Maybe I’m not so bad after all

Posted on by Live & Learn

He recognizes that when we forgive ourselves for being flawed and human, we naturally spread that forgiveness to others. Forgive yourself every morning, every night, every few minutes, if that’s what it takes….You tell yourself again and again: I am doing my best. And in fact, every life is an impossible tangle of mistakes. Flailing confusedly, craving more love, more safety, less loneliness isn’t just human; it’s the signature move of every human alive.

What’s incredibly sad but ultimately hopeful is that by the end of his book, Mr. Perry seemed to be waking up to the simple joys of gratitude, connection and empathy. He seemed ready to forgive himself for not living up to his own perfectionist standards….

His honesty in the face of his enormous pain should remind us that all human lives are formed from a tangle of mistakes. We will all mess up, today and tomorrow, but forgiveness shapes us into something less punitive and more sublime, a person who offers love instead of demanding it, a person who seeks peace instead of vengeance, a person who has the courage to say what Mr. Perry finally says to himself at the very end of his book:

“I look out at the water, and I say very quietly, ‘Maybe I’m not so bad after all.’”

— Heather Havrilesky, from “Matthew Perry Told the Truth About Everything” (NY Times, November 3, 2023). Matthew Perry, 54, died October 28, 2023.

Matthew Perry Portrait from People Magazine, October 29, 2023: Matthew Perry Once Said He’d Give Up Fame and Fortune to Avoid Facing Addiction: ‘I Would Trade It All’

47 thoughts on “Maybe I’m not so bad after all”

  1. I was very saddened (and continue to be) when I learned that we lost this very talented man far too soon. The tone of the article reminds me of a simple phrase that I recently learned from my very best friend who I have known my entire life (our mothers were neighbors, pregnant at the same time, and we were born two months apart). We were discussing the various challenges in life that we all face and he said to me: “We Are All Broken”.

  2. I read his book not too long ago , and while he was always was battling one demon or another, he was very honest about his failings and hopeful to the possibilities

      1. Yes, he was honest and raw at times and somehow survived his demons. I was left shocked that he was even alive and lived to tell his story. He was hopeful at the end but not sure it would hold.

  4. Being tangled up by our mistakes – ding ding ding!!! Interesting thought – that life is a tangle of hits and misses, yet figuring out the internal topography enough to make room for love and friendship and connection. We can forgive ourselves until it becomes too uncomfortable, and then if fortunate enough, find connections that help define that part of ourselves that never feels worthy.

        1. Meaning like this?

          “But he nevertheless knows that he is still conscious, for a number of disconnected thoughts are bouncing around in his head, even if those thoughts are dim and incomprehensible to him, which would disqualify them as true thoughts, he supposes, and relegate them to the category of almost-thoughts or non-thoughts.”

          — Paul Auster, Baumgartner (Atlantic Monthly Press, November 7, 2023)

          1. Laughing…indeed. How the heck do you keep all the quotes and references organized and reachable on a moment’s notice???

          3. Laughing…your indices must be full – quotes for me, Sawsan, Lori, Paul – and I’m aware that I’m not doing justice to all those who follow you and express themselves…😉

          3. Indeed! I’m going to shamelessly put in a plug for David’s amazing photography here, because he’s too modest to do it himself! His library of photographs on Pexel is rapidly approaching 20 MILLION “views”.

  10. What a troubled soul – cannot imagine life With addiction – of any kind. It’s hard enough without them. And so he’s free of that now. But what a sad ending, just as he’s about to embrace a new beginning. A beautiful, cautionary tale.

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