21. And counting.

Posted on by Live & Learn

black and white; photography

She turned 21.

Our celebration dinner was at home earlier in the week.
Family was seated together. She was at the head of the table.
Champagne glasses filled. Dad with his Snapple. A Toast.
Her favorites. Cheesy Parmigiano-Reggiano breaded chicken breasts.
Buttery mashed potatoes. Long stemmed broccoli and cheese.
Followed by vanilla flavored birthday cake with thick gobs of frosting.
Cards from Grandparents.
Earrings.
She opens a small box from her Brother. Beaming. She slides on a ring.
I turn my head away to keep it together.
Discussion turns from sharing stories to plans for the evening.

“I’m staying in the city with a friend.”
“You mean you’re not coming home tonight?”
“No, Dad”

Flash of anger. Rolling to disappointment. Then settling into Sad. Turning deep, down and inward.

Dad’s leaning into a gushing current.
Water rushing over, under, through.
Hopeless to stop it. Yet he keeps trying.

Happy Birthday Honey…

59 thoughts on “21. And counting.”

    1. Thank you Frank. I appreciate the kind words and feedback. Some days if feels insurmountable to get just the right words on the page, and capture the moment. And other days, it flows like water. Thanks for dropping by.

  3. who’s the friend? how can I get a hold of you? when are you coming home? Aww shucks… little girl is growing up….

  5. Love the post. Flashes of the past. What i did is Let go and let God (not easy for a credit guy)

  6. It’s a bittersweet passage that all parents face but, congratulations! You are the proud father of a wonderful young woman.

    Peggy

  8. Awwwwww, you are a dear, sweet dad. Those words got to me, right in the center of my heart. It makes me think of that poem I love so much by Sharon Olds, which I think I’ll post on the new blog…after reading this sweet post of yours. I know the love in your soul my friend, and I know what it is to love a daughter. Your words bring tears…of love.

  9. I have a Rachael, too. She will be 24 in a month along with her twin. It’s been a lot like you describe with her. In our home we say, “That’s just so Rachael! “

  11. Hard to read with tear-filled eyes….wonderful post. One of my favorites (and there are many).

  14. A wonderful love letter to your baby girl who is growing up fast. I am still hoping you are saving these letters for her. She will value them with everything that is in her. There is nothing like a father’s deep abiding love for a daughter.

    BE ENCOURAGED! BE BLESSED!

    1. Thank you Francine. Funny you mention that. I’ve been thinking that I need to back them up and print them before some catastrophe happens. I need to get on this.

  16. Hi Dave,

    I certainly understand how you feel as I continue to struggle with letting go. My daughter thinks I have control issues, which I really don’t just want to make sure she is always safe.

    Thanks for sharing 🙂

  17. Are you really talking about your daughter Dave? If yes, I can’t believe she is already 21. Hope you continue to enjoy the memories you and your family share with her.

    B

  18. Happy Birthday to your daughter & wishes to her for many more.
    An emotional post. Must not be easy for a parent to “let go”. I’m still a ways from that stage. But – I can see it just around the corner with my son – who just turned 16 in May. would say – can’t they stay home forever. But – no – I really don’t want that.

  19. Happy Birthday to your amazing daughter. And how to define the tears at moments like this? She is your pride and your light; you have been her prince and she will define qualities that she sees in you when the time comes for her to search for her soul mate. And the relationships change and morph – as we mourn and celebrate at the same time. I don’t think we ever stop doing that.

      1. News flash – we never release. And after a breakfast ‘date’ with one of my sons, I think the only thing that changes is the way we hold. But let go? Ain’t gonna happen.

          1. Perhaps – but don’t ask me – I’m still asking the boys to indulge me on occasion and let me try and position their 6′ tall bodies on my lap. It makes for some laughs but somewhere – in all of our hearts, we know there’s an element of wistfulness to the entire activity.

  22. You know that old commercial where a dad is reminding his newly-licensed daughter about driving carefully as she prepares to take the family car out for a first solo spin? And the actress portraying the daughter keeps shifting between an older girl and a 5-year-old self (because that’s her in Dad’s eyes)? Always makes me teary. As does your post.

  23. David, Mimi hit it spot on. As our children grow and stretch their heartstrings in other directions just always remember, regardless of how thin it gets it never breaks with us. It’s just different.

  24. This brought tears to my eyes–i could feel your sadness and joy at the beautiful woman you’ve given to the world. She’ll always be Daddy’s Little Girl.

  25. This was a beautiful, “lump in the throat” inducing post, David, as those about your kids so frequently are. Your fierce love for Rachel and Eric shine through in every word, and it’s breathtaking. Happy Birthday, Rachel.

  26. I feel that all the way down inside. Happens every time I leave my son’s house, or my other son (23) takes off right after … whatever. Thanks for sharing.

  27. As always great post and what touched my heart was Rachel’s comment “thank you daddy” as if a little girl of 5 is thanking her Dad for the chocolates (:

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