Running. With Jelly Donuts.

I open my eyes. 5:35 a.m. I close my eyes, and take inventory.

Right groin, an old catcher’s mitt, stiff, cracks in the leather.

Knees, throb.

Three middle toes on right foot, blistered. Raw.

This is about where Tanya Donelly would say: “But you can change your story / And throw a hand up from the mud.”

But that’s not how we roll here. No Tanya. No.

This story (or catalyst) starts Wednesday after dinner.  The 7 pm to 8:30 pm witching hour(s). The Big Cat starts to pace, and circle. I want it. I need it. I crave it.

After taking inventory in the fridge, the cupboards, the pantry, none of the required provisions are available. I jump into the car and head to Palmer’s Market. Talenti Mint Chocolate Chip Gelato. (4 Pints). Nacho Cheese Doritos (Extra Large Bag). Chobani Fruit on the Bottom Yogurt, Pineapple flavored.  Stonewall Kitchen Sour Cherry Jam (to chase the Yogurt). And, then, in the glass case:  Donuts. Strawberry Jelly filled donuts.

The belt pulls the items towards the clerk. “Good evening Sir. Do you have a Palmer’s Card?” A wee bit of junk food with Dinner, Sir? “Sir, I don’t see a 2 pound bag of Domino Premium Pure Cane Granulated Sugar here. Shall I run and get it for you? And, Sir, in Aisle 3, we have hypodermic needles and rubber hose tie-offs. Step behind the counter here with me, and I’ll inject it for you, it will only take a minute. 

So, let’s skip over what happens next. You’ve heard the story before. Tiresome. Rinse, repeat, do over.

While the Amazon burns, my digestive track has decided, it too, has had enough. Severe stomach cramps that stretch to the bone. I’m curled up in bed groaning, another sleepless night, promising I’ll never do that again.

My last running post was December 2018. And that’s about how long it’s been since I’ve run.  Wow. Pathetic.

7 miles on Thursday.

6 miles on Friday.

And I’m off this morning at 6:00 a.m. with a target of 10 miles.

I’m 4 miles out, and grinding. Everything hurts. I can’t see my way to 5 miles, forget about 10.

And then out of nowhere, a Man, easily 5-10 years older than me, an Old Man, with taut, sinewy calf muscles, glides by me.  His pace steady, he widens the gap.

I stop. Exhausted. And walk.

I feel a drop of moisture hit my cheek, oily substance.

I look up, a few wispy clouds, but nothing looking like rain.

I look up again, and there’s a gull hundreds of feet up.

Bird sh*t.

HE does work in mysterious ways.

I need a jelly donut. Now.

 


Notes: Photo – deliciously yum

Comments

  1. At least you were moving, and in a place other than a grocery line. And that is one giant leap for mankind. This triggered a post for me, I’ll write it today and publish tomorrow and you won’t feel so bad after reading it)

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Somedays you bad influence. I want a jelly donut NOW!!!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Dave!! As someone who’s also fallen off the running wagon, I’m so impressed you ran 7 miles on Thursday and 6 on Friday!! Forgot the jelly donut remorse. I’m envious of your miles!! Well done, friend. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  4. That’s why He invented seagulls – for those who don’t know when to quit. Me? I stay home where it’s safe. 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Oh my. I got tired just reading what was on the conveyor belt at the grocery store!

    As a recovering runner, I’m with the seagull. The view is waaaay better when you watch runners from the safety of a perch — like your front porch — and have the luxury of sh*tting all over them from afar! 🙂

    I too am impressed with your distances! I’m hoping the last time you wrote about running was not the last time you rna! That kind of distance between runs is hard on the ‘ole body!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Lol! How about one all-junk-food day every week, followed the next day by no running? Your body will forgive you, and so will you. And maybe the seagulls.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Great idea Carol. But. I couldn’t manage to limit junk food to one day. No chance.

      Liked by 1 person

    • As to the seagulls, I feel that I am being discriminated against. 4 trillion other places to do it, and it has to land on me.

      Liked by 2 people

      • It’s just like the mosquito invasions with me. I am a Goddess for them, to be worshipped by many, many blood suckings…
        When at my laptop, I’ll tell you My Shit Story 😲💩 in St Paul de Vence, France! You will love it 😅😏

        Liked by 1 person

        • Now you have me curious!

          Liked by 1 person

          • Went on a trip to France when living in UK. Bought, I think, in Avignon, a beautiful silk two piece outfit and wore it to travel up to St. Paul de Vence (where we bought a fab print of a painting, which wd make another story). St.P.deV is VERY hip, utterly beautiful and très chic. And yes, one of the many gulls bombing the village, didn’t like the bright colours of my clothes and splattered me with a well directed and huge amount of white shit, on my head, hair, face and all over the front of my dress….. Of course, everybody who saw that laughed, I – funnily enough – didn’t think it was THAT hilarious, especially knowing that gulls’ shit is nearly impossible to remove. We fled in the nearest ‘public toilette’, where I put first my head under the sparingly running tap, to remove the dirt from hair and face. Then I took off my clothes and tried to scrub them so-so clean under the little water to emerge. Everybody who saw me was full of understanding and commiserated – but heck, that wasn’t my best day. So there, it could have been MUCH worse for you, my friend!

            Liked by 1 person

          • Ok I’m sorry. This was very FUNNY!!

            Liked by 1 person

          • It was. NOT. But even I cd see the funnyness of it.

            Liked by 1 person

          • Ha!

            Liked by 1 person

          • Thanks for sharing.

            Like

  7. I am killing myself laughing here… Dude… all that crap?
    Now, onto the running… have you not heard that it is best to have a day of rest between runs – especially when you haven’t done it in a dog’s age?
    Lawzy… that jelly doughnut does look good though…

    Liked by 2 people

  8. The best…. love all of it. Especially that you knew to quit before dropping dead. You’re no spring chick any more 😉
    But that conveyor belt line up. Don’t know any of the produce (‘cept the donut) but nearly killed myself laughing with the ´highlight’ of the injection behind the counter …. gosh, you ARE quite the story teller, aren’t you !

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Sounds like you are training for a marathon! Are you? Back in the day, I trained hard, running 70 k (I’m so Canadian, i don’t even know what that is in miles) a week. These days, I’m happy with 5 k, three times a week. It’s sustainable. It’s doable. It’s enough. I’ve made peace with the past even if I still wear that 70 k like a badge. As for jelly donuts, I once used them in a presentation on back care, as a model for what happens when a disc herniates. When our group returned from lunch break, the jelly donuts were all gone, with only a crumpled bag of powdered sugar left to show for them. Loved your story. Maybe go a little easier on yourself … 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I have seriously considered switching over then abandoned the idea because the thought of transferring all my blog entries over seems so daunting. Will consider it again. Thank you for the nudge. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  11. LOL! Birdshit is supposed to be lucky! So glad you found your running shoes 💛

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Oh boy ….😝

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Lorraine Mahoney says:

    Truly made me laugh out loud. Thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Some days you’re the bird, other days the statue…

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Have I ever told you about “The Bulletholes Ten”. Its a ten minute loop around my apartment. If I’m feeling frisky, I’ll do two laps.
    I always think about my nephew Dave, and what it takes to do one of these ultras he runs. An Ultra is an 80 mile jog over mountains and rivers and stuff, and you have like 24 hours to do it. I wonder how long it will take me to achieve the mindset of the ultra runner. I’m not sure I really WANT to.
    I had told Dave about “The Bulletholes Ten” last month. I said “The great thing about “The Ten” is that if I decide I need to bail, I’m never more than 10 minutes from home”.
    Dave looked at me, pitifully.
    “You mean five. You are never more than five minutes from home” he said.
    I paused a moment, quickly reviewed my calculations, rocked back on my heels a bit and grinned.
    “Right, Dave my boy! Only five minutes from home!”
    Dave is not just a great Ultra runner. He’s a damn fine mathematician as well.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Talenti Mint Chocolate Chip Gelato, noticed on the online ad for the grocery store Friday Special was Talenti ice cream 2 for $5.00 I thought of you and the Mint Chocolate Chip Gelato…I sent dear hubby to the store where he picked up 2 pints one Vanilla the other Black Raspberry Chocolate Chip…and a few other items…

    Liked by 1 person

  17. The Black Raspberry Chocolate Chip is our preferred Talenti, noticed it last summer or early fall, you should try it and when you do hold it in your mouth and let the flavors melt in…the Vanilla well I was about out of my Vanilla Ice Cream-the gelato in Vanilla just doesn’t hold up to the Amazing Creamery Ice cream…should have had him pick up 2 Black Raspberries Chocolate Chip pints!!!

    Liked by 1 person

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