A Letter to My Brother, Lorne. L-O-R-N-E.


Some things can’t be left unchecked. No Sir.

My youngest Brother Lorne replied to my post “I came that way. D0K” with this:

That was funny but don’t feel sorry for you. On a weekly basis I go through this. First name Lorne. Loren? No. Lauren? No. Lauryn? No. Mark? Mark…WTF! And the other day…Thor! Really? How our parents allowed you and my other awesome brother to name me I will never understand!!

Dear L-O-R-N-E:

Whoa Bro.  Hold on.  I need to offer some perspective – guide you to the light. Again.

1) Lorne. Think of Canadian-born Lorne Michaels – – Emmy Award Winning Producer and Writer and creator of Saturday Night Live. Think of Lorne Greene, the famous Canadian Actor who played Ben Cartwright on Bonanza. STAND TALL. You are riding on the backs of Canadian Legends.

2) Lorne. Let’s go to Wiki. The source of all knowledge.  Wiki says: “Lorne is a given name and place name especially popular in Canada, due to the Marquess of Lorne, who was Governor General of Canada (1878–1883).”  ESPECIALLY POPULAR IN CANADA.  THE ‘MARQUESS OF LORNE.”  You were named after a historical icon. A GIANT.  Imagine that! Named after the Marquess of Lorne. Incredible.

3) Lorne: Your Brother Rich and I gave you a middle name. You don’t have any holes in the line-up. You don’t have to suffer the alien humiliation that I deal with daily.

4) Lorne.  Do you remember that famous song by Johnny Cash? “A Boy Named Sue.” His parents named him Sue so he would be tough enough to survive all of life’s challenges. And it worked. For Sue. And for You.

It’s sad to hear you sniveling over this. We could have named you Sue.

Rich and I are waiting for some gratitude. We’re largely responsible for building the Man that you are.

A thank you would be good.

A gift would be better.  (And don’t be cheap.)

Let me close with this. Every morning, as you roll out of bed, take your fist. Pound it on your chest. And yell out: I’M LORNE AND I’M DAMN PROUD OF IT.


Image Credit: Deviant Art by Inonibird


  1. Dear Lorne,
    As the youngest in my family may I say that I feel your pain. Though ‘Lorne’ does indeed have a noble heritage, your older bro is missing the point. L-O-R-N-E…I get it…I also get “M-i-n-i”, “Me-Me, You-You” (which gets old) and “My-My”. Here’s the real upside – David and RIch…and Lorne. You will never be forgotten. Your name is unique and strong-sounding.
    And the absence of your brother’s middle name isn’t currying a lot of sympathy from his devoted followers either. So if you want to send him a gift, go ahead – but something tells me, he’s playin’ ya… 😉


  2. Laughing out loud!


  3. lorne, don’t even listen, we all know that david is speaking from that gaping space between his two names. and i have to assume that he wishes lorne was his middle name )


  4. My son wanted us to name our daughter Stingray… we another direction.


  5. Love the song!


  6. And with a name like mine, need I say more?


  7. michael zahaby says:

    Love that song. Heck, love all of Johnny Cash’s songs


  8. Hilarious! As a first born I’m with you DK. Your excellent rhetoric about the privilege to have that name is convincing and heart-warming. True unselfish brotherly love.


  9. Yeah, and what about showing some gratitude for we older siblings training Mom and Dad so that by the time you missed your curfew, they didn’t even notice you had gone?


  10. richardkanigan says:

    Call me whatever you want, just don’t call me late for supper!


  11. Lol! At least you didn’t name him “Hilary.” I knew a man once, for about a minute…his name was Hilary, no kidding. How did you ever come up with the name Lorne??? Were you, like three years old or something? Maybe you really meant Lawrence but were too young to pronounce it? Maybe you were trying to say…”I’m trying to LEARN some names”??? Maybe you were feeling a bit FORLORN?…but your mom didn’t understand that?


    • Did you fail to read the post? It was all orchestrated for the youngest in the family to be armed to face the world. And it worked wonders. Let me guess. You were the baby in the family? Or the only child?


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