There is nothing, and there is not one bloody thing.

~ Live & Learn

mary-louise-parker-aberash-daughter

In September, 2007, Mary-Louise Parker adopted a child from an orphanage in Ethiopia.  The child’s Uncle walked a distance that Parker stated she would complain if she had to travel to in a car. The journey was made with his children, three of which were under 10. The baby was carried on his hip. This excerpt is from a letter written by Parker (“Dear Uncle“) as a tribute to him.  In their first meeting, he said: “I hope that she will be taken care of, go to school and perhaps one day be something, a doctor.”

There are so many reductive adjectives used to describe those materially less fortunate, words the privileged use to anoint them. Words like proud, or graceful…It never rings true. Having seen what I saw when you brought me to the hut where my daughter was born, and introduced me to the people in your village, I felt like I was hovering over every judgment of my reality and yours, unable to land. None of the families I met were intact, everyone had lost children, parents, or a spouse. There was not enough of anything for anyone. The only bounty was in categories of suffering or possible ways to die. I didn’t feel them looking at me with distance, they all smiled and shook my hand.

I hid my embarrassment at how stupid I felt when I entered your hut and was alarmed by the darkness that swallowed me despite it being late morning. Of course I knew there was no electricity, no light would be there except for what might creep in through that ceiling of straw. I knew it, but I couldn’t fathom it until I stood inside with you and stared at an actual nothingness and my eyes adjusted to near black. There is nothing, and there is not one bloody thing. As you pointed at different parts of the hut that were designated for the cows to sleep, or the spot where your family of twelve eats when there is food, or where you slept, I saw spots with absolutely nothing in them. There was an absence of comment on your situation that made you seem twenty feet tall. It’s something I could never know if I hadn’t stood there, with you showing me what life is like on another planet where there is no complaining, or showing disappointment.

You were kind. I don’t want to quantify or describe it to anyone who won’t see how far you walk or what you have to eat or where you go to pray. It feels vulgar to be more explicit about what you face. I saw your life, less than lucky in every obvious respect, but blessed in ways I’m not built to understand. I don’t think you would appreciate being characterized as anything other than a man who loves God and tries to be good. I think I know what actual divinity is because you handed it to me when I said I hoped I would come back and you would meet my son, and you said

You must, because we are all a family now

I hit a new threshold of speechlessness when you gave me the most tremendous gift I’ve ever received and then thanked me. What can you say to that, there is no saying, “Oh no, thank you.” There’s nothing but commonality. Just humility and being keenly aware that I will never live up to that gift, but will wake up every morning and try ferociously to meet it and marvel at it.

~ Mary-Louise Parker, ‘Dear Uncle’ from Dear Mr. You

Notes:

44 thoughts on “There is nothing, and there is not one bloody thing.”

  5. “There was an absence of comment on your situation that made you seem twenty feet tall. It’s something I could never know if I hadn’t stood there, with you showing me what life is like on another planet where there is no complaining, or showing disappointment.” Absolutely true this is. Such a beautiful post, David, thank you. Happy Thanksgiving!

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  8. thanks for all the posts that hit your soul and make you realize aspects of your life that you don’t , but should have front and center. wish you well always Dave

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  17. Many thoughts come up for me reading this. One is that Mary Louise Parker must be an amazing human being. Another, as I watch (judgmentally) tv footage of throngs of people rushing into stores and fighting (!) I realize how easy it is for me to succumb to using reductive adjectives to describe, well, anyone.

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  18. Back at home with a healthy Internet connection (for which I am most grateful) and humbled by this post and so much more. My 11-year-old niece set her alarm for 3:15 a.m. This morning to get up and see us off. I don’t know who was crying harder. Family….good, bad, otherwise, blood or choice, it’s so very important…. And you have become extended family by choice, pal. So very grateful for you, too….

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  21. This is wonderful, grace-full (!), humbling and mirrors a LONG mail I received Friday from a friend whose husband worked for a Swiss Aid programme in “poor” countries such as Rwanda….. They brought back a further child who they adopted. They visited one son who lives now in Senegal and she told me their experiences they made this time…. I am SO thankful that thoroughly good people like these still exist…..

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      1. True…. I also suggested that my friend and her family should get sainthood…. If you knew everything they did and still do, it’s insane and nearly incredible. btw, they refused my suggestion with a kind smile…. 😉

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