Wheels on the Bus. Are Coming Off.

Strawberry Hard Candy

It was a mid-afternoon meeting.
On a quiet day.
We’re sequestered for 90 minutes.
I’m in a listening role.
I sit back and settle.
And look forward to taking it all in,
in my mid-day sabbatical.

I eye the candy dish.
Do I need this? Of course not.
My eyes take inventory.
Butterscotch.
Red and White Mints. The Swirly type.
Two Orange Ovals with form fitted plastic wrappers.
One of something dark, odd shaped and foreign. How long you been sitting there?
Then my eyes land on the prize.
One diamond sporting a shiny, green carrot top. Yellow dots.
A Hard Strawberry Candy.

My hands greedily ferret to the bottom of the dish.
I remove the wrapper under the table to keep noise down.
And pop it into my mouth.
The strawberry sugars drip down my throat.
I swirl it to coat my mouth.
I continue to slowly chew and savor.
The candy loses its shape. It becomes gooey.

What is this I’m feeling now?
Can it be europhia?
Strawberry sugar high?

Then, the warm winds of bliss turn silent.
My back teeth clench on…a grain of sand?
I pause.
I bite down again.
A steel shovel slamming on a rock.
I stop chewing.
And pause again.

Am I rattled?
I don’t think I’m rattled.
Ex-Hockey player has been “here”ย before.
Feels like I’m rattled.
Oh, I’m rattled.

I run my tongue over my front teeth.
Everything upfront intact.
I exhale.
I look around the room. Secret remains mine.
I drop my head to spit myself out into the crinkly candy wrapper.

Ah, yes.
The Golden Brick Road to Golden Age.
Knees ache getting out of bed.
Periodic shooting pains in lower back.
Shortness of breath walking up stairs.
Mid-day migraines.
And now,
Dropping the bar another click lower:
Teeth falling out in meetings.

I can’t wait for tomorrow’s delights.


Image: Nuts.com


Comments

  1. I’m sorry, pal, I can’t help it….I’m giggling. That *crunch* is the absolute worst–“Dear Lord, let that be part of a filling instead of the whole left side of that rear molar!” But look on the bright side–maybe this is just the sort of “shock and awe” situation you need to kick the candy habit and blitz that last .4 lbs. Hang in there, David. As they say at home, “a little spit and bailing wire and you’ll be good as new!” ๐Ÿ˜‰ (Mama Lori says as she hops off her soapbox and heads to the kitchen to eat one of those yummy *soft* caramels that Bonnie sent her from Monterey. ๐Ÿ™‚ )

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  2. OMG…see what happens??? What is it going to take??? Now remember that every single time you see one of those delectable hard candies in the dish. They are the evil culprits that want to remove your teeth and destroy your diet! David, seriously, this is so hilarious…I have to laugh. Lol!!!

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  3. I think we might have been in the same meeting, no?

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  4. Oh! Poor you!

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  5. This is hilarious. Unfortunate but hilarious.

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  6. Did you lose the whole tooth or just a filling? We need to know. So glad you are happy to share your slide down the slippery slope so I can benchmark against mine. I might even share mine. At this stage nothing blogworthy, but time will undoubtedly tell.
    Are you saving money, as my mother did, to pay for a decent set of dentures when the time comes? The ivory finish, not those cheap matt ones?

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    • The good news is that I didn’t lose the whole tooth. The bad news is that I lost the filling (a crown, ouch on the expense) and a decent chunk of the tooth. More good news is that it doesn’t hurt and I didn’t have to rush in to fix it. That comes this week. As to dentures, I can’t bear to think of it. No, sir. I cannot. As to benchmarking, I look forward to taking the journey with you Michael. ๐Ÿ™‚

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      • With you all the way, David! I sustained a similar loss last year, but it was on an apple. Like you say, so lucky not to lose one at the front! I put it down not to ageing but to poor dental work in earlier years, They have made great advances in recent years. You’ll be fine! Save your dentures money for a decent coffin, I say.

        But be more worried, as I am, about those aches and pains eg in the knees, elbows etc!

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  7. Oh! ๐Ÿ˜ฆ That candy will never be the same! I know the feeling, chewy sweet things are not so desirable now, those days of chewiness are over! ๐Ÿ˜€

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  8. Have a partial – stay away from the Reese’s caramels . Hope you had dental insurance.

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  9. i’m sorry for your loss and i can totally identify with this, as the aging process marches on for all of us, and things seem to work less efficiently these days for me. when events like this happen to me, i am reminded of a ‘mature and seasoned’ car i had once, where parts would just stop working or fall off from time to time. some were worth replacing, others i would sigh or swear about and just let go.

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  10. The Universe provides so many ways to help you stick to your diet! My god, you are beloved!

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  11. David, don’t you know you are supposed to suck on those candies until they melt in your mouth? That way, your teeth are safe. Your diet, not so much ๐Ÿ™‚

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  12. This was H.I.L.A.R.I.O.U.S. It was like a funny clip from YouTube without dialogues. ๐Ÿ˜‰ Interestingly, it has happend with me, I had a lollipop with me instead of a toffee but luckily my tooth didn’t come out :p the orange flavored lollipop broke the upper building of my tooth so now its half the length. We are in the same ship David ๐Ÿ™‚ I love yours one alot more.

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  13. Ah the indignities of eating hard candy. Sorry David – been there, done that – and somehow I need to apologize for laughing at this, since I didn’t find it funny when it happened to me. The good news? It’s not age-related – I broke a molar on an unpopped kernel of popcorn when I was nineteen. I think this just falls under the category of ‘s–t happens’.

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    • Smiling. Surprised that I didn’t break a tooth on unpopped kernels of popcorn because I too gnaw on them. And yes, sh_t does happen. Could be worse (like your post said yesterday) and I am so lucky in so many other ways.

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  14. It started when I was about 8 years old, during the winter, on a good day to sled. Couldn’t get the speed I wanted so had a great idea – instead of running with the sled (since it slowed me down), I would put the sled down on the sidewalk, walk back, then take a run and a dive at the sled in full force to enable the most powerful slide. Except – I missed, Head and shoulders flew off the front end, my chin hitting the ground, half my front tooth disappeared into a snowbank.

    Busted two other teeth since. Both on hard caramels. Now I stick to Swedish Fish. Literally.

    Know how you feel, bud…. ๐Ÿ™‚

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  15. I’m sorry . . . but it did give me a chuckle.

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