It’s Tuesday Morning.
2:30 am.
I’m up.
It was my first morning thought, an omen. Susan sharing research about insomniacs and the early onset of Alzheimer’s. Bullsh*t. Research is Bullsh*t. I shake the thought like Zeke shaking off after his bath. Ears flying. Body quivering. I’ll decide when I’m losing it, not a minute earlier.
I’m mindlessly ripping through the morning papers and then turn to blog posts. A vacuum with indiscriminate digestion. A few morsels hang.
There’s Doug’s Law: “You can have information or you can have a life, but you can’t have both.”
Bullsh*t Doug. Bullsh*t. I’m going to have it all. I’ll burn in it. I’ll wrap, and wrap and wrap myself in information and light up. I’ll sparkle like a Roman Candle. Red. Green. Blue. White. A shower of color. Up up up, lighting up the darkness. You’ll cheer Doug. You will.
And then there’s Psych2go with new research: “Believing you have slept well, even if you haven’t, improves performance.”
There you go. I just need to believe I have slept well on 4 1/2 hours of sleep. And, voila, I’ll be rested and operating at peak performance. Really? What unmitigated bullsh*t. I’m drowning in bullsh*t.
It’s 5:00 am. I get up from the couch after 2 1/2 hours of vacuuming, and the room spins. The ship pitches. My left hand reaches for the wall, touches the cool latex paint – I close my eyes and lean in with my shoulder. The gnawing pit in the stomach twists – God, shower me in Dramamine. Continue reading “Driving I-95 S. In Delirium.”