Halldór’s nightlessness and insomnia in all directions.
A new routine, and I’ve grooved it. To bed early, wake early, read to exhaustion, and back to sleep until sunrise.
I flick on the iPad, illuminating the dark. I get after it. The Journal. The Times. Apple News. Blog posts. RSS feeds in Feedly. A few late night incoming emails. And then to dessert, a chapter or two on Kindle, half-way through Lebedev’s Oblivion. It’s 3:15 am, I’m turning pages on a title called Oblivion, now that’s something. You must sleep, or you will pay dearly.
I set the e-gear down, turn on the left side, and pull up the covers. Fragments of news, pages, posts, emails and today’s full day calendar are flitting by, churning, the mind workin’, workin’. Anxiety…A piece rises to the top. Begley: “A compulsion is at once psychological balm and curse, surface madness and profound relief…The ability of compulsive behaviors to quiet anxieties great and small is one of the greatest gifts our brains can give us.”
I pause, close my eyes, and marinate in this…if this is the greatest gift our brains can give us, I am fully gifted, fully loaded. FULL UP.
And, then, it stopped. The churning stopped.
A pin drop of a tear was forming in the right eye, the body’s self-producing balm in response to two hours of artificial light blasts to both corneas. It builds, pooling in the socket, and then leaks out from under the eyelid starting on its journey.
The tear slides ever so gently down the cheek, a snail secreting its pedal mucus for locomotion.
I turn, flatten my head to slow Snail, it pauses. Issa: little snail / facing this way / where to now?”
The Mind, now fresh, clear, blue – seawater in Antartica.
I tilt my head back and Snail continues on his journey, moisturizing my skin on its way down.
What does it take to form this tear drop at this moment?
What is the source?
What is the manufacturing process?
What is the trigger?
How is it that we are produced and wired with lamellar corpuscles so sensitive that we can feel tear drops at their formation?
And, what, what is this magnificent soothing Power over me?