Sunday Morning. Yehi or!

No, it’s not my morning walk @ Daybreak @ Cove Island Park. Not yet 831 consecutive days, like in a row. It’s too damn early for that. 3 hours and 12 minutes before sunrise, to be precise. And here we are. As Ocean Vuong states in On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous: “Let me begin again.”

I thought about that for a moment. “Let me begin again?” or, “Here we go again?”

2:36 a.m. I snatch the iPhone and check Sleep data: 5 consecutive days < 4 hours sleep. I check the Dark Sky app: Clear skies.

Sully pauses his snoring to open an eyelid. His big brown eye looking through me: What is wrong with you Man? He turns his head, and falls back asleep.

I slip out of bed, head downstairs, my bare feet pattering on the hard wood floors, careful not to trip over myself in the darkness. I step outside, scanning the skies. There you are. Waiting for me.

It’s quiet. No Metro-North train whistles in the distance, the last train passing an hour ago. No dogs barking. No critters scurrying in the shrubs. Just me, and the cool grass under my toes, and my mind whirring.

Has to be some reason you can’t sleep DK. Moon’s gravitational pulls on the tides, and on you? Despite the viciousness of your lactose intolerance, for lunch, the Vanilla Häagen-Dazs with chopped almonds, slathered with Stonewall Kitchen’s Raspberry Syrup? And again, knowing that the act is insanity, before bed, another heaping ramekin chaser, and yes, with chopped nuts and the Stonewall Kitchen Devil juice. Or, could it be the Cruller? Excuse me? Ok, the Cruller’s (plural) from Stop & Shop, three glazed miracle buns, two at lunch and another before bedtime, as a side accoutrement with the Häagen-Dazs. Oh, oh! that feeling…with each injection of sugar, the coating of the tongue, the teeth, the mouth, my lips. Yes, DK, yes, that feels right. You so needed that. That feels so much better.

Until it doesn’t. Until the next Fix.

I snap a few shots of the moon. 61° F, a whiff of autumn in the air, which feels way too soon for that.

I get back into bed, and turn to Selma Blair‘s memoir Mean Baby: A Memoir of Growing Up.

“Yehi or!” I’d yell at the top of my lungs, quoting from the first lines of Genesis, the Hebrew words for “Let there be light!” “Blair!” she would croak, rubbing her eyes. “Why do you do this?” Next I made my way around the room, throwing open the door, turning on the television atop Mom’s childhood maple dresser, her mother’s before her, and flicking on the lights. I needed life, immediately. I needed every bit of everything, every bit of help, anything I could reach in order to cheerlead myself into embracing my day. Even then, I did this.

Sully continues to snore as I lip sync Yehi or!, two hours now from sunrise.

I too need life, immediately.

Like right now.


DK Photo: Waning Gibbous Moon (95%). 2:57 a.m. 62° F. Darien, CT. “Go slowly, my lovely moon, go slowly.” — Khaled Hosseini (The Kite Runner)

Comments

  1. Ahhh pal, you know that any post that begins with a gorgeous cameo of La Luna ‘has me at hello.’ I am sorry you continue to battle the insomnia demon (though Lord knows the rest of us enjoy some amazing images and musings as a result) and DK, this love affair you got goin’ on with sugar….😳 I’m thinking an intervention may be in order. 😉

    Heard an interview with Selma the other day…interesting woman, very thoughtful. I haven’t read the book, but after hearing her speak about the genesis of the title and the effects thereof, I added it to my queue. Link to the interview follows if you’re interested. Hope you’re able to grab a nap today.😉

    https://the1a.org/segments/selma-blair-on-overcoming-lifes-darkest-moments/

    Liked by 1 person

    • Laughing. Intervention or solitary confinement. One or the other. As to Selma, I’m a 1/3 in, lady has talent and can Write. Thanks for the link, I’m off to check it out. And then NAP-TIME. Have a great day….

      Liked by 1 person

  2. ‘the ramekin chaser!” – wow. yes, sometimes we have to throw ourselves into a day and others we just glide right into. sounds like yours was a bit of a bumpy ride atop sugar mountain –

    Liked by 1 person

  3. The moon laughs at your insomnia, and some of us just empathize. But were it not for the stubborn refusal of sleep, we wouldn’t catch the moon or consider panorama that morning provides…

    Liked by 1 person

  4. You need to come to work with me for a few days. Just be there, and listen. I’ll say he’s shadowing. You’ll quit sugar in a week. I promise you.

    Now on the other hand, I’d like to shadow a day in your life. I’m not worried about your “lack” of sleep. I just think you’re made this way. You don’t need that many hours. I’m just judging by your productivity and focus.
    You’re a step higher than sharp. You’re a high-fine grade wetstone. You use your time effectively. Where is the problem exactly?

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Isn’t it all part of the unraveling and weaving back together? …. and the moon is laughing.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Photographers do crazy things. Like getting up in the middle of the night to take a picture of the moon! But maybe you did it just because it feels so good to crawl back into bed for an hour or so.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
    Can’t sleep? Name of your blog … hmmm!! Awesome pic!!

    Like

  8. “Why I Wake Early”

    Hello, sun in my face.
    Hello, you who made the morning
    and spread it over the fields
    and into the faces of the tulips
    and the nodding morning glories,
    and into the windows of, even, the
    miserable and the crotchety –
    best preacher that ever was,
    dear star, that just happens
    to be where you are in the universe
    to keep us from ever-darkness,
    to ease us with warm touching,
    to hold us in the great hands of light –
    good morning, good morning, good morning.

    Watch, now, how I start the day
    in happiness, in kindness.”

    ― Mary Oliver

    Liked by 1 person

  9. That bit about the sugar felt like I was reading a drug addict’s memoir 😂 I can relate though!
    Really love the re-framing of “Here we go again” to “Let me begin again” ✨

    Like

  10. I think we may over-sugar because we’re tired; we’re tired because we don’t always get the 4 uninterrupted hours of REM sleep; we don’t get the needed length of deep sleep because a) naps and b) sugar. We’re miraculously human, but we only have a human organism for now! Skip the nap, have sugar earlier, go to bed, set your alarm for “This is Nuts Thirty” and see if that helps. (There should be enough life-right-now regardless!)

    Liked by 3 people

  11. I’m hoping yesterday was your cheat day… 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I was up at stupid o’clock, too… And am lucky if I get 5-6 hours sleep on the regular.
    As for the reason you cannot sleep… I won’t say it might have anything to do with the quantity of sugar you eat. I won’t say it.
    All’s I know is, yes, I am a woman who likes to believe menopause is over but fears there are still repercussions… I have noticed lately that within on hour of eating sugar – I get hot flashes. I ain’t pleased. Not enough to not treat myself occasionally, as my backside likes to show but have had to reduce coz seriously? Not fun.
    Under the Mask has said it. That is exactly what you should do 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  13. If you slept each night or stopped sugar who would you be? Or what would you write about? Ha 🧐

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Scary reading. If it’s any help; I am not into sugary stuff at night but don’t get my required hours either. Sometimes I get up and read, or I mull over the worries of others (seldom my own though), but I *never* get dressed and go for a walk!

    Liked by 1 person

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