Walking Cross-Town. With Marrow.

~ Live & Learn

It’s 6:38 pm and I’m rushing across town to catch the 7:12 at Grand Central.

It’s 6:38 pm. I note the coincidence – I boarded the 6:38 am morning train, must be some significance in that. Or absolutely none at all and you are delirious.

The thought evaporates like mist and the mind shifts to The Feet.  Still 75 minutes from home. The skin has been scraped raw off both heels from new shoes – I wince with each step. How about a few shots of Novocain Doc, hit me. Inject a few blasts in the forehead and let it slow drip, down the bloodstream, relieve the weight from the shoulders and back, and let it settle in my feet, just camp out right there.

The day ended with a semi-social event. Whatever marrow is left, is being sucked out of this introvert’s bones.  A career development event for twenty high potentials. I step in the restroom a few minutes before the session, splash cold water on my face, and look. There’s me in the mirror.  Thinning hair, and this is kind. Gray. Bags under the eyes, a raccoon  Shoulders slumped. Suit rumbled. And they’re looking for some secret sauce from you?  Try, please, try, not to repeat yourself. Try not to curse. Try not to be too authentic.  

“What single core strength do you feel has contributed to your success?” The question comes from one young lady, and the other next to her smiles.

I pause, and cycle through the possible answers in my head. Hard Work! Focus! A great team! Commitment! All politically correct, and of course, that would be too easy. Bah! I go the other way.

“Well, ladies, I would say that better than anyone, and I mean everyone” – – and I pause before spitting it out, “I am better and faster than anyone at finding 43 reasons why something will go wrong, why I will fail, why something will end in a unmitigated disaster, and why I’m not good enough. And I can launch myself into the abyss better and faster than anyone.”

They stare at me, wonder if I’m joking, and then both laugh.

“Really?”

“Really!”

And I look at the two of them, with so much promise, so much time – – and noted that for the last 80 minutes, I have been feeding off their marrow.

“Best career session I have ever attended. Really appreciate your candor,” she shares while reaching to shake my hand.

And there I stood, having crawled out of the abyss, blinded by the Light.

Notes:

25 thoughts on “Walking Cross-Town. With Marrow.”

  3. One day, I’ll tell you my ‘sham theory’ – I lived that with every step up the ladder, chasing me and taunting..,and then I met those who mentored me. Far more successful, smarter – and far more convinced of their sham status than me (which theoretically, was hard to believe)

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  4. Within the core of every successful person that I’ve ever met is the gnawing concern that they are not good enough, smart enough, and that one day, someone will discover that they really are not sure of what they are doing. But they keep going, in spite of it all.

    Every. single. one.

    .

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  9. Some feelings are universal, or almost so for most. Why, why! are we so hard on ourselves? And yet, on the pages of this blog, I see we also share the need to find and live our authenticity. And AMEN! to that, my friend.
    (As I type this, the sun is just starting to peek out from our snowy New England morning. A good omen, I think.)

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  10. “Try not to curse. Try not to be too authentic.”

    Separated at birth, dude!

    This is very familiar. I have often spoken at such events and my candor is often a bit stunning to those hoping for/expecting the usual, gauzy “you go girl!!!” encouragement.

    Candor is rare and highly value as a result.

    My greatest strength? Not giving up. 🙂

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  11. Only 43 reasons? Surely there is more? ha! 😜 Your honesty, vulnerability and authenticity is what attracts success in your life Mr K. When the ego talks, no one wants to listen, and no one learns. Bravo to you 👏👏👏

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  12. I can relate after more than my share of those events. I think the truth would’ve been somewhere in between the two strains of thought, no? But you’re known to be good at beating up on yourself…so I get it. At least they didn’t tell you that ‘you’ve HAD an interesting life’ – that’s much worse a response than an innocent Really? Trust me.

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