I open my eyes. 5:35 a.m. I close my eyes, and take inventory.
Right groin, an old catcher’s mitt, stiff, cracks in the leather.
Knees, throb.
Three middle toes on right foot, blistered. Raw.
This is about where Tanya Donelly would say: “But you can change your story / And throw a hand up from the mud.”
But that’s not how we roll here. No Tanya. No.
This story (or catalyst) starts Wednesday after dinner. The 7 pm to 8:30 pm witching hour(s). The Big Cat starts to pace, and circle. I want it. I need it. I crave it.
After taking inventory in the fridge, the cupboards, the pantry, none of the required provisions are available. I jump into the car and head to Palmer’s Market. Talenti Mint Chocolate Chip Gelato. (4 Pints). Nacho Cheese Doritos (Extra Large Bag). Chobani Fruit on the Bottom Yogurt, Pineapple flavored. Stonewall Kitchen Sour Cherry Jam (to chase the Yogurt). And, then, in the glass case: Donuts. Strawberry Jelly filled donuts.
The belt pulls the items towards the clerk. “Good evening Sir. Do you have a Palmer’s Card?” A wee bit of junk food with Dinner, Sir? “Sir, I don’t see a 2 pound bag of Domino Premium Pure Cane Granulated Sugar here. Shall I run and get it for you? And, Sir, in Aisle 3, we have hypodermic needles and rubber hose tie-offs. Step behind the counter here with me, and I’ll inject it for you, it will only take a minute.
So, let’s skip over what happens next. You’ve heard the story before. Tiresome. Rinse, repeat, do over.
While the Amazon burns, my digestive track has decided, it too, has had enough. Severe stomach cramps that stretch to the bone. I’m curled up in bed groaning, another sleepless night, promising I’ll never do that again.
My last running post was December 2018. And that’s about how long it’s been since I’ve run. Wow. Pathetic.
7 miles on Thursday.
6 miles on Friday.
And I’m off this morning at 6:00 a.m. with a target of 10 miles.
I’m 4 miles out, and grinding. Everything hurts. I can’t see my way to 5 miles, forget about 10.
And then out of nowhere, a Man, easily 5-10 years older than me, an Old Man, with taut, sinewy calf muscles, glides by me. His pace steady, he widens the gap.
I stop. Exhausted. And walk.
I feel a drop of moisture hit my cheek, oily substance.
I look up, a few wispy clouds, but nothing looking like rain.
I look up again, and there’s a gull hundreds of feet up.
Bird sh*t.
HE does work in mysterious ways.
I need a jelly donut. Now.
Notes: Photo – deliciously yum
Live & Learn 
At least you were moving, and in a place other than a grocery line. And that is one giant leap for mankind. This triggered a post for me, I’ll write it today and publish tomorrow and you won’t feel so bad after reading it)
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Laughing. Can’t WAIT Sister!
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Neither can I. Go Beth…
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Somedays you bad influence. I want a jelly donut NOW!!!
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Do it!
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Laughing…
Bad influence!
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Me too…. But luckily no chance of getting one.
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I just got one on my break 😊
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You did? You are kin!!!!
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🙂 good for you. In France, we are not really exposed to them….
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Kiki. Come on. That can’t be possible. They are the 9th great wonder of the world.
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need to return to Switzerland. There, we call them Berliner (no, no connection to Kennedy, as far as I know, but then, what do I know?!)
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Ok. I looked Berliner up on Wiki. Lot of dough! Where’s the jelly?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Berliner_(doughnut)
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Hidden inside. It’s injected through a hole and if you don’t pay attention, the jam will be ejected all over you when you bite into the sugary ball…. Just think of gullshit on a new dress!
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Not enough Jelly!
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plenty to make an unholy mess…. I guarantee it!
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Dave!! As someone who’s also fallen off the running wagon, I’m so impressed you ran 7 miles on Thursday and 6 on Friday!! Forgot the jelly donut remorse. I’m envious of your miles!! Well done, friend. ❤️
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Hey Martha! Thank you. But notice the trend. 7 miles. 6 miles. 4 miles. I’ll be lucky to get out of bed tomorrow! Let’s see how it goes! Hope you are well.
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That’s why He invented seagulls – for those who don’t know when to quit. Me? I stay home where it’s safe. 😉
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Ha! So good! I think you are right!
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Just don’t go past that shop where they have the goodies. Then you don’t have to run so far. It’s all relative to how much guilt you’re feeling.
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Exactly!
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Oh my. I got tired just reading what was on the conveyor belt at the grocery store!
As a recovering runner, I’m with the seagull. The view is waaaay better when you watch runners from the safety of a perch — like your front porch — and have the luxury of sh*tting all over them from afar! 🙂
I too am impressed with your distances! I’m hoping the last time you wrote about running was not the last time you rna! That kind of distance between runs is hard on the ‘ole body!
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Laughing. I try to make up for the long lapses like a madman. The result is as one can expect. Fatigue, exhaustion, tired limbs and then the couch.
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Well hopefully there are no seagulls hanging out above your couch!
enjoy the well-earned rest.
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Let’s hope not! Thanks Louise. It’s nap time all afternoon. 😊
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Lol! How about one all-junk-food day every week, followed the next day by no running? Your body will forgive you, and so will you. And maybe the seagulls.
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Great idea Carol. But. I couldn’t manage to limit junk food to one day. No chance.
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As to the seagulls, I feel that I am being discriminated against. 4 trillion other places to do it, and it has to land on me.
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It’s just like the mosquito invasions with me. I am a Goddess for them, to be worshipped by many, many blood suckings…
When at my laptop, I’ll tell you My Shit Story 😲💩 in St Paul de Vence, France! You will love it 😅😏
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Now you have me curious!
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Went on a trip to France when living in UK. Bought, I think, in Avignon, a beautiful silk two piece outfit and wore it to travel up to St. Paul de Vence (where we bought a fab print of a painting, which wd make another story). St.P.deV is VERY hip, utterly beautiful and très chic. And yes, one of the many gulls bombing the village, didn’t like the bright colours of my clothes and splattered me with a well directed and huge amount of white shit, on my head, hair, face and all over the front of my dress….. Of course, everybody who saw that laughed, I – funnily enough – didn’t think it was THAT hilarious, especially knowing that gulls’ shit is nearly impossible to remove. We fled in the nearest ‘public toilette’, where I put first my head under the sparingly running tap, to remove the dirt from hair and face. Then I took off my clothes and tried to scrub them so-so clean under the little water to emerge. Everybody who saw me was full of understanding and commiserated – but heck, that wasn’t my best day. So there, it could have been MUCH worse for you, my friend!
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Ok I’m sorry. This was very FUNNY!!
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It was. NOT. But even I cd see the funnyness of it.
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Ha!
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Thanks for sharing.
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I am killing myself laughing here… Dude… all that crap?
Now, onto the running… have you not heard that it is best to have a day of rest between runs – especially when you haven’t done it in a dog’s age?
Lawzy… that jelly doughnut does look good though…
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Come on Dale. If I take one day odd, I’m done. Kaput. Finished. Quit.
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LOL! Alrighty then… just trying to protect your muscles…
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Save your breath for someone that can listen to rational feedback and execute.
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Right. What what I thinking?
At least you got up and went out. I sat on my duff yesterday pretty much all day.
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Yes, but you have bad Wing. An excuse.
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No excuses…
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I wasn’t going there… 😁
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All good… once I warm them up, they work just fine… till the end of the day when they remind me that, maybe not so much. In solidarity with you, David!
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Well that’s great. And without your solidarity, where would I be?
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Oh you know you have quite the fan base. There are a bunch of us in your corner.
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Pom Poms or No Pom Poms, I am grateful.
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No excuses…
Oh, and while we are on the subject of sweets… ya gotta check out today’s post 😉 I did a little showing off…
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I’m off to check it out.
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🙂
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That jelly doughnut was amazing. So was the second. And the third. The hangover? That was something else.
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Buahahaha! You are so bad…
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The best…. love all of it. Especially that you knew to quit before dropping dead. You’re no spring chick any more 😉
But that conveyor belt line up. Don’t know any of the produce (‘cept the donut) but nearly killed myself laughing with the ´highlight’ of the injection behind the counter …. gosh, you ARE quite the story teller, aren’t you !
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Ha. Not a young chick. You are right. But I won’t believe it. I haven’t aged a day. Not one day. No Kiki. I WILL live forever. Period.
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Wouldn’t that be something? …. 🤸♂️🏆🏳
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Sounds like you are training for a marathon! Are you? Back in the day, I trained hard, running 70 k (I’m so Canadian, i don’t even know what that is in miles) a week. These days, I’m happy with 5 k, three times a week. It’s sustainable. It’s doable. It’s enough. I’ve made peace with the past even if I still wear that 70 k like a badge. As for jelly donuts, I once used them in a presentation on back care, as a model for what happens when a disc herniates. When our group returned from lunch break, the jelly donuts were all gone, with only a crumpled bag of powdered sugar left to show for them. Loved your story. Maybe go a little easier on yourself … 😊
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70k? Wow. Impressive. No Sharon, no marathons. I put the miles in to cut weight in hurry. This approach is far less effective than it used to be, but what remains a constant is those jelly donuts. Magic!
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15 k a week now. Less impressive. Doesn’t quite neutralize my own sugar vice. Constant indeed!
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9-10 miles a week. Very good. I’m tracking your blog now. I’m thrilled others have vices. 😊
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Yay, that makes my day! I’ve had the same 10 followers for years and two of the them are the same person!
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Laughing. You didn’t ask and I’m sure you have reasons, and the right ones. But WordPress and its community are very special, and special to me. Urge you to think about moving over from blogspot to WordPress. It will be life changing. 🙂
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I have seriously considered switching over then abandoned the idea because the thought of transferring all my blog entries over seems so daunting. Will consider it again. Thank you for the nudge. 😊
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I promise. This will be the last you hear from me on this topic. It is not that difficult. Imports from your site to wordpress.com are fairly routine.
https://en.support.wordpress.com/import/coming-from-blogger/
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You inspired me to start the process. Transferring my domain name for now. Thanks!
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Great! Good luck.
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And I get zero commission. 😃. I’m now done on the topic.
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LOL! Birdshit is supposed to be lucky! So glad you found your running shoes 💛
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Good luck? Come on Val. Not buying THAT.
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I think I was told it when I was little and it has stuck with me. Not literally thankfully 😅
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Yes. Thankfully.
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Checked it out. It’s lucky in Turkey 🇹🇷
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LAUGHING. I need to move to Turkey.
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Oh boy ….😝
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Truly made me laugh out loud. Thank you!
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Spreading Joy all over!!! Hope you are well Lorraine…
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Some days you’re the bird, other days the statue…
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Laughing. Love this.
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Have I ever told you about “The Bulletholes Ten”. Its a ten minute loop around my apartment. If I’m feeling frisky, I’ll do two laps.
I always think about my nephew Dave, and what it takes to do one of these ultras he runs. An Ultra is an 80 mile jog over mountains and rivers and stuff, and you have like 24 hours to do it. I wonder how long it will take me to achieve the mindset of the ultra runner. I’m not sure I really WANT to.
I had told Dave about “The Bulletholes Ten” last month. I said “The great thing about “The Ten” is that if I decide I need to bail, I’m never more than 10 minutes from home”.
Dave looked at me, pitifully.
“You mean five. You are never more than five minutes from home” he said.
I paused a moment, quickly reviewed my calculations, rocked back on my heels a bit and grinned.
“Right, Dave my boy! Only five minutes from home!”
Dave is not just a great Ultra runner. He’s a damn fine mathematician as well.
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Laughing. Love this. Thanks for sharing.
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Talenti Mint Chocolate Chip Gelato, noticed on the online ad for the grocery store Friday Special was Talenti ice cream 2 for $5.00 I thought of you and the Mint Chocolate Chip Gelato…I sent dear hubby to the store where he picked up 2 pints one Vanilla the other Black Raspberry Chocolate Chip…and a few other items…
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Did you like it?
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The Black Raspberry Chocolate Chip is our preferred Talenti, noticed it last summer or early fall, you should try it and when you do hold it in your mouth and let the flavors melt in…the Vanilla well I was about out of my Vanilla Ice Cream-the gelato in Vanilla just doesn’t hold up to the Amazing Creamery Ice cream…should have had him pick up 2 Black Raspberries Chocolate Chip pints!!!
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!!!!!
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