Lightly Child, Lightly.

Posted on by Live & Learn
…Sit your old bones down, because I’ve got bad news: you probably look older than you think you do. Don’t shoot the messenger – blame science. A recent study published in the journal Psychology and Aging found that 59% of US adults aged 50 to 80 believe they look younger than other people their age. Women and people with higher incomes were slightly more likely to say they thought they looked fresher than their peers; and only 6% of adults in the bracket thought (or realised) they looked older than others their age. In short, most of us are delusional.
 
While the survey only included people over 50, I reckon they would have got the same results if they polled anyone over 30. Our brains have inbuilt denial mechanisms that stop us confronting our own mortality. Many people’s biological age tends to differ from their “subjective age” (or how old they feel). Mine certainly does: according to my passport I’m 40, but in my head I’m still a sprightly 29.
 
I’m not totally deranged. I regularly have moments where I am reminded of my passing years. Eating in a restaurant tends to be one of them. Have restaurants become louder recently? Or have I just got more intolerant of noise? Either way, I’m pretty sure I didn’t grumble about decibel levels in my 20s.
 
My skinny jeans (which you will have to pry off my geriatric-millennial pins before I wear barrel-leg trousers) are also a perennial reminder that I am tragically over the hill in the eyes of gen Z. Then, of course, there are the newfangled random aches and pains – and the fact that I can now get a three-day-long crick in the neck simply from turning my head too fast.
 
Aches, pains and fashion faux pas aside, however, nothing makes me feel older than other people my age. I’m not talking about people I see regularly – you don’t really notice how they’ve matured. I’m talking about having an acquaintance from school or university pop up on social media and realising, with horror, that the fresh-faced teenager you remember is now an ancient-looking adult. “Surely, I don’t look that old?” I mutter to myself on those occasions. “Surely the ravages of time haven’t been so cruel to me?” Then I study myself in the mirror and realise, oh dear, they have.
 
Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I’m not saying getting older – or looking older – is terrible. Far from it: ageing has many perks. I used to be terribly self-conscious and, in my 20s, I would rarely leave the house without makeup. Now, I no longer have any proverbial ducks to give, and run errands looking like a scarecrow. I wear makeup so rarely that, when I do, my dog becomes instantly alarmed because he knows something weird is up. It’s liberating to no longer care what people think…
 
Internalised ageism doesn’t just harm your wallet and confidence; it can hugely affect your health. Indeed, a study from 2002 found that people with more positive self-perceptions of ageing lived 7.5 years longer than others. Embrace your subjective age, in other words. There’s a lot of truth to the cliche that you’re only as old as you feel.
 
Arwa Mahdawi, from “Why you probably look much older than you think.”  (The Guardian, April 2, 2024)
 

Notes:

  1. Susan Photo of Wally and me. Didn’t fit at all with this passage except for my receding hairline, my gray hair, my  “paunch” covered by Wally’s private parts, my face wrinkles, the deep bags under my eyes, and the seat cushion that is doing its best to reduce chronic lower back pain (and other unmentionables).  Outside of all THAT, I feel less than half my age.
  2. Post Title & Inspiration: Aldous Huxley: “It’s dark because you are trying too hard. Lightly child, lightly. Learn to do everything lightly. Yes, feel lightly even though you’re feeling deeply. Just lightly let things happen and lightly cope with them.

61 thoughts on “Lightly Child, Lightly.”

  1. This is SO great, SO true, SO funny too.
    May I humbly add my experience of ageing? I’m considerably older than my husband. This fact alone makes me younger, just by looking at the two of us. Or does it? When the then neighbour of my then man-friend saw me the first time, me coming from a flight from Switzerland and 5+hrs in a bus & train, tiredly schlepping myself up the stairs to (future) HH’s rental flat, her kind comment was: Oh, you go to xxxx! So you must be the cradle snatcher. – To which I replied: Yes, and I love you too….
    I have much more to say to this wonderful post. But now I MUST correct a few serious Emails of HH and send them back to him. Because in my head I’m still the 40yr old cool cucumber who was a highly paid PA to International CEO’s and organiser of their life’s undertakings etc. I hope I’ll be allowed to be back for more. 🙂

      1. it was OK. We became very good friends immediately. She was a German battle ax with failed marriages in SA (twice) and many friendships of long durance. One had to know her! In WW2 she was a Hitler girl, knowing nothing of what she did and why…. placing bombs on ships underwater.

  2. It took me time to accept that I was getting old. But then, I loved the freedom that old age brought. I can’t believe I made nonsense things a necessity. When I was young, I used to take care of myself physically, but now I try to nourish myself more spiritually. And yes, no matter what my real age is, I don’t want to lose the magic of the age I feel.

    Thank you dear David, Wally is so lovely, Love and Hugs, nia

    1. Beautiful comment Nia. Esp loved “When I was young, I used to take care of myself physically, but now I try to nourish myself more spiritually. And yes, no matter what my real age is, I don’t want to lose the magic of the age I feel.” Powerful and soothing. Thank you for sharing. Dave

  3. First of all, you and Wally look great so no worries on our end, but it’s really the perceptions of ourselves, which is the point of the whole article when I look back at any picture at any stage anything from 20 to where I am now I always think oh my gosh why did I worry about that? I looked great. It’s all relative and it’s all about how we see ourselves- great post

  4. Well, I think so too and cultivate my looks. I kind of know that’s an illusion but an illusion I hold on to. I could say, I am not afraid of age. Age came to me without really noticing and I hold on to the feeling of being young. That’s the positive site of repression which Freud didn’t see 😉
    Thanks for this interesting post; keep young.
    Klausbernd
    The Fab Four of Cley
    🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

    1. Love this Klaus: “I kind of know that’s an illusion but an illusion I hold on to.” I so relate. And I’m trying to “keep young” but it feels like a Sisyphian battle!

  5. (Pardon my language in advance…)

    “Oh screw it Dave! You look good! (Wally looks particularly good :-)”

    BTW, that yellow band on your Apple Watch makes you look 20 years younger!

    PS: I can absolutely relate! 🙂 🙂

    Have a great one! –Paul

    1. LAUGHING. What amazing powers of observation you have Paul. I wear these bright colors to both feel younger (and not an old codger and make others believe I’m younger as I limp along!) Have a great day!

      1. PPS: we’re getting slammed with another late snowstorm. Zero snow on the ground yesterday. Now everything is covered with 4 inches of heavy wet white stuff! Perfect snowball snow! Wally would love it!

        Snow totals projected up to 9 inches, but they always over shoot, so I will guess six.

        The great white north continues to contribute to your water table! Storm is supposed to continue through 6 AM tomorrow.

        I will send you a water bill! 😁

  6. “The end of our life is as unstoppable as its beginning. We can’t stop the first and last breaths we take…… any more than we can stop the wind” – Fredrick Backman The Winners

    Instead of thinking about all the things we no longer want to do or can do, let us think about the miracle of what our bodies remember to do each day. Think about how much more you accomplish by 7:00 am than 90% of your peers. I know all too well that we are our own worst critics, but in the adorable picture above, all I see is (OMG Can Wally be any cuter?) and an almost…..maybe….could it be…. smile? Whatever age you feel like…. throw that smile on and I can guarantee you’ll feel like a kid again.

    1. Quoting Fredrik Backman, my Man responsible for “A Man Called Ove.” Genius. The smile that you see behind our Great Wall, was induced by the Photographer. Want to be clear it is not a normal/natural event…..Thanks Cara.

  7. This article really does hit home, doesn’t it? I think the harder we try to fight it, the more we look it. Might as well let time do its thing while we do ours and enjoy it!

          1. 🙂
            Is it really all that dark? I think not as we are all so very bright and colourful! (Even you with that bright yellow band to break up the black!)

          5. This is so true. My stupid injury to my leg has stopped me from doing my miles of walking that I was doing dayly and it’s frustrating as hell. Hopefully the chiro will set me to rights!

          6. I have faith that you will be just fine Dale! I will continue to keep you in my prayers! Don’t rush it and let the amazing human body work its magic!

            By “Chiro” I assume you mean chiropractor (?). You left me a great opening here because my mom (wonderful lady!) was doctor of chiropractic. She was a bit of a trailblazer as she received her degree in 1948. She practiced for about five years, then gave it up in 1953 when she got married and had three boys (the three demons!) I am the proud owner of her diploma. She was an angel, and will always be one of my heroes.

          7. Thanks. I’m sure I will. It’s just hard to be sidelined! I hate being restricted 😉
            And yes, chiropractor. My brother-in-law suggested I try him out as I felt the physiotherapist I was seeing wasn’t doing me much good.

          12. Trust me… In the middle of the night… When I’m sleeping… My body is beating me from head to toe with a baseball bat… Telling me to get some exercise! 🙂 I’m grateful I don’t have a weight problem, but exercise of some sort is very high on my priority list. Otherwise, I’m going to start feeling a mysterious sledgehammer in the middle of the night lol 🙂

            Have a lovely week Dale. I really enjoy “chatting” with you!

          13. That’s not very nice of your body! You don’t have to do much; just get that heart a-pumping a little and, as we get older, stretching is of utmost importance (she, who has not been walking the talk lately).

            As for you, Paul. It is lovely!

          15. Hahaha!

            Uh huh. A big ‘un, at that. Changing decades, to boot. I wish I had been smarter and buggered off like my “twin” is doing. She says it’s not too late to join her for a 4-day getaway to Cuba (like most Quebecers). I am not a fan but I mighta made an exception!

          16. That makes me roughly one year and 10 months older than you are Dale… Despite the fact that we graduated high school only one year apart.

            This decade has been very kind to me thus far… Fingers crossed that continues as I have a few things on my bucket list that I still hope to complete!

            I suspect Cuba would make a fascinating vacation, but given the current dangers that currently exist across the globe (very sad), I have very little interest in traveling beyond Canada and the USA.

          17. 😀 So, you are DKs age, give or take. We only have five years of high school here in Quebec so that’s why I graduated in ’81.

            Glad to hear that this decade has been good to you!

            Cuba, for me, is nothing to get excited about.
            Yes, it has gorgeous beaches but it’s full of Quebec tourists (blech) and the food sucks in the hotels – even the supposed 4+ stars.
            Nope… I would choose other places in the Caribbean, or better yet, Italy, here I come!

  8. Aw, lovely photo🤗! (Although Mr. Wally looks like he’s saying, “OMG, Dad, really? Using me as a doggie shield??”😂) Son and I are still recognized instantly — to especially my amazement, as is his 50-something younger sister who looks like she just came back from Happy Wheels Skating (except that her bangs are not 8 hair-sprayed inches tall, now). That helps take the sting out of all the noises we make when sitting down and/or getting up!

  10. There’s a lot of truth to the text. But this doesn’t apply to this lovely photo of movie star standard, both Wally and Daddy, missing both of your highest perch, Queen Mommy.

  11. Haha… I thought I was the only one who covers her face for a selfie with a cat or baby’s face. With my artic coloured hair since 18, I’m in ancient. The motto in growing “mature” is Self-Care.

  12. i like the new wider legged jeans (i was so tired of the skinny jeans!). i used to love stiletto heels, but now i’m a fan of the chunky heels. and i love my natural silver hair. so maybe i’m embracing the fact that i’m old??

    lovely photo! (note to self: get a cute dog– takes years off your face!) 🙂

  14. I know to my bones that the second part of life is about exploring the INside, just when you’ve mastered the outside bit. That includes the expectations of this horrid image based culture we live in. To continue focusing on our youthful appearance past 50, we are rowing heavily against the current. We don’t have to look like sacks of shit, if we practice gratitude and self love, it will spill out to others, and people catch that vibe. Not the angst of an aspiring teenager, fast forwarded 30 plus years! It’s not reasonable. Just because we live in a youth-based culture in an infantile country doesn’t mean it’s at all heathy. To continue comparing ourselves to others our age puts us back in high school, when the ego is peaking. Why not instead relax into self love, into self nurturing, including eating right and taking care of ourselves? It’s never too late to learn! And we’ll be a LOT more fun to hang around with! 💞

  15. Oh, that Wally he doesn’t look a day older than “One year old”…he is ageless 🙂

  16. Assume that is your upstairs office, love the pillow & by chance is the tree out that window the big, mighty tree across the road that you’ve share about in the past? If so I remember the quaint home and the fabulous tree.

  17. It’s so wonderful to see your face after following you for so many years! It’s also validating to read these words as I go through similar phases in my life.

  18. Ahhhh, the aging process. I, too, was thinking I looked pretty good ‘for my age’ until I started doing all those damn Zoom calls. Now I have my plastic surgeon brother on speedy dial, constantly querying him as to how I can lift this, smooth that, help my exterior match my interior if you will. Alas and alack, he usually tells me that while I can make temporary tweaks, time is marching on and I should just thank heavens for my health. Honestly, I tend to agree. You’re only as old as you feel, and if you still have the strength to hoist an adorable love bug like Wally into the air, you are in the money, my friend….😉

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