? Speaking before thinking
- What is the trait you most deplore in others? Not following up after promising to do so.
- What is your greatest extravagance? Fountain pens.
- What do you consider the most overrated virtue? Tolerance. Relativism is helping destroy our society.
- On what occasion do you lie? I have gotten better at telling the truth as I get older since I don’t get in trouble as much.
- Dislike most about your appearance? My three chins and four waists.
- Which living person do you most despise? I don’t hate/despise anyone, but would like to have a word or two in private with a few representatives from California.
- Which words or phrases do you most overuse? I polled my family and was advised: “Drive Gently”, “Swell”, “Roger that”.
- What is your greatest regret? At times, being selfish in my marriage.
- What or who is the greatest love of your life? My wife and daughters, but I think our granddaughter is positioning to take over.
- When and where were you happiest? Vacations at the beach.
- Which talent would you most like to have? To be able to sing in addition to playing the guitar. Played in a band for years, but can’t sing a note.
- If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? See #6 above.
- If you could change one thing about your family, what would it be? To go back in time and get a do-over at being a better husband/father.
- What do you consider your greatest achievement? Helping raise three daughters into productive adulthood without getting pregnant or needing to be bailed out of jail.
- What is your most treasured possession? A photograph, taken on Memorial Day, 1976 of three men who had a profound impact on my understanding of life and real friendship. Background can be found here: A Difficult Task Indeed.
- What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery? Feeling worthless and unloved
- Where would you like to live? The beach. Any beach.
- What is your favorite occupation? As crazy as it may sound, I loved being a funeral director for the 30+ years I worked in that world.
- What is the quality you most like in a man? My, isn’t that a bit personal?
- What is the quality you most like in a woman? I’ll defer to my wife of 33 years.
- What do you most value in your friends? Rigorous Honesty. . . absence of any intent to deceive.
- Who are your favorite writers? Michael D. O’Brien and NYTs Best Selling Author, Andra Watkins
- Who is your favorite hero of fiction? John Galt
- What is it that you most dislike? People who pretend to like you, but sabotage you at every opportunity.
- Who are your heroes in real life? Don’t have any
- How would you like to die? In my sleep, after a great dinner out.
- If you were to die and come back, what do you think it would be? A dog living with one of our daughters.
- What is your motto? Life is short, dead is for a very long time.
- Bonus Question: How did you find my blog? I’m not sure how I found DK’s blog, but my WordPress stats page indicates that I began following it on April 22, 2012.
- Bonus Question: Why do you keep coming back to this Blog? Dk’s blog is like a box of chocolates. You never know what to expect each morning (when I read blogs) and you are never disappointed.
Notes:
- Photo of Ray Visotski and his beautiful Grandaughter Adeline Louise.
- Ray is a virtual friend and faithful follower (as I am of his blog) and he kindly agreed to share his responses to the Proust Questionnaire. Ray’s Blog can be found at Mitigating Chaos.
- See prior Proust Questionnaires.
- The Proust Questionnaire has its origins in a parlor game popularized (though not devised) by Marcel Proust, the French essayist and novelist, who believed that, in answering these questions, an individual reveals his or her true nature. (Source: Vanity Fair)