Make no mistake. Everything in the mind is in rat’s country. It doesn’t die. They are merely carried, these disparate memories, back and forth in the desert of a billion neurons, set down, picked up, and dropped again by mental pack rats. Nothing perishes, it is merely lost till a surgeon’s electrode starts the music of an old player piano whose scrolls are dust. Or you yourself do it, tossing in the restless nights, or even in the day on a strange street when a hurdy-gurdy plays. Nothing is lost, but it can never be again as it was. You will only find the bits and cry out because they were yourself. Nothing can begin again and go right, but still it is you, your mind, picking endlessly over the splintered glass of a mirror dropped and broken long ago. That is all time is at the end when you are old – a splintered glass. I should never have gone to that place, never have accepted the engagement, never have spoken….
~ Loren Eiseley, “The Rat That Danced” from “All the Strange Hours. The Excavation of a Life.”
Image: Broadstreet.com.au via Starwill
Oh this is a bit depressing? I should have never read it ha! 🙂
such a wonderful description of the nature of memories. my post today is about a memory that was triggered yesterday by an old friend of mine.
You have a gift. Wonderful take-away from this passage Beth. Check out the other reactions from Karen and Lori (and I more in line with them when I read this)…
this is what keeps us interesting, the wide range of human perspective.
I’m with Karen…this is a bit tough. An evocative description of memory, to be sure, but….
Same response as to Karen above:
Laughing. We are so human, so different. I thought EXACTLY as you did. Now, check out Beth in her comment above. We all read the same passage – and take something completely different away.
It’s true we are so different! and when I read it again this morning I can see this is a perfect description of regret and guilt and the heaviness and pain that creates within us when we carry it through life. “Truth takes a first step in “letting it go”, and for that reason sometimes a difficult one, too.” 🙂
And for some reason, this Kierkegaard quote I shared with Alan a few days ago came to mind (seems to come to mind often):
Delusion is always floating; for that reason it sometimes appears quite light and spiritual, because it is so airy. Truth takes a first step, and for that reason sometimes a difficult one, too.”
~ Søren Kierkegaard, Works of Love
Ohhh, very apt…
I have to say, I rather enjoy the droppings of those “mental pack rats”. Even the bad memories can be cherished…they continuously have something to teach us. I don’t have many regrets…they all led me to a special place of comfort. ❤️
Agree, well stated Van. I’m still gathering adequate maturity to digest it exactly that way.
This is gorgeous. and true. and not true.
Exactly!
We move forward – nothing should be as it was. It’s funny too how time allows our minds to diminish the negative and remember the good.
So true. Terrific insight.
Okay … I’ve read this 3 times now and it unsettles me. Going over memories with self criticism and regret is futile, and downright unhealthy. This isn’t living in the world. Its living in the head where thoughts run amok like rats.
And that’s why mindfulness practices and yoga are so welcome.
Thanks for the stimulant DK 💛
Laughing. I read it 4x and was still spinning.