Jessica Bennett, A Master’s Degree in … Masculinity?:
Michael Kimmel stood in front of a classroom in bluejeans and a blazer with a pen to a whiteboard. “What does it mean,” the 64-year-old sociology professor asked the group, most of them undergraduates, “to be a good man?”
The students looked puzzled.
“Let’s say it was said at your funeral, ‘He was a good man,’ ” Dr. Kimmel explained. “What does that mean to you?”
“Caring,” a male student in the front said.
“Putting other’s needs before yours,” another young man said.
“Honest,” a third said.
Dr. Kimmel listed each term under the heading Good Man, then turned back to the group. “Now,” he said, “tell me what it means to be a real man.”
This time, the students reacted more quickly.
“Take charge; be authoritative,” said James, a sophomore.
“Take risks,” said Amanda, a sociology graduate student.
“It means suppressing any kind of weakness,” another offered.
“I think for me being a real man meant talk like a man,” said a young man who’d grown up in Turkey. “Walk like a man. Never cry.”
Dr. Kimmel had been taking notes. “Now you’re in the wheelhouse,” he said, excitedly. He pointed to the Good Man list on the left side of the board, then to the Real Man list he’d added to the right. “Look at the disparity. I think American men are confused about what it means to be a man.”
Read full post here: A Master’s Degree in … Masculinity?
Notes: Drawing by Olena Kassian @ olenakassian.com
Perhaps more dissonance for men, tho believe me, women have their own painful dichotomies…
Had to look up dissonance.
a tension or clash resulting from the combination of two disharmonious or unsuitable elements: dissonance between campaign rhetoric and personal behavior.
You are espousing me to bring more tension into my life. (Susan would shudder)
Hardly!! We ALL have more than we can handle…just sayin’.😉
OK. That’s better. I thought I was taking a shot and it wasn’t even 5:30am yet. (Signaling a long day ahead)
WMS, most definitely….
Right. So unlike women not to pile on and join forces. At least you can be described as predicable.
Whoa pal – I think the intended point is agreement – that we all have our s**t – men don’t have the market cornered. Support being offered here – nothing more.
I got it. Sarcasm run amok.
It seems, as someone who has three, grown daughters, that our society has trained boys to be more like girls. When they grow up (and start dating my daughters) they are not very “manly” and seem to be more inclined to particiapte in activities that have historically been more femine. I suppose that is where the term “metrosexual” may have arisen from. I just can’t imagine being young today. I acknowledge that my answer is probably worthy of another thousand words of explanation, but no time this moring, .. I have to go compete in the workplace.
I think any work that looks within (personal behaviors/beliefs) must include looking without (society/cultural teachings) and has the potential to benefit us all. We need to have these conversations.
Yes. Agree Carolann
I vote for the real good man.
Wow. Going way out on a limb there Helen! 🙂
What is a good woman vs.strong woman ? Might get the same conflicting answers. Just saying. Stay at home/working mom. Leader/bitch. Madonna/whore. etc.
OMG. (still laughing)
EXACTLY, vanbytheriver. I was thinking thru my questions on this topic and came to: if you asked the questions in the opposite order where would you be? (scientist in me is wondering…is it just easier to answer once you have been thinking…)
AND if you asked women the stay at home v. working question (OR good mother/strong mother etc etc) – yea, you would conclude women (Americans only?) are just as conflicted and confused.
Great thought-provoking topic.
Agreed. And I’ve witnessed the venom exchanged during those “which mom is better” battles…it can get really ugly. With so many more options, lifestyles, career choices available for women today..it must be very confusing. Thanks, MJS
Personally, I blame those damn cowboy stories… There are so many myths in the US that have become a part of the culture. Dichotomy, dissonance and paradox abound.
I’m with Tiny!
It that damn TV again.
A good man, my list:
Willing to protect those who are weaker and in need of protection for their sake rather than for heroics alone
Able to discern strength from weakness vs. neurotic victimhood from manipulative power
Hasn’t lost the ability to cry
Supportive when called to be
Has a circle of male friends
Has made his peace with his past
Can forgive
Not afraid to say no or yes as the situation calls him to
Not afraid to read a book or enjoy a sporting event
Doesn’t need the women in his life as a surrogate mother
Understands the choices he makes, owns them and doesn’t blame others
Of course, this list might be applied to women. It’s so hard to make pure distinctions these days.
And to be fair, my father, who very much influences my idea of men, is an amazing man. Not that he has never made any mistakes, but in his old age, he has become a very articulate and caring guy. Our closeness is something I couldn’t imagine 30 years ago but, on the other hand, I can’t imagine who I’d be without having had his influence and support through the years. He’ll be 84 August 20.
You’ve hit something here, ptero9. As testosterone lessens with age, the odds increase that older men can become more patient, mentoring, nurturing. Dumbledore and Gandalf were probably the bad-ass warriors of their age.
Funny! (sorry, I thought it was)
Wow. I bow down. Comment of the month.
Aw shucks David! Thanks.
what makes a man? kindness and compassion.
yes…and a steady job.
Ha yes a steady job and lots of money!! Poor men, they have a hard time. They all just need a hug and told they are appreciated. 🙂
I so agree Karen.