True story: One summer, years ago, I went tubing…The sun was blazing, and the water was cool. It was a perfect day to close your eyes and let the current carry you. I was enjoying myself, until we rounded the final bend and saw the parking lot. I leaned back to get my arms in the water and I started to kick and paddle. In a froth of churning water, I passed my mom, my sister, my boyfriend and my brothers, and as I reached the dock, I shouted out, “I won!”
That’s me. All my life, I’ve made lists and set deadlines, never content, or even able, to just glide.
That kind of drive has served me well when aimed at challenges within my control, like writing a novel…I never stopped hoping that if I worked hard enough, wanted it badly enough, I’d finally get the acclaim that I craved…
That did not happen. And my brain, which had propelled me toward so many successes, could not push me past disappointment. Instead of focusing on everything that had gone right, including how lucky I was to make a living as a writer, it got stuck on what had gone wrong. Let’s think about it! my brain suggested, like a Roomba endlessly butting itself into a corner. Let’s think about it a lot. Especially at 3 in the morning. Let’s go over every single choice. Let’s dwell.
I tried yoga. I attempted meditation. Nothing helped. Instead, each spiritual setting and inner-growth-focused class presented new opportunities to compete: I held that pose for longer than anyone in the class. I’m way more Zen than she is. Finally, I remembered reading about how learning something new — creating new neural pathways — was a way to send your thoughts in different directions.
And so, after a 35-year hiatus, I started taking piano lessons again.
I had been an indifferent piano student as a kid…By high school, I had bumped up against the limits of my natural abilities. So I quit. I turned my attention toward activities at which I could excel…
Photo: videvo
Live & Learn 
and that is enough.
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It should be, yes.
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Message received on this end – how about you, pal? May this be the best year ever – barring any comparisons 😉
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Laughing. Still receiving the message Mimi. Still receiving. Lot of static in transmission.
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As long as some of it is getting through…😊
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Oh yes, but this personal transformation thing, it’s a long (very) road.
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Happy New Year, David. I’m glad you showcased this piece. “So I will persist … I will invite failure into my life…”. Those words jumped out at me this morning even though I have read the NYT article several times. For me, it is quilting rather than piano playing and life itself in this fourth year of retirement after a life of being in charge.
The company is gone. The sun is coming up. Coffee scents the air. I am grateful for your persistence with this blog and your insight shared. You are good company along the way.
Mary Ann
>
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Beautiful Mary Ann. And the you for your kind words and for following along. Happy New Year!
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This is great. I don’t have it in me. But I tremendously admire those with this attitude. I can’t deal with too many failures on my part. I have to have results right away.
And yes, it is not too late, but I still don’t have it in me. To pick up something new at this age! Though the scientist in me knows we can always create new neural pathways.
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Oh, come on. You aren’t alone here. Who loves failures. And which of us doesn’t want results right away! You are part of a huge club here!
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It’s not good. This is something I admire about millennials! Their flexibility. We are not as flexible as they are. They b*tch and whine but they push themselves way further out of their comfort zone than we do.
I need to create new neural pathways soon. Hmmm! You got me thinking this morning.
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Sawsan, the point is they ARE millennials…. Don’t you worry, they’ll calm down all on their own and in their own time – we have to live as gracefully as we can with our shortcomings. I’m long past beating myself up over all the stuff I should have/could have done better…. It’s like enjoying the food we eat, it sems that nobody can enjoy what they have on their plate any longer. A fried chicken or a nice pece of met with a (God forbid) sauce? AND fries? Mustn’t eat anything the next 5 days…. A breakfast with buttered and honey’d slices of crusty bread? Goodness me – must be followed by a series of green smoothies illico presto (= the next 7 weeks!)….. NO, I was a ‘terrible’ achiever, always best, quickest, informed, and yet I failed in life in quite a spectacular manner. NOW I’m w/o ambition apart from being good company, a great listener and a good wife with the patience of a saint and I’m just fine. Come on sweetie, join my club!
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Dale, I believe we are here to teach them. And I love and appreciate what they’re here to teach us. I would like to rise up to the challenge of picking up something new and do it gracefully. Like described in this inspirational post.
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Did you mean Dale or me? 😉 or both…. 🙂
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You, Kiki 🙂
💕
Things got tangled here yesterday!
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Sawsan, put outside their comfort zone, yes. I agree. As to their stick-to-it-ivness, that’s something else.
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And we don’t know how to get unstuck!
I sometimes write under a different name. You know why? Because I’m a coward. If she fails it’s on her. Not on me. No where near learning how to fail gracefully.
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Which is why I don’t golf 😉
Can’t be even moderately good immediately? Buh-bye…
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Buh-bye – still laughing.
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Great way to end the year, dontcha think?
Laugh away, DK, Laugh away!!
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it really is!
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😀
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Oh, don’t get me started on golf!!!
I’ll just say that I don’t get it!
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Why anyone would want to take five hours out of their day to hit a stupid ball with a crooked stick to the other end of the world – losing their shit along the way each time they miss – is beyond me…
Robin Williams’ skit is the best…
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OMG…
I’m on my lunch break. Almost chocked on my food laughing!
Right?
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Have you seen the skit? Enjoy, if you have not 😉
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I never saw this before. He’s amazing. Wow.
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No way!! It is fantastic. He was brilliant.
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LAUGHING…
I miss him so much. Thank you Dale!
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Laugh away! He was such a gem!
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This was great, David. As we try to find a better us (you ain’t the only one trying to “re-vamp” yourself into something (even) better 😉 ) we realise we can’t all be Forrest Gumps who seem to excel at everything they do 😉
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Dale, wins – for me – the daily prize of best comment! I never looked at FG in THAT way – but you’re right, he had it all sussed out!
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Ahh Kiki… you have to see DK and my exchange yesterday to see why I used the FG comment… it’s all his fault!!
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I’ll do that – I’m on a ‘blog hiatus’…. (as you will know as I haven’t *seen* you for far too long)….
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Ah well… you are most definitely allowed to take a break! I appreciate you when you do stop by and totally understand when you don’t!
Happy 2019!! xoxo
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Poor Jenni….. 😉
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She was so right. She was a writer for a living yet focused on getting published, something that never happened.Thats me. Even though Im not doing much writing as a writer at work, they still changed my title to be one. We are never satisfied. Im going to start painting…something Ive never been good at. I need an atritude adjustment!
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Smiling. We could all use a whole lot of that (attitude adjustment)! Happy New Year Claudia.
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You’re still awake?
Happy New Year, DK!
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Just got up! Happy New Year Dale!
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Oy! Got in about an hour ago. Went into Old Montreal and brought in the new year at the top of the ferrris wheel. Coolest. Thing. Ever.
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You have the spirit and energy of a 19 year old. I’m so jealous!
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Ya well… Maybe it’s the result of choice as my last post blah blahed on about!
I will feel it later, no doubt!
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🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
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Hi David,
Happy New Year.
Keep up the great work.
Kevin
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Hi Kevin. Thank you so much. Happy New New Year!
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Sounds familiar… same story here. I’m having a hard time with practicing too, even though the logical part of my brain knows I’d probably get very good results doing so!
I maybe take comfort in using the excuse, that painting is what I mainly concentrate on.
Yet, I still believe, deeply that, time will come when my childhood yearning for piano fluency will be rekindled accompanied by the will to keep it up.
It’s a matter of time…
The right time.
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Smiling. I understand. And for some reason your shared experience reminds me of this poem by Mark Strand.
A snowflake, a blizzard of one, weightless, entered your room
And made its way to the arm of the chair where you, looking up
From your book, saw it the moment it landed. That’s all
There was to it. No more than a solemn waking
To brevity, to the lifting and falling away of attention, swiftly…
That someone years hence, sitting as you are now, might say:
“It’s time. The air is ready. The sky has an opening.”
~ Mark Strand, from “A Piece of the Storm” in “Blizzard of One (Alfred A. Knopf, Inc. 1998)
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Dave; what did I say earlier about 2nd and/or 3rd posts??? 🙂 🙂 🙂 What a gem – so great that I will copy this and re-read when one of ‘these’ moments will creep up!
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Laughing. This was beautiful passage. Here’s the entire poem: https://www.poetrysociety.org/psa/poetry/poetry_in_motion/atlas/chicago/a_piece_of_the/
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Beautiful poem, thanks!
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Wow, just wow – that one sentence – not, that fraction of a sentence!!!!
A snowflake, a blizzard of one, weightless…….
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It is beautiful. That line froze me too!
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Ack! Somehow this post slipped below the radar, but I love it and have enjoyed the comments that followed just as much (one of the many great things about the DK blog–the way the community takes a topic and runs with it).
This idea of not being perfect, the fear of putting oneself out there, the ‘need to succeed’ that too frequently gives rise to a stillborn willingness to risk, all so tough to surmount. And yet…. a while back you did a post (or maybe it was Bonnie) on choosing a word for the year rather than setting a resolution. Mine this year is ‘Give’ — give my ear to others, give some kindness to myself, give myself the permission to try something new and yes, perhaps fall flat, but give. As Strand points out so eloquently, ‘The sky has an opening….’ Happy 2019, pal!!
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Smiling. 1) I too love how the community pulls on a string and runs. Amazing! 2) Give. Like it! Happy New Year Lori!
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