Walking. In the Fog of War.

Posted on by Live & Learn

6 a.m. And I’m off. It’s now 1,313 consecutive (almost) days on this daybreak walk at Cove Island Park. Like in a Row.

It’s been a while. Self: A while for what you might ask? 

I’m losing steam. Excelling at Lethargy. Or Lori’s big 6 letter word: Torpor.

Blogging is now less than an intermittent hobby.  

And — I’ve started what, 4, or is it 5 new books? And set them all aside. Can’t seem to engage, can’t seem to get a footing — I put them all down. And even more confounding, I could care less.

I shift to Audible, and I find myself 35 minutes in, with no recollection of anything I’ve just listened to. 

Sawsan throws a jab in a text message, it lands, I don’t even feel it, but it’s good to let her feel like she’s won one — I get lost in her science of poetry and tattoos. It’s like I’m swimming in a fully body Novocain bath.

Early this week, Susan announced that she had two big goals for 2024. She stared at me, expecting a response on my New Year’s Resolutions, and my response? Silence. I got nothing.

I look up at Wally sleeping next to me on couch. I snap the shot, the one above. Peaceful little guy seems to have it figured out while I’m wallowing (wallying?) around.

Jorie Graham: “It’s all one fabric unraveling. Is the crisis primarily spiritual, ethical, political? It’s hard to feel where one piece ends and the other starts — cancer scans, satellite images of the heating earth, the warming oceans, national maps of mass (and police) shootings, global maps of refugees, heart-stopping charts of poverty, income inequality, homelessness, incarceration.” 

And this was Graham back in May.  Add the Ukraine war, Hamas, Israeli hostages, Palestinian children, and a stack of other calamities, it’s no wonder I’m lost at sea, or with vertigo, or can’t get footing, I can’t even settle on an analogy, the body (and mind) is just bloody adrift in Carl von Clausewitz’s The Fog of War.

The only area of focus seems to be infinite scrolling on the internet.  Top Chef on Netflix chirps in the background. Wally is snoring.

Alexander Pope: “The spider’s touch, how exquisitely fine! Feels at each thread, and lives along the line.”

Feeling each thread. Living along the line. Yep, that’s about right.

How about a home made banana split with chocolate ice cream, banana, chocolate sauce, topped with Whipped Cream and chopped almonds?

I work myself off the couch, careful not to disturb Wally.

I find my spirits lift as I chop the banana. Ice Cream makes everything better.

So much better.

Notes: DK Photos from this morning’s beautiful sunrise here and here and here. Yes, three separate photo posts, so much beauty to share.

87 thoughts on “Walking. In the Fog of War.”

  1. Thank you for the laugh, DK.
    Would you believe it if I told you that I’ve been feeling the same way for months?
    It feels good to know that I’m not alone.
    I need to come back for this.

          5. For the first time, actually. This is your first win.
            And I learned something new.

          9. I was just trying to contribute to “the tone of the overall post”…

            Did I mention there is a ton of new interest in the potential medical benefits of psychedelic drugs? (Trying to balance the scale here… there certainly are bright spots… Like banana splits! I’m totally on board with comfort foods!)

  2. 1. When did I jab you?
    2. I never let me win.
    3. Banana split sounds great now.
    4. I expect to be compensated if I’m featured going forward. I need a side hustle.

          8. Absolutely not!
            50/50
            If I’m getting featured, it’s me doing the work. You’re just throwing a name out there.
            A name with influence!
            Laughing….

  3. I need to be compensated too if you’re featuring my personal declaration in which, let’s be honest, you found humorous.

  4. Well, comfort food is what it is. We all know this. And what a precious picture of little man! So cute. I do not think at all that you are alone, David. The world is changing, and fast. It’s all most of us can do to keep up. We do not watch tv, nor news (Chris does check into Apple news on his phone, but not much gets him riled in the 5 minutes he’s scrolling through it). This fact keeps us saner than most. And we live remotely, so don’t have to engage anymore than we want to with the ‘mess out there.’ We do ‘pray’ for those less fortunate, and ‘pray’ for the fall of systems that can only fathom wars and violence. We are entering the Age of Aquarius for real, come the end of 2024. Last time the planets were so aligned, the peasants stormed the Bastille and overthrew the French monarchy. Keep the faith.

    People are trippin’ for sure. Please don’t feel alone, you are Not. But do know this energy acceleration will only continue through 2026. Buckle your seat belt, and try and find a calm place inside yourself. Comfortably numb is one way to get through, but I have more faith in you than that. Sending buckets of love your way. 🌈☮️♥️

    1. Thank you Bela. I’m with you on the News. What a Dark Black Box the TV can be on news channels. I hope you are right on 2026. And it feels a very long ways away.

      1. Well, it’s not just me. It’s many who are following the lines of the stars and planets. Take comfort in this. And btw, how fast did 2023 go?!?!? How on earth is it soon 2024? xo

  5. I dare to see that I think we are all struggling to find our balance these days, these are challenging times, with so much teetering right on the edge. you’ll find your wave again with time, and just float in the meantime. float in your banana split boat for now and go from there

    1. LOVE THIS: you’ll find your wave again with time, and just float in the meantime. float in your banana split boat for now and go from there

      THANKS Beth.

  7. It certainly doesn’t help that we are currently living through the shortest days of the year, and winter is pounding at the door. (Winter storm warning here in Vermont… 1/2 inch of rain followed by 5 to 11 inches of wet/heavy snow.)

    On the bright side, the days will start getting longer in 13 days!!

  8. Just awoke from my stupor in time to thank you for the hat tip for torpor, pal. You are most definitely not alone…I, too, have several books going, together with two or three online seminars that promise a way out of this mental morass. This stuff ain’t for sissies…just saying. Keep scooping that ice cream, poking Sawsan, and cuddling Wally and hopefully we will all muddle through…. 💪💕

  9. We are above the animals (if lower than the angels), so we are aware of and vulnerable to much more in this world than are they. (I was going to say more, but your last paragraph had me heading toward the frozen yogurt and equal parts chocolate sauce and maple syrup. I forgot the banana! 😉)

  10. David, there is an odd sense of comfort in your honesty and the banter that proceeds. I know a feeling of numbness. I remember the passion I’ve always had for important issues around justice and peace. It is hard to stir at the moment. I feel this lethargy most of my writing. It is so hard to focus and I miss it.
    Several decades ago Ram Dass introduced me to the phrase –Be Here Now. With that in mind, I’m grateful not to be alone! Here’s to snow and banana boats (capped off with hot fudge)

  11. The book pile gets bigger on my kitchen table and net to my chair in the front room. I’ve let several magazine subscriptions run out because I wasn’t reading the magazines as they showed up. You got it right about all of the world’s distractions!

  13. Laughter and connection is the best medicine …there’s a lot to disturb us these days, and it’s natural to find comfort elsewhere. On the other hand, we can learn a lot from Wally – take time out to nap. – wait for someone else to give us treats – hang out with the best peeps in the world – not going on the internet – looking forward to new smells every day – appreciating just being here.

  14. Resolutions are wishes unless you make them goals a commit to them. You know that Mr. K exec!!!!!!!!!!! We’re all tired it the end of the year, look around the world, 2024, who can complete much right now. Two months ago I pushed all my appts to next years, well. my health blew that. Glad to be home seeing Wally and aggravating you!

  15. I read this two days ago, and it’s still staying with me. Your honesty, and the banter that follows help create a sense of community during this odd time. I, too, am struggling. My focus has always been on peace and justice. But at the moment it is lacking in passion or maybe just overwhelmed. My writing is sorely lacking in focus as if I’m almost nervous about sharing what is deep inside. Thank you for sharing this, as always. Seeking creative ways to move forward, which has something to do with bananas, ice cream, and for me, hot fudge. 🙂

      1. Now he shows up properly… It must take a while for wordPress/Jetpack to update things. My avatar update was simply my same teddy bear, but laying flat on his back… Exhausted from trying to cope with this crazy world! 🙂

Leave a Reply