Riding Metro North. Est-ce-réel?

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It came Monday afternoon, an Amazon order. Tall, soft and plastic, the kind that you would see end up with other marine debris choking the life out of Nemo in the Great Pacific Garbage Patch.

Calm is stenciled in 80 point font on the cylindrical container. “Natural Vitality Natural Calm Calmful Sleep Magnesium Anti Stress Extra Sleep Support, Organic, Wildberry, 16 oz.”

Bullsh*t. No chance this works but desperate people need to take desperate…

“Natural Vitality Natural Calm Calmful.”

Seriously? Really? Who writes their copy? What idiot would buy something with this lead?

I yank off the seal, tilt, then look down inside. The soft, white pillowy substance slides to one side and then the other. Contents may settle. Product sold by weight not volume“. It has settled below the half way mark. $28.49. Bullsh$t. Shysters. At least get it above halfway.

Lori recommended it. I’ve never met my virtual Friend from New Hampshire, but you know how it goes here on blogsphere. After 6 years of trading posts and comments, you just know she’s GoodSo, Lori says try it, I dive in without checking the depth of the pool. I dip and scoop a heaping teaspoon, drop it into a cup, fill it with an ounce of hot water, and watch the potion bubble up. There was no advance internet research on the product. No queries to see if others had side effects. There’s not a second of hesitation, not a millisecond. If Lori says jump, how high Lori? How high? I slug the sh*t back as if it were shot glass of sweet wildberry tequila.

Night 1. Six hours of uninterrupted sleep. No bathroom breaks. No clock checks. Dead to the world. I rouse at 4 am, stare at the clock in disbelief and run the math. 6 hours. Stunned. Sh$t works. Eye lids still heavy. I sleep another hour and half.

Night 2. Dreams. Not one. But wave upon wave. The kind you read about when taking Shrooms. Body floats in technicolor and mumbles: Why can’t I sleep? Why can’t I sleep? I’m up at 5 a.m., worried that I’ve ingested a narcotic. 7 hours!

Night 3. What’s coming? Quiet? Dreams? Hypnosis? I drop off immediately, and find myself peeking at the clock, it’s 3:45 am. Almost 6 hours. My eyes scream for more and the body gives me one more. Unbelievable.

It’s the 5:55 a.m. Metro North to Grand Central, the Quiet car. Silent. I look around me, and everyone’s sleeping. There’s an orange sky way off in the distance. Mist has lifted. Layers of carried weight are stripped off the bones. Heaviness? Gone.

Natural Vitality Natural Calm Calmful?

You betcha.

~ DK


Notes:

Comments

  1. Wow! Fantastic results! Of course you can trust Lori, so would I. Sleep soundly Mr K 💤😴

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I bought some too…she is the best bff ever. To everyone.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. wow, i might have to try this myself. sounds magic.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Wow! Thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. good article

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Awww, DK, this post made my day!! I am absolutely thrilled that the powder brought Morpheus to your doorstep. Hopefully your sleep cycle will get squared around and before long you won’t need it anymore, but for now, sweet dreams. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  7. You should receive a marketing allowance…our order placed a few minutes ago.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Wow, Amazing. And it’s basically a magnesium supplement. Keep us updated.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I know, Sawsan, that’s what I think is interesting. Maybe the body chemistry is just a little off kilter, but once you get it set to rights, all is well. It’s like craving a banana when your potassium is low… 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

      • So, it could have been as simple as magnesium deficiency?
        My body is very good at telling when I’m banana (potassium) deficient. My calf muscles scream bananas 🙂

        Liked by 2 people

  9. My sister-in-law swears by it.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Happy for you David!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I must be good on magnesium. Sleep like a rock, and talk about dreaming! Who needs shrooms.
    http://srevestories.blogspot.com/2008/11/i-am-greatest-brick-company.html

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Oh, so happy for DK sleepage! I already take a magnesium supplement WITH my clonazepam at bedtime, so maybe there are more ingredients? I’d sure like to get off the hard stuff.

    Liked by 2 people

  13. Are you kidding? Both Chris and I take this every night of our lives and have for years now. It’s absorbable magnesium, really hard to get in sufficient quantities when you’re working your body (as in running, cycling, working hard the way we do). Glad you discovered it! Now consider pairing up with Jarrow’s L-Glutamine powder. Add a heaping teaspoon of that to your Calm at night and watch your world transform. You can thank me later 😉 xo

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Wouldn’t use it myself – might ruin the 3 AM crossword puzzle finish attempt. 🙂
    – J.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Your presentation created a rather good gigglefest when I needed it. Thanks!

    Liked by 1 person

  16. I hope it continues to work for you. Thanks for letting us know about it, my wife just ordered some.

    Liked by 1 person

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