February 8, 2013. 6:15am
Orlando international Airport
A mere 22,000 miles away from 2,000,000 miles and Lifetime Platinum status on American. Delta could have taken me home non-stop. Instead, here I am. Going South to go North. Trying to claw over the top of the mileage fence. I will arrive in NY via Miami four hours later. And, I’ve been told, squarely into the teeth of a winter blast. USA Today’s Headline: TRAVEL ADVISORY: REBOOK. TRAVEL NIGHTMARE AS BLIZZARD HITS THE NORTHEAST.
REBOOK? Not a chance.
The security line is snaking around the corner. And I’m in the PRIORITY LINE. (Snaking. Snake. 2013. Chinese New Year of the Snake. The Snake. The Snake is keen and cunning, quite intelligent and wise. Not this snake. What a Putz.)
The line inches up.
Mind is wandering. Margaret Mead, famed US Anthropologist whispers: “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.”
Yes, Margaret. For Good. And for Evil. And here we stand, since 9/11. Here’s the result of Evil.
The line inches up.
Young lady in front of me. ~23? White creaseless t-shirt. Understated designer jeans. Micro braids. Navy blue shoes polished to gleam. Tattoo on neck. Snake? (You Stalking?) Lovely young lady. Put all together so early this morning. She grabs her milk chocolate leather-faux case and bangs out a few texts on her Samsung Galaxy.
TSA attendant is now barking. “Laptops in bins. Outer coats in bins. Belts in bins. No liquids over 6 oz. iPads can stay in bags. Nothing in pockets. No coins. No combs. No paper. No tickets. No credit cards. Shoes in bin. Except for children under 5 and adults over…”
Young lady turns to me: “Sir, did he say 35? Because, if he did, I just made the cut..I won’t have to take my shoes off.” (So now I have 36 year olds calling me Sir? Middle age is exhausting. When did I become a ‘Sir?’ Is it my Old Man slacks? The collared shirt under the navy v-neck pullover? The gray salt in the stache? A whiff of annoyance blows cold.)
“No chance,” I said.
“No chance?”
“No chance you are older than 35.”
She smiles. “Sir, I’m 37.”
“Wow.”
She sees my surprise. She beams.
“And no chance, they will let you through security with your shoes on.”
She smiles back with that ‘watch this’ look.
The line grinds forward.
Restless. We’re shifting from right to left foot and back again.
We’re now within spitting distance of the conveyor.
We unload our cargo.
Her shoes still on.
The TSA agent glances down. And then proceeds to scold her.
“But you said adults older than 35 are exempt.”
He snaps back: “That’s 75 missy. 75 years old.”
She turns to me. I wink with the I told you so look.
She pauses.
She then looks at the TSA agent and points to me: “I think he might qualify.” And laughs.
I wobble. ‘Snake’ bitten and speechless. And then, I break out laughing.
The King of Jabs.
Sir King.
Felled Again.
Time to board.
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Good luck getting home….my parents called from NJ and they are snowed in already.
Thanks Ray. I’m 40,000 feet up and 1.5 hours from tarmac…can’t wait to get home.
Laughing loudly!
🙂
That’s great!
Thanks Sheri. Truth always packs a punch. 🙂
Laughter is the best medicine, no? Good luck getting home. Stay safe….
Yes, it certainly is. Thanks Lori.
Lol. You have the best airport & airplane stories. You got “snake” bitten by Miss Blue Shoes.
Funny. So True.
ROTFL … tears in my eyes. Thank you, I really needed a pick-me-up today.
Safe travelling old man!
Yep. Here comes the Old Man jokes. Could always count on you to pile on!
Well, there are worse things in life than being reliable.
That is true!
Ah, what tangled webs we weave….or travel routes… 🙂 Hope you make it home safely!
:). Thanks Jeff.
Sure, don’t change flights. Make your assistant worry so much about you she trecks into the office to help just in case you’re stranded!! Silly, get ready to shovel 🙂
:). Oh Brother. Let’s me yank out the violas.
BE SAFE!
BE ENCOURAGED! BE BLESSED!
Thanks Francine. Lot’s of snow. + Working Power. The miracles of modern life.
I love this! You are an expert traveler, I can tell; you know that when traveling anywhere, a sense of humour is the best thing to bring. Wishing you safe travels ~ Lily
Yes, it certainly is. Thanks Lily
Lol…love your airport/plane stories. During our last trip I heard “Miss, step this way please” or “Miss we will be checking your bags, can you please step this way” or “Miss, I need to check your bag”, and was checked for residue and was searched on one occasion!! Not sure why, but at least they called me “Miss”. (The return trip was uneventful, thankfully:))
Hi Pal. I’d take “Miss” and run with it!
When you’re being called sir, it’s the beginning of the end. Your getting older.
Wow. And hear I was look for some consolation and support! 🙂
Cool story, Dave! You go, King of Jabs! Hope I have a lighthearted experience this afternoon in the midst of the chaos of cancelled flights from IAD back home. Too funny… Actually the story also makes me want my TSA Pre Check pronto!
– Joel
Thanks Joel. Hope you had a safe (and on schedule) trip home. I need to sign up for that Global Traveler Pass thing….
Too bad you couldn’t have gone a bit farther south stopped in the Bahamas and had Susan fly south to meet you. That way you could have avoided the storm in comfort. And as for the perfect ‘gotcha’ – I don’t think so – she probably thought you were cute. For an old man. (Just kidding). Seriously, be safe getting home…
You might be right. How could I have missed that. She was flirting with me. That’s it! You made my day. 🙂
You just don’t think like a girl…
🙂
Safe travels. Hope you don’t get stranded.
Thanks Jay. All good…
Hilarious!
🙂 Thanks Julie
Be safe! I have been stuck in a terminal many times due to snow. Definitely know the feeling.
Thanks Judy. Made it!
🙂
ouch!
Exactly.
Absolutely love this! 🙂
Thanks Tina.
Hope you got where you needed to go. I love your awareness of your surroundings and your openness to a good time in the midst of the chaos. Thanks for sharing. I’m happy to report that I went south to go west yesterday and everything went like clockwork (DCA-ATL and ATL-CID). Yeah! I’m home!
I did Vicki. And on time with all connections and arrival. Glad you made it home too. Thanks for the kind words. Have a good weekend.