“…One Sunday morning, when I was running out to get some groceries, I saw a big woman standing on the sidewalk, waving a Yard Sale sign around. She was wearing an outfit that didn’t compliment her body. Her boobs were jiggling and bouncing in a wild way, but she was smiling and shaking this big piece of cardboard with something scrawled on it. You could barely read the words. The writing was in ballpoint pen and maybe she ran out of room for the address because the last part was squeezed in there, and then there was this huge space under the words anyway. The whole thing was very unprofessional, the kind of thing that, if I had done it myself, I would’ve ripped it up, declaring it unacceptable, and then I would’ve complained about how I didn’t have anymore goddamn poster board to start another sign. Then I probably would’ve blamed my husband for not buying more poster board at the drugstore. ‘When I say get some poster board, that word “some” means more than one piece.’
I also would not have put on that outfit, if I were as big as she was. I’m not slender, mind you. But let’s be honest: if I were her, I would’ve looked in the mirror and moaned softly and then crawled back into bed. Even with a perfectly good outfit on, I wouldn’t have agreed to stand on the curb with a bad sign, drawing attention to myself. No way. If I were her, I would’ve made my husband stand around with the sign, and then I would’ve blamed him when the yard sale got too crowded and hectic. ‘Where have you been? I can’t handle this whole thing on my own! This was YOUR IDEA IN THE FIRST PLACE!’
But that morning, I sat at the intersection in my idling car and watched that woman bouncing around, and even though I was in a bad mood, she made me smile. She had swagger. She didn’t give a shit that she looked a little unwieldy out there, jumping up and down, boobs jiggling. She didn’t care that her sign sucked. And the drivers in the cars next to me were smiling and waving at her, and some of them were men, too. They weren’t giving her a cheap, ‘Hey there, little hottie!’ wave, they were giving her an appreciative, you-made-my-morning wave. They liked the cut of her jib. And so did I.
I need to be more like that woman. I’m 43 years old now, goddamn it, and my life is amazing. So why am I comparing myself to some styled professional in my head? Right now in my life, I keep ripping up the stupid sign and starting over. I keep saying: ‘This is all wrong. YOU are all wrong.’ I keep saying: ‘You messed up. You should be on your third novel by now. You’re running out of time.’ When did I fall into the habit of seeing myself in such a bleak light?
That woman on the curb probably looks great in her driver’s licence photo, because she isn’t afraid of falling short. No one can tell her what she can and can’t do, what she should and should not expect. I guarantee you, that woman doesn’t give a f**k about mid-century modern furniture or organic dairy farms in Wisconsin. Maybe her house needs to be vacuumed, and her hair colour needs a touch-up. So what? She doesn’t do yoga and she doesn’t consider that a personal failing of hers. She doesn’t ask herself whether or not she has it all. She has other stuff to do.
She looks in the mirror and sees a dishevelled fortysomething and she feels good. She is just a person in the world. She’s not indistinct, though. She knows that she’s someone with ideas, with spirit, with heart. She is someone who can make strangers smile and feel really good inside, for no reason at all.”
~ Heather Havrilesky, 43. An excerpt from article titled “Awaiting Renewal” in Aeon Magazine.
- I would encourage you to read the entire article @ Aeon Magazine.
- Image Source: Salon.com
- Heather Havrilesky is author of the memoir titled “Disaster Preparedness.”
Live & Learn 
Havrilesky has spent some time in my head – clearly. Wow.
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Yes, mine too. Great article. I tried to cut down the excerpt to just a few paragraphs and struggled. As I read the entire article, I find it dripping with authenticity.
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There is so much good stuff in her article. I found myself nodding in agreement with what she wrote. Why are we always so quick to judge others when what really counts lies beneath?
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Yes, I agree. I was nodding too…
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well chosen and thought provoking — let us clear away the superficial and find the person underneath–not the perfect persona but the real deal
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That’s it LouAnn
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Reblogged this on Wholeheartedness and commented:
Good catch, David… Thanks for sharing!
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Thanks Todd
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To be at such peace with oneself and not care about what others think of you is wonderful. Then without being aware of it, able to bring a smile to others is a wonderful gift to have.
BE ENCOURAGED! BE BLESSED!
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Yes, you don’t see it often Francine, but when you do, it is wonderful.
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Loved it – and amen to her!
MJ
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Me too…yes, amen.
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I loved the article and her enthusiasm. Here’s why we judge other people from what we see: it’s all we have. Other animals have other methods. So don’t be too hard on (y)ourselves.
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Yes Lynne. It is all we have…
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Wonderful article. I think a lot of us will see a portion of ourselves in it.
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Yes, I certainly found that to be the case Maralee
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Thank you David…and, yes, we should all celebrate ourselves exactly as we are and let our inner light shine. I see people like that every now and then and they DO stick in my memory and find a little place in my heart. It’s what we all need…the shining brightness of what is real and happy and honest.
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Yes Carol. Yes.
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I am the woman in the curb less the boobs.
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Not sure how to respond Perpetua! 🙂
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Just playing with the article 😆
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Good one.
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It is…
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Boy, I could relate to Heather…very inspiring…a great reminder to be who I am and to throw away all the blah, blah, blah that my ego blathers incessantly! 🙂
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We all can (related) Vicki…you aren’t the only one blathering and jabbering.
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Something to read every morning. Thanks for the inspiration.
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It is Susan, thank you.
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Hey pal, a little late to this party, but I LOVED this piece! This woman’s voice shines through so beautifully in her writing, which I admire immensely, and she makes a great point. I can see why you had such trouble finding an excerpt–this article was full of shining moments. The phrase that really hit me was “When did I fall into the habit of seeing myself in such a bleak light?” I often wonder why I can be so understanding and forgiving of the ones I love and at the same time am so damned hard on myself? WMS–this woman has clearly spent some time in my head. GREAT SHARE!
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Lori, I think she’s spent time in all of our heads. It is a great piece….
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I reached out and connected with her on Twitter. Always such a pleasure to make contact with a fellow writer…. Thx again for bringing her to our attention, David. 🙂
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You did that Lori. So cool! Good for you.
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Reminds me of something, “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken – Oscar Wilde.”
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Love the quote Sonia.
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Yes, she nails how critical we are of others b/c we are critical of ourselves. Poignant and powerful.
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She certainly does Carolann
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Loved this! Thanks for sharing it.
We can waste a tremendous amount of energy wishing to be (like) someone else. I take a jazz dance class with women 20 years younger and 50 pounds lighter and there are days I think….ugh. Then, this week, the woman behind me (about my age) came up to tell me how incredibly strong I am and the progress she has seen in my technique. What a gift!
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Great story Caitlin. Amazing how a few kind words at just the right time can boost our spirits.
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