Running. Not with Lorena.

Thanksgiving Day.

8 a.m.  43° F.

I haven’t run in weeks. Weeks. I don’t wanna run.

The TV in background is running a Netlix preview for The Irishman. Ah, yes. I’ve been waiting for this flick. I pause to watch the trailer.

The momentum is shifting here, I’m wobbly, a topple back onto the couch is so seductive. Rest DK. Take the morning off.

I stand shirtless in front of the mirror. And stare.  Eyes drop to the nipples*, they are firm, no slouching, and in so much better shape than the rest of me.  I apply Body Glide, like an amateur cross-country skier rubbing the wax stick on his skis, or in this case my entire upper torso. God knows, if I get going, chafing could run wild. The rest of me may come apart on this run, but there’s no chance Boobies** are going down.

Mind drifts to a short (but moving) 28-minute documentary I watched the night before: Lorena, Light-Footed Woman. Lorena is a 22-year old indigenous Raramuri woman from the Chihuahua region of Mexico (think mountainous territory, no others within miles.). She’s been a top finisher in ultramarathons (up to 62 miles) and runs in Raramuri dresses and sandals. Sandals! And not made by Tory Burch. A notable scene has her opening up a gift from a running shoe manufacturer, a pair of fluorescent orange, slick all-pro running shoes. She delicately opens the package, looks at the shoes, carefully places them back in the shoe box and says: “I don’t think I’ll use them. The people who do…are always running behind me.” And she bows her head turning away from the camera.  Don’t you just love her!

And so it goes, Lorena the night before, and the indigenous Connecticut Man on Thanksgiving Day.

On goes my sweat-wicking running shirt.

On go my running shorts.

On go my smart-wool socks.

On go my running pants.

On goes my running jacket.

On goes my Apple watch.

On go my running shoes.

On goes my fanny pack.

       In goes my Smartphone in the fanny pack.

       In goes the bottle of water in fanny pack.

On goes the Tuk.   And it’s a Tuk. Not Touque. Not Tuque. Or whatever else the French Canadians want to take credit for. Tuk was founded in Western Canada in the mid to late 60’s in a town called Castlegar. Don’t like it, re-write the story on Wiki.

I’m overheating, and I’ve yet to step outside. Sweat beads under the Tuk.

I’m out the door.

I set the Apple Watch to Outdoor Run and walk to the street. Something’s missing. It’s too quiet. Forgot my earbuds. Damn it!

Back inside. Up the stairs. Grab the case.  Clip on the wireless over-the-ear buds. Head back down the stairs and out the door. I wait for the “BING!” that signals pairing to the smartphone.

No “Bing!”

I wait a few more minutes. No Bing! Oh, for God’s Sake. Just run without them. But, I can’t do that. I won’t make it around the block.

I step back in the house.

Blue tooth is signaling connected but no music is pumping into the ear buds.

I unpair. And re-pair. Nothing.

I turn off Bluetooth and turn on. Nothing.

I shutdown the smartphone and re-start. And re-pair. Nothing.

I take my Tuk off and slam it down.

All else fails, Google it.

I’ve taken all the recommended steps, but for one.

“Did you check for firmware updates?” No, I bloody didn’t.

“Plug your device case into your desktop PC.”

“Find your serial number on the inside of the case.”

OMG.  The serial number is so small, I need to download a magnifier app. I’m holding the smartphone in my right hand and the ear buds case in the other. My hands trembling, I’m overheated, I snap a picture. Blurry.  I snap another. And another. And another. Finally, I get one where the serial number is legible.

I fill in the name, device type, device serial number and wait. Sweat drips on the keyboard.

“Your firmware on your device is current.”  OMG, help me.

I sit in front of the desktop PC.

Sweat beading on my forehead. Running down my waxy torso. Dripping down the center of my back.

I’m ready to throw in the towel.

I clip the earbuds over my ear to give it one more shot.

I go through the pairing sequencing again and pair the buds to my phone.

And voila!, they connect. Wow!?!

I step back outside. A full 30 minutes after my first attempt.  A wind gust from the north dries the sweat, I shiver.

And go.

DK, you ain’t no Lorena.


Notes:

  • * Family was subject to a preview of this post. It was unanimous by the group that use of “nipples” was inappropriate. When I asked them for an alternative, they were silent. So, my blog, my way, it stays.
  • **Noted the family had no objection to the use of ‘Boobies.’ Figure that one out.
  • Read more about Lorena @ rei.com blog: “Lorena Ramirez is Going the Distance.”
  • Photo above is of Lorena and her sandals via Lorena, Light-Footed Woman | Netflix Official Site

Comments

  1. This is one of my favorites of yours. So many things to say. I was exhausted before you got out the door, nipples and all. The thing you two have in common is perseverance. Each in your own way. I ask: ‘wwld?’ (What would Lorena do?)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. The fates were testing you – 😉…and clearly you passed. One woman’s sandals, are another man’s sneakers – good on you, pal

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Well this was worth my not being able to fall back asleep! I love when you share your vulnerabilities with us. Your sense of humour shines through your frustration. No, you ain’t no Lorena, you’re all DK. And that’s how we love ya.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Thanks to this, I’ll try running again, not let the fear of vertigo ruin the prescription running a little more than the last time is.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Ahhh, a running post from DK that involves body wax, excessive perspiration, and the obligatory self-flagellation–my holiday weekend is now complete (and I have two more days to go…. 😁) Thx for the giggle, pal…

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Chest would have worked.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Alors ça! Goodness me…
    I was the first one to read & like it but I knew I had to wait to give you a comment from my laptop (not phone). And now, as expected, most of ‘it’ has been said and done.
    Still, I was so amazed by Lorena, that I searched for everything I could find on her. I find this interesting:

    When you just look at the clothes…. you forgot to put on your necklace and your Sunday shirt! And you know what? I can’t get over the fact that you can only run with all that equipment. How’s that?
    But you also have a will of steel, me thinks. However, the flagellation so well described just somehow didn’t go together with your statement to me in yesterday’s post that THANKSGIVING is your favourite holiday. Mine def don’t include such sports….
    Hope you had the most splendid free day AFTER your run. Great post.
    And yes, I agree to all the above too – can’t say it often enough 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  8. OMG! You are addicted to your gadgets. Throw them away and get yourself a pair of sandals. (Just kidding! My feet hurt when I watched her run in the video.)

    Liked by 2 people

  9. This Lorena is amazing.

    Now I have to think if i can keep following a blogger that says Nipples in a post.
    I’m not sure it’s appropriate to say it, without a real visual!
    Go real, or go home!
    🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  10. great post; reminds me of Christopher McDougall’s great book, Born to Run, which featured the Tarahumara Indians, many of whom were amazing ultra runners.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Do you still glance at the instagram that you started following about 2 years ago of the amazing ultra running young women from Washington State? She is now a mother! She is also an amazing Writer! //I have an idea buy yourself a treadmill and run on that! When the weather is good put it on your back deck when weather is not to your liking set it up in the house…you could watch netflix at the same time you are running!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. So good. Still laughing 😂Inspiring us all that Boobies and DK are not going down without a fight. 👍👏👏
    Karen

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Here is the link to the ultra runner who lives and trains in the beautiful Methow Valley in the North Cascades in Washington State -Her brother is a world class photographer -he’s had many really cool, assignments! not sure if I sent you that link? Her female cousin has a nice Instagram too. I find her inspiring, driven, joyful…a great writer, photographer and wise beyond her years.
    https://www.instagram.com/bri.rose.runs/

    Liked by 1 person

  14. On the subject of running: my niece Kristi (a pharmacist in Minnesota) is working with a trainer to cut some time off her best marathon time, she is trying to qualify for the Olympic team!

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Hahahaha!! Maybe the offense is that dogs have nipples and boobies are birds. 🤪 sigh. Well, we could not be more different, you and I. Still, I love reading your blog.

    I strap on sandals and wear whatever I’m wearing, and as long as I have a little sunscreen on my exposed skin, I head out for a 10 mile bike ride a couple times a week. I’ve only begun wearing a helmet in the past year because it felt like I should. But for many years I wore no helmet either. It can get hot and itchy.

    Sometimes I pass the Iron Man competitors who ride up our way because we are the turnaround point for the big race. They are all decked out in spandex and God knows what else. It seems folly, really, to translate something that makes me feel like I’m a kid again into rigor and competition. So I just toodle on my way, up and down the steep hills, listening to whatever audiobook I’ve got going or listening to nothing. Moving the body really is a delight. 💜

    Liked by 1 person

  16. I sent the link to a few of my nephews running buddies. They say those runner down there are some of the best in the world.
    My nephew died last year. He was the darling of the NW ASrkansas running community. He was also a hell of a writer. He always had a hobby, and admittedly, it was mostly for the gear. He liked to buy gear and customize it. I’m not sure if he ran with earbuds. I think not, but that ddint keep him from enjoying other running gear. You might like his. He had a way about him.
    https://davemowsgrass.blogspot.com/2012/11/12-hours-of-jb-hunt-park.html

    Liked by 1 person

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