It opened with the intention of a feather-light, human touch of good will.
And it hasn’t closed.
Like a snag on your favorite sweater that you keep pulling and pulling.
It was 4 weeks ago.
End to end it couldn’t have lasted more than 7 seconds.
She’s an executive assistant on another floor.
I was passing by to get to a meeting. In a hurry. (“‘Only the sick man and the ambitious,’ wrote Ortega, ‘are in a hurry.’” DK: Which one are you?)
“Good morning x?”
“Really Dave, you’ve worked with me for how long, 5-10 years? And you still don’t know my name.”
“I’m so sorry,” stealing a glance at her name plate. She caught the glance. Damage done. Twice, in seconds.
Later that week, I pass by her desk. And pause.
She talking to a colleague.
“I refuse to speak to him.”
He turns to me: “Wow, what have you done to her?”
Colaianni’s whispers: “When I hear my own name, I have as much a sense of it entering my body through my back or my hand or my chest as through my ears… “
Note to Self: And when I don’t hear my own name or someone calls me by the wrong name, I have as much a sense of it entering my body through the back of their hand to my face, my chest, the back of my head…
“All things are engaged in writing their history. The planet, the pebble, goes attended by its shadow. The rolling rock leaves its scratches on the mountain, the river, its channel in the soil, the animal, its bones in the stratum, the fern and leaf, their modest epitaph in the coal. The falling drop makes its sculpture in the sand or the stone. Not a foot steps into the snow or along the ground, but prints, in characters more or less lasting, a map of its march. Every act of the person inscribes itself in the memories of its fellows, and in his own manners and face. The air is full of sounds, the sky of tokens, the ground is all memoranda and signatures, and every object covered over with hints which speak to the intelligent.”
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
Credits: Portrait: Stephan Vanfleteren. Emerson quote – Thank you Makebelieveboutique. Shakespeare Quote for blog title “What’s in a name?” – Soulsentences. Ortego quote: George Sheehan – Running & Being. Louis Colaianni quote from The Joy of Phonetics and Accents.
sometimes we forget that the smallest action can leave the largest impression.
And therein lies the key point and takeaway.
This was painful to read. Perhaps a simple, “I’m sorry” could repair some of the damage? Having been on the receiving end of such treatment, I know such an acknowledgement would have meant a lot to me…..
It is painful to read. Re-read. Re-live. Yes. I’m getting around to next steps.
A greater ambition – knowing and trying to be aware of those beating hearts around us – may render Ortega’s quote questionable at best. For ambition redefined in this way would require that one slow down, take a look at someone’s face, remember our power to hurt of happify and strive for the truly ambitious objective of succeeding as a human being.
Yes. Warmly and thoughtful put Mimi. As usual.
Ouch. I’m terrible at names, better than most but not as good as my father, who has a knack for remembering anyone’s name…….a gift.
Your Father is amazing. Period.
Good post. I can relate to this one.
Thanks Anneli.
“Every act of the person inscribes itself in the memories of its fellows…” This is true, you know. We don’t realize just how true this is until we are on the receiving end of some manner of treatment which will burn itself into our memory forever. We carry these things with us through all our life. As usual, it is your awareness which I believe redeems you, my friend. And the executive assistant will likely remember most of all…your pausing and standing at her desk and the interaction which then took place. Love to you, David.
Thank you Carol.
I forget names quickly unless I use them often. I am especially bad with common names. You make many many kind imprints every day David. Remember those too.
Thank you Brenda. I appreciate the kind words.
I always remember faces. But – I don’t always remember names. I feel bad when someone remembers my name – but – I don’t recall theirs. If someone forgets mine – I think – Whew – good – this doesn’t only happen to me. 🙂
🙂 Nice loop RoSy.
I really do try my best, David, but sometimes my memory goes blank. It doesn’t bother me at all if someone forgets my name. I understand. 🙂
Good for you Sylvia.
As someone whom has been (incorrectly) described as aloof on more than one occasion, I am in no position to preach. But I can remind you of your post last week … the ability to slow down? You have the most remarkable ability to retain names and dates of most anyone I know, so it must be the frantic pace at work here.
Thank you Stephen. There are two answers here. The one you state and another one. You have given me grist for another post. I’m going to hold my further comments. Thanks for the inspiration.
I am terrible with names. Its something I struggle with all the time. Slow down, focus, be aware, be present—all the instructions barking in my head. What did he/she say their name was? Yet, I despise it when someone forgets my name. So, I’m learning to cut people slack,. That includes me. Though I’ll continue working on the name thing.
Yes, me too Carol, me too.
Whoops, I am poor on names too, though I have managed to bluff my way through most challenges where I cannot remember the other person’s name.
The bluffee almost always knows that the bluffer is doing it, I’m afraid.