Take the gloves off

Posted on by Live & Learn

touch, hands,love,feel

We waste so much energy trying to cover up who we are when beneath every attitude is the want to be loved, and beneath every anger is a wound to be healed and beneath every sadness is the fear that there will not be enough time.

When we hesitate in being direct, we unknowingly slip something on, some added layer of protection that keeps us from feeling the world, and often that thin covering is the beginning of a loneliness which, if not put down, diminishes our chances of joy.

It’s like wearing gloves every time we touch something, and then, forgetting we chose to put them on, we complain that nothing feels quite real. Our challenge each day is not to get dressed to face the world but to unglove ourselves so that the doorknob feels cold and the car handle feels wet and the kiss goodbye feels like the lips of another being, soft and unrepeatable.

― Mark Nepo, The Book of Awakening

 

Sources: Photo: Inside Silence by Laura Makabresku. Quote: Waves of Beauty

44 thoughts on “Take the gloves off”

  1. This is so true. The people who spend the most time covering up who they are are often the ones complaining about loneliness and being taken advantage of. But if we don’t show our true selves, we can’t be loved for our true selves…

    1. Alexis, yes. Your insight reminded me of this:

      He could exhibit many different qualities, including self-sacrifice and concern, but they all served….to preserve himself as he was. No one could love him: he loved himself so much, not in the sense of emotion but in the sense of self-preservation, that there didn’t seem to be any love that could be added, it was excessive as it was; and almost all his actions had a thin layer of fear for himself, the apprehension that events could interfere with his plans and destroy his plots.

      ~ Sergei Lebedev, Oblivion. Translated by Antonina Bouis (New Vessel Press. 2016)

  3. Nepo is a poet. I am not.
    When I sense this in people, the gloves, the shields, the protection, I sometimes want to grab them by the shoulders and I want to ask,
    “What did they do to you? What happened that made you this way? ”

    It’s painful. Even if they speak the same language you do, doesn’t make any difference.

    People come into the world naked, body and soul. I’m glad we learned to dress. But the soul must stay bare.

    This is beautiful, paired with this photo. Thanks for posting.

  4. I suspect we’ve all known someone who is ‘thoroughly insulated’ — I can think of several right now. And I must confess that having been scalded by emotion on more than one occasion, the temptation to ‘suit up’ before engaging can be powerful. But boy, you sacrifice an awful lot if you choose to live this way. Beautiful reminder, pal, and that photo is perfect. May you connect meaningfully today. 😌

    2. “Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it’s cracked up to be. That’s why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don’t risk anything, you risk even more.”
      -Erica Jong

      YOU Lori, are a pot of love. A crucible.
      I’m using this quote here for love in general. Not romantic love.

      2. Sawsan, that is one of the kindest things anyone has ever said to me. I believe so fervently in the power of love…sometimes to a fault, which is why, I guess, I’ve been kicked in the teeth more than once, and still come back for more. The feeling experienced when two souls meet — be it as friends or as lovers — is something I’m just not willing to forfeit in favor of safety.

  9. I recently went back through my journals and could see entries centered around personal moments of great difficulty where I wasn’t being honest, although the only audience I had was myself. Its hard sometimes to confront life exactly as the way it is, without some sort of insulation.

    1. David, terrific insight. I’m confident I would have landed in same place if I had journals and performed a similar retrospective. You thoughts reminded me of:

      An Australian shaman once said to me that this voice – truth, knowledge, God, whatever you want to call it – is soft, like a butterfly on your finger; you could flick it off with an absent motion and lose it, just like that. We wish truth would grab us by the lapels, but we have to come to it, sometimes through voluntary attunement, a moral decision, but usually it’s good old Shiva.

      ~ Marc Ian Barasch in an interview by Derrick Jensen for “The Sun” (Healing Dreams)

  17. I only wear gloves when my hands are cold, or to wash dishes. Otherwise, no gloves. I like to feel the true nature of things, and want other people who care to really get to know me to likewise do so. You want to shake. No gloves allowed!

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