2:30 am.
The mind is buzzing.
Thoughts zipping around like skeeter bugs on the surface of a still pond.
Most leaving faint ripples in their wake.
Work. Weight. Weekend. Work. Work. Work.
But One lingers. And has lingered since yesterday morning.
I’m pulling out of the gas station.
The morning traffic is blocking the exit.
Nine cars pass.
I’m counting.
A pick-up finally stops.
I can see the outline of his face.
He’s not smiling.
He doesn’t wave me in.
He just stops.
And waits.
One small gesture.
And it stuck.
And that small gesture…
Led the mind to leapfrog to The greatest crime of all…
“I couldn’t keep myself from thinking everything in New York was superior to every other place I’d ever been, which hadn’t been all that many places. I was stunned by New York. Its grand parks and museums. Its cozy cobbled streets and dazzlingly bright thoroughfares. Its alternately efficient and appalling subway system. Its endlessly gorgeous women clad in slim pants and killer shoes and interesting coats.
And yet something happened on my way to falling head over heels in love with the place. Maybe it was the man getting stabbed that no one worried about. Or maybe it was bigger than that. The abruptness, the gruffness, the avoid-eye-contact indifference of the crowded subways and streets felt as foreign to me as Japan or Cameroon, as alien to me as Mars. Even the couple who owned the bodega below our apartment greeted my husband and me each day as if we were complete strangers, which is to say they didn’t greet us at all, no matter how many times we came in to buy toilet paper or soup, cat food or pasta. They merely took our money and returned our change with gestures so automatic and faces so expressionless they might as well have been robots. …
This tiny thing … grew to feel like the greatest New York City crime of all, to be denied the universal silent acknowledgment of familiarity, the faintest smile, the hint of a nod.”
~ Cheryl “Sugar” Strayed
Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar
Credits: Image. Quote: Brainpickings
Maybe this is why people think we in the Midwest are so “friendly.” Hugh Jackman remarked on it when he was here for a renovated theater’s reopening. So much so that he and his wife thought of buying a house here. We don’t feel any differently than the folks in New York. We just look people in the eye a bit more.
Yes Sandy. And pace is a bit slower as well to be able to do so…
The smallest sign that affirms that we are here, we are seen.
Yes. And are human.
So glad you experienced a rare show of courtesy, even if it was without a smile. Have a great weekend. 🙂
Thank you Sylvia. You too…
As a Midwesterner from a tiny rural farming community, I was brought up knowing pretty much *everyone* around me, which can be comforting and, at times, stifling. But it made me keenly aware of the importance of acknowledgement and connection, if only for the briefest moment…..
Me too Lori. Me too…
It reminds me of riding Bart in the Bay Area. Pretty much everyone on Bart sits or stands there expressionless…almost as if they are afraid that smiling will make them more vulnerable…and no one wants to become vulnerable in the midst of the maddening crowd. Anyway, yes, “the greatest crime of all.”
🙂 Yes…
Love that book by Cheryl Strayed!
Marianne, I haven’t read it. I’m checking it out now.
It’s why I love loving in a small town.
Been there. Not ready to go back. Not just yet.
YIKES! I meant love LIVING in a small town. What will people think now? OMG.
This adds a whole new layer to all of your responses, Anneli! 😉
Groan!!! I was mortified when I clicked on Post Comment a split second too soon.
I hear ya. My iPad is constantly “autocorrecting” live to love, and it’s made for some interesting (ahem) responses… 😉
🙂 I’ll have to be more careful and a bit slower on the click reflex. That autocorrect option can get a person into big trouble!
P.S. when I was growing up, we still had a party line in my hometown (can you imagine?! Til I was about 5 years old.) anyhoo, as a kid I was endlessly fascinated by the fact that I could pick up the phone at virtually any given time and “tap into” a conversation in progress. Suffice it to say that, judging from my mother’s response to some of my innocently placed questions about what I had “overheard” on the party line, there was a fair amount of “loving” as well as “living” going on in our little community….
Oh, that’s a hoot! I remember party lines too, but I never got away with listening in. A person could write a book about “Things Overheard.” I bet it would be a bestseller.
Oh, believe me, as soon as my mother wised up to my activities, my days of being a “little pitcher with big ears” we’re done….
Funny, we had a “party line” too…
Wow Anneli, I had no idea!!
STOPIT! I knew you’d have fun with this one!!!
I like to surprise people with hellos & smiles. Love their expressions in return. 🙂
I always wondered who those people were that did that to me. 🙂
😉
We moved from San Antonio, Tx to Washington, DC years ago. We stayed in an interim apartment until our permanent one was ready in another part of town. The first evening as I walked down the hall to empty a trash can, I passed a woman in the hall and looked at her to say hello; she averted her eyes looking at the wall to one side of her to keep from looking at me. I didn’t know what to make of that, the first time I encountered such coldness from a stranger…not how it was in San Antonio. It took me awhile to understand this.
Angeline, I was moved by your comment. Thanks for sharing. I could feel the uncomfortableness and awkwardness in the moment you experienced.
Is it that people are afraid to be seen or afraid to see?
Or just afraid?
yes, human to human contact. we all need to feel our presence has some meaning in this world, and a response to us from another person, no matter how small, reaffirms this for us in such a huge way.
Yes, in a surprisingly huge way