(Old) Man Down….

Posted on by Live & Learn

Yes, a Rant. It’s been a while. And in my current condition, it seems to be rolling from Mind to fingers to keys to page. If you are highly sensitive, skip this post, whack me with a comment, or toughen up. While I lean Liberal, I do believe that those that borrow, should pay it back, like the rest of us who passed on vacations, lived within our means, and don’t expect the Government to clean up our bad decisions.

But I digress..

This all started a few days back. The event was a harbinger of things to come, a dark cloud hanging low and tracking. Ouspensky says: “The strangest and most fantastic fact about negative emotions is that people actually worship them.” And in the Negative, lies this Agnostic’s God.

I digress. Back to the story.

I shared a comment on a photo series on Instagram. Oh, Sorry, it’s “Insta” as the younger generations call it. More evidence of doing anything to cut corners, do less work, get Govt handouts and make my Generation look like Pterodactyls. And I don’t want to hear this crap (kernels of truth that may exist), that our Generation ran up the debt, polluted the Oceans, dumped forever chemicals in our drinking water, and cut with abandon the carbon producing forests. Always some stupid shortcut — it’s Instagram you lazy scoundrels.

And again, my apologies, I digress.

After sharing some constructive feedback in an INSTA comment, the reply was, “WTH do you know you old Coot.”

I mean really, that escalated quickly.

I had to look up Coot, figuring for sure this was some form of discrimination that I can litigate on. Old-white-Man-Coot. Sounds offensive to me. “Coot” – simple and harmless.

The glancing scud didn’t hit me directly but I did wonder which cut was deeper, that I was an idiot, simple, or harmless, or that I was just Old.

And the conclusion was “Old” cut much deeper. I ruminated as to why. It’s been 1,443 (almost) consecutive days on my Daybreak walks at Cove Island Park, and I don’t see any of the 150,000 residents of this town catching up to the sure-to-be Guinness World Record achievement.

But there it was. “OLD.’ Was it factually incorrect? No. Was it a slight that I couldn’t keep up? Perhaps. But OLD, was flat out nothing that I could correct. And another shortcoming of the younger generations, get constructive feedback, reply with a punch to the solar plexus, not nice. Ooooooof.

Then it was Sunday. Wally threw up 4x on his play date and must have contracted some contagious canine flu. It was slow moving. It first anchored itself on the Weak, my Son, and then Susan. I made sure to remind them that you don’t see me lying around in bed, complaining about projectile vomit and diarrhea. No Sir. I get my COVID and flu shots, I wash my hands frequently, and I try to avoid crowds. And the result, look at me, not sick 1x since before the onset of COVID. No colds. No flu. Man-Up People. These viruses look at this specimen and mumble, there’s no point, He’s impenetrable.

Eric, #1 Son, groomed by yours truly, way way higher SAT scores than his Dad (not that anyone is counting or cares) counters with “Dad, that may be the case. Another more likely Hypothesis is that you never leave the house, your only Google Map route is from Home to Cove Island Park, and the likelihood of catching anything is remote if you don’t leave a 20 miles radius from home with zero human interaction.” I was stunned by this insubordination; separating the Truths from it all. First it’s some random wanna-be-Insta-Influencer bombing me on my Age on a public site and now my #1 Son trashing me. Hmmmpf.

Set that all aside for a moment. This morning was another amazing morning at Cove Island Park. I completed my daybreak walk. I’m moving around that park like an Olympic Race Walker. Nothing OLD about this Man. And as I walk, I’m stacking up the retorts that will fly on my INSTA comments, because unprovoked missile attacks must be responded with heat for deterrence — and, I certainly don’t fear a public escalation at my age, OLD — let’s have at it, and see if you can top my ability to humiliate myself in public. We’ll see who is a old, simple, harmless sh*t.

And then, there’s the rest of the story.

10 a.m.

Stomach pains. No! Can’t be this stomach bug. And had to be my Breakfast. Healthy Yogurt, sprinkled with granola, raspberries, blueberries, and wait, a handful of Ghirardelli dark chocolate chips to finish it off. This was followed by a handful and a half of Costco Chocolate covered almonds. And, this was chased with Caffeine Free Diet Coke. Full 12 oz bottle. After each layer of this ‘breakfast‘, I knew that this all would bite, but the addict needs his fix, and it’s not the first time this dish was served on the menu, with a mere stomach grumble to show for it.

So, it was Breakfast. Had to be. This will pass.

Then, came the chills.

Then came the body aches.

And then, Vesuvius showed up.

DK: “Can someone tell me why it is so bloody cold in here, I’m shivering?”

SK: “Excuse me?

DK: “It’s cold.”

SK: “It didn’t seem cold when you were haranguing us about burning oil in April. What did you say – it’s a waste! Put on a sweater.”

DK: Hmmmmmm.

DK: “Why is nobody responding to my banging on the wall, or my texts — for help. I mean, given my age, OLD, doesn’t anyone give a sh*t, I could be dead in here while Eric is on Playstation and you are watching the 43rd re-run of HDTV.”

SK: “Like you did for us?”

DK: “Are you kidding? I checked in.”

DK: “And, seriously, my strain of flu is like 6x more severe than your strain. I have a serious issue here.”

SK: Out comes the thermometer. 97.2 reading. “See, your temperature is same as mine.”

DK: “You can’t be serious. The trend line here is horrible. Based on the temperature in the room, my temperature could fall to 70 and then we’ll have a real problem.”

Susan walks out laughing, like less than zero sympathy..

Eric walks in. He tosses me an Imodium pill and a Tuque. “Take the pill, it will block you up, and if you’re cold, put this on.”

Really — that’s the care I get from co-producing him?

I’m lying here, in this sad soup. Every single body part hurts. I’m chilled. And here comes Wally to give me some love.

“God Bless you Wally.”

Wally sniffs me up and down, turns up his noise, and runs to Mom. Wow.

I’m a Coot and I smell.

I’m in big trouble.

“OLD.”

83 thoughts on “(Old) Man Down….”

  1. Commiserations – I’m just now getting over two bouts of flu. Ten terrible weeks! Unlike you I found humour a challenge. 😇Loved the read. Hope your ‘fit’ body banishes the scoundrel real quick.

      1. I know – right?! Never have I ever! However; last night we went to our first social dance (yes, we did with some foreboding) and all went well, phew… I will tell you though, after sitting and or lying on it for what seemed to be an eternity; my toosh muscles are a tiny bit sore… Yah!!! 

        Get well. The bed is not for you…

        1. Smiling at “Toosh Muscles.” And I agree Carolyn, bed is definitely not for me. And I’m so sympathetic to the bed ridden. What a brutally difficult existence. Have a good day.

  3. Well. Well. Well. Someone is down for the count! I went to “insta” to review said comments. Coot = Curmudgeon. Stand by it. Old=Experienced. Stand by it. Now the next part looks like it will come to fruition for the next few days……I will be doing the job of TWO photographers in the morning! Based on the wool hat, under the avalanche of covers… I don’t imagine you’ll be making those Cove laps in the morning. Let me know what I can (and more importantly CANNOT) take pictures of at 5 am. Certain streaks must continue, even if you cannot go on tomorrow. FEEL BETTER DK!

        1. Ah yes. Another fine example of a mangled and abbreviated quote from the younger generation. It’s actually by C.S. Lewis and he said: “You can’t go back and change the beginning but you can start where you are and change the ending.”

          1. Not mangled or abbreviated when you’re the author.

            But I will also add from C.S. Lewis ” Now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story no one on earth has ever read, which goes on forever; in which every chapter is better than the one before”

            Shall we begin?

    2. Thank you for taking over for Dave. He must be so proud to have such an able ‚assistant‘. He might even buy you a 2nd pair of socks…. 🙂

      2. This made me laugh. Valid reply, only… he would have to buy me a 1st pair…. before he could buy me a second…. Truthfully, there is no “ASSisting” Dave. He is the best and we all just strive to reach his level of excellence. He was missed this morning and I hope he knows it.

  4. I was talking loudly to the TV tonight over this effort to erase college debt. The younger generation thinks someone else is always responsible for their decisions. I never agreed to pay the loan, THEY did. I see how hard this is being pushed so the irresponsible are rewarded again.

    1. EXACTLY! And what about all those others we repaid their loans without Govt assistance, what do they get? And what about high income earners having their loans repaid – why?

  5. Hope you feel better. I don’t keep track, but my last cold/flu/stomach virus was at least 7 years ago. In my two careers, I came in contact with every bug known to man, so I have strong immunity. Hope I didn’t jinx myself. Get well soon.

    1. Thank you Ray. Appreciate it. I thought it was approaching 5-6 years for me too. And then this. This morning there is light, and I’m feeling incrementally better. And if there is any redeeming benefit, I lost 4 pounds day over day, and approaching my 10 year low. Shame this is what it takes! 🙂

  6. Oh boy, I’m laughing and feeling your pain at the same time. The picture paints a thousand synonyms of coot. Feel better soon. 🙂

  7. a) Tell the Instagram idiot that “he/she is so low that he has to look up to look down”. Then go silent. You can’t fix stupid. (This advice and five dollars will probably buy you a cup of coffee at McDonald’s. I bought an Egg McMuffin this week… $5.50!! Price not shown on the drive-through menu. I won’t make that mistake twice.)

    b) Ignore Wally for 24 hours. No belly rubs for him!

    c) Health always has to be priority #1. You can’t help those you love if you are not well. So please listen to your body (and your doctor if necessary)… Be gentle with yourself… And get well soon! If you find it helpful, put on some headphones and listen to some music that you love.

    You will be in my thoughts and prayers Dave.
    Hang in there!

    1. Paul, I‘m just taking over Dave‘s fountain pen for a moment! This is such a gr8 comment. Such fantastic adivceI
      LOVE that Insta ‚non reply‘…. Should adopt it but doubt that I‘ll ever need it – I tend to reply to idiots: I‘m sure you‘re right – which regularly shuts them up. And as a bonus I have to deal with one coot less!

    2. Thanks Paul. Loved (a). So good. Still laughing. As to (ai), wow, $5.50 for an Egg McMuffin. That’s madness. I haven’t eaten since breakfast yesterday and I can use something greasy right now! As to (b), not sure that I can do this. It would incapacitate me! As to (c), lot of wisdom here Paul Thank you!

  8. So… don’t you think this is a tad extreme to do one of your rant posts? Getting sick is not for the weak. Buck up, Buttercup, get lots of rest, fluids and be nice to your caretakers… But get well soon, K? We don’t want the Old Coot down for too long!

      1. We’ll “try” to forget you ever mentioned it. Besides, those INSTA peeps – there are a lot out there ain’t got nothing better to do than troll…

          1. They live for that sh*t. Serve no purpose but to send out negative. No time to be wasted on ’em 😉

  9. I may have to sleep on this to percolate, your situation…I hope you improve quickly…

    This is the second time that Eric’s first aid skills are helping you out… that Tuque (love that green color) has helped to retain your body heat.

    I’ll remind you that the US gov says that if a person is 60 they are considered, elderly…so I say you need Extra TLC…

    BTW, great piece of writing…so who snapped the photo?

    Wally, must be missing his treats & perch in his executive office?

    1. Hi Christie. Smiling at your comment. Eric snapped the picture. Wally has no shortage of treats but he is off the Executive Secretary duty due to poor performance! So what you are saying is I’m a Coot and Elderly! OMG, I’m spiralling! 🙂

  10. ‘Old’? ‘Coot’?… over here we say: “where you are, I have been. Where I am, you will be”! Take advantage of the days and rest. With all the unpleasantry it is a kind of rejuvenation. Lots of fluids, C, zinc, D3 and TLC and you’ll be back in no time. Pity you can’t send the smartass some bugs over! Get well soon!

  11. Aw, sorry to read this — I hope you’ll feel better soon, or that you already do.🌷 As for “old coot,” that’s a dated (UNcool) epithet, so Mr/Ms Insta may actually be no youngster. 😉 Either way, you’re nowhere near being old. Trust me on this, lol!

  12. I wish you get well soon. It is really not good, we both were same as my Love and still we are not well enough. It really made us too tired. My Love took some pills and I didn’t as he. But we are same… No different our situations. Drink water and warm and take a rest, maybe some pill for your pains… Dear David, young generation nothing knows what is to be old, they will learn/live as us. Thank you, Love, nia

  13. There is SO much to comment here…. But 1st of all: I laughed all through this which is a healing power all on its own! It‘s snow-raining here (again, after the 25°C we had over the weekend) and temps are around 0°C), so any distraction is a bonus. Thank you dear oldie! But I don‘t want to heap more ashes on your head – I won’t digress any more, I go on:

    We NEED to see a copy of said IG post AND your reply…

    Ouch; Ouspensky (who is he?) really got to you, didn‘t he? Not a good trait. Being negative is like shooting in your own foot. (Say no more!)

    Now to COOT: I, as a Swiss native, got to know this word while living in the UK. To my understanding it‘s a not terribly common name for some sort of duck; which one I never bothered to know. YOUR definition as per Webster etc is new to me and I find it always fascinating to learn more on random words, facts, informations. That‘s me – I used to own over 20 dictionaries in several languages, etymological ones in G/F/E, and many more. So thank you for that! And btw, you are many things, but not a coot!

    Sickness: I can‘t write for laughing! You are a MAN…. Men DO feel they die when they have a running nose, need the loo more than once a day, have a slight fever. That‘s not anything new, it‘s Sod‘s Law! If you can‘t believe that, ask HH.

    Eric is right. No more – no less. I agree with him and with Susan. Sorry pal, my sympathy has limits. And I know what I‘m talking about. I had TWICE severe bronchitis in a time span of 3 months. Both times it dragged on for about 8 weeks, and it disabled me to lead my normal life to an extent I didn‘t think possible. So grow up and take your pills, drink your cacao and stop complaining. (Of course, I love you still – you just needed somebody to tell you the truth)

    Another new word; or not so new: Tuque…. I used to know that word, I think from French but can‘t recall it. I now believe it was during my trip that American spoken friends referred to a woolly hat as a tuque. So I looked it up in your link (thank you for that!) and BINGO – I know the English word ‚beanie‘ and then I remembered that HH (who is French spoken) must have used the word tuque…. My senior moment brought fruits! What made really my day was the other word for tuque: TOBOGGAN… now that‘s absolutely a French word and it means a SLIDE. A word I learned when I lived in France and wondered what was ‚that thing‘ called when I watched kids using the slide… How very strange, this unfamiliar family of meanings. Are the beanies sliding from the head? The mind boggles…. Is my brain sliding off into fantasy world… who knows.

    Finally, sorry for taking over your blog (and sorry for me for spending SO MUCH time with you instead of finishing my washing, go out into the snow-rain to do my shopping, write to 6 people, phone 3 others). I hope I could give you some chuckles and wish you – from the bottom of my heart – a speedy recovery or at least more time to write such fascinating real-life stories!
    And PLEASE, send me a copy of that ig post and your reply! Ta

    1. Hey Kiki. Ok. Let’s start from the top.

      1. “Snow – raining” in April. That’s cold. ugh.

      2. Who is Ouspensky? A Russian Philopsher. More here https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/P._D._Ouspensky. As to shooting myself in my own foot, I can teach a Masters Class on the topic.

      3. Sod’s Law?! Sod’s Law?! I’m suffering here Kiki. Men are generally larger and get taken down harder. That’s just genetics!

      4. Bronchitis 2x in 3 months. Wow. What did you do to deserve this!?!

      5. As to Tuque. In Canada where I was born and used the term, we spelled it “Tuke” but Dale was quick to correct me.

      6. As to sharing the INSTA post (red faced now). I may have blasted away with my “constructive” comments that triggered the OLD MAN / OLD COOT response. Then I proceeded to deleted my comments thinking they were over the top, so her responses were left standing without Context. As Mark Twain said, “Never let the truth get in the way of a good story.”

      Have a great day Kiki!

    2. Well, THIS man has to admit that he is a total wimp when he gets sick. Sniffle? That requires 72 hours of bedrest for me! My personal observation is that women have super powers compared to men when it comes to dealing with colds and flu. Most of them just push through (just my opinion!)

      Re: Name of your high-tech head warmer… if you were in the Navy, I believe the name “watch cap” could be included in the list (although it is supposed to be dark blue in color). Found the following using Google, but I’m not allowed to post links here if I recall correctly (talk about stupid!).

      Watch Cap Synonyms: “(knitted cap): knit hat, knit cap, sock cap, stocking cap, skull cap, skully, snow hat, snow cap, ski cap, tossle cap, woolly hat, wooly hat, chook, beanie, tuque, toboggan”

  15. We hope you get better soon.
    Thanks for your intense text, we have to read it again when having more time.
    All the very best
    The Fab Four of Cley
    🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

  16. that’s your non-fever talking, and many of us could be classified as coots at this point in life, and who cares? better than being called a baby, like my older sibs used to say when I was little and the worst cut they could come up with. embrace your inner (and outer) coot, and live to rant another day!

  17. Oh pal…I’m laughing WITH you – not AT you…I know you feel as if you’re bereft of humor, only focusing on the grumbling in your tummy and the dry wit that Eric inherited from his incredibly good humored mom. Take your old soul to bed and count the senile sheep until you fall asleep – and feel better…

  18. Agree 100% regarding (b).
    That darn little guy is irresistible!
    (Not to mention priceless therapy!)
    In my next life I want to be a dog (with an owner who takes awesome care of me as you do with your “Executive Assistant”!)

  20. Obviously, name-calling is an uneducated mind and pure laziness. Coot maybe a family of Swans and being old makes us stronger. It’s your turn to get that damn seasonal cold. Hope it won’t stay as long as mine. Two weeks of starving the bug with my very own herbal medicine of ginger, celery tea and oil of oregano. My GP wants me to take antibiotics. No siree. At least you with be taken good card of mother, son and dog. Enjoy being catered to.

  22. So much for earning our own way in the world. Nothing is free. Except perhaps wise advice. But then, wisdom is earned…as well as the privilege to complain when you fall under the weather. Hope you are feeling better!

  23. As I read this it sounded familiar and it occurred to me if this was a work matter part of your response would always include “toughen up” so here goes self disclosed old man toughen up😀😀😀. All kidding aside I hope you feel better soon. Keep well.

  25. I’m glad you feeling somewhat better. I’m sure you’ll be working, tomorrow so take it easy and take more breaks than usual…eat some nice warm soup also…

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