It’s one of those moments in life when you remember exactly where you were, what you were doing, and how you felt.
In the old pre-smartphone days, it was the 3 am phone call, with the ring shattering the silence. You fumble in darkness trying to find the handset praying…please, please, please, let it be a wrong number, and not something worse.
Today, it’s all about texting. And it was a text.
Yesterday morning. 11:00 a.m. Nashville, TN. The first day of a 4-day conference in a large ballroom at the J.W. Marriott. The lights in the room were dimmed, the spots beamed down on the speaker on stage.
My iPhone screen lights up, flashing an iMessage notification.
“Please call me. Now. Important.”
“It’s my Dad.” Susan’s Dad.
After 35 years of marriage, you know. And it’s not good.
- He was 86 years old.
- He was adopted, having never met his natural Mother and Father. And recently, through a DNA/family tree service, learned that he had a Sister who lived in the ‘neighborhood.’ After 80+ years of no siblings, you have a Sister!
- He was a member of Tom Brokaw’s The Greatest Generation.
- Married to his wife Clareen for 61 years.
- He served in Military, not once, but twice.
- Active (highly) in giving and fundraising for Shriners Hospital for Children.
- Loving Father to 2 Sons and 2 Daughters.
- He learned to play the piano without lessons.
- At a moment’s notice, he could stand in front of room of hundreds and draw up an inspirational quote or passage or story, and light a room up.
- He could walk into a restaurant, a stadium, an airport, anywhere…and he would run into someone he knew, or knew him. And he would rarely forget a name.
Family. Country. God. Character. Decency.
I leave the event early. I’m 40,000 feet up, heading home.
And I edit, re-write, edit, re-write, trash, re-write this post over and over and over, and finally give up.
I reflect on a passage from a Sarah’s McColl’s “Joy Enough: A Memoir” where she keeps snapping pictures and failing repeatedly to capture the beauty of the early evening light…”as if the attempt to reduce splendor to a single frame was to misinterpret its inherent scale.”
It’s impossible for me to describe the enormity of his Light, and do it any justice.
He has passed…
But his Light will live on.
RIP Tom.
Live & Learn 
Awww, pal, I am so very sorry. He was obviously a very special man. Holding you and your family close to my heart.
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He was. Thank you Lori.
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i love the trying in vain to capture the moment of light, this is the perfect way to try describe trying to capture a life – beautiful tribute to a man who sounds as though he carried the light within him wherever he went. I’m sorry for you and your family’s loss, and happy that you shared his light with all of you.
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Thank you Beth.
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… and may his memory be eternal. Virtual hugs to your family.
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Thank you Ray.
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Dave, this is such a beautiful post- a great man
Indeed!!
One always knows that phone might come- we are never ready….xoxo
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Thank you Jan. We aren’t. Ever ready.
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Ohhh, DK, I’m so very sorry. He was one of the true Lights, it sounds like, and your post did do him justice. How wonderful to have had him in your lives all these years. My condolences to you and your family. 🌹
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Thank you Roseanne.
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I know exactly what you mean in trying to capture a person’s light – especially one whose light shone so brightly.
They are always too young when they leave us. I send you and your family my deepest condolences.
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Thank you Dale. Impossible to capture.
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I got to know him, although we never met, from knowing his son. His son is a chip off the old block, and a great guy like his Dad. That’s your tribute to him, Dave. Sorry for your and your family’s loss.
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Thank you Steve.
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The greatest legacy. To be beloved my many. To have led a good life. Peace be with you.
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So true. Thank you Beth
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At times like these words are not enough. May peace wrap her arms around you.
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Lee, I agree. Thank you.
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I’m sorry for your loss, David. Thank you for sharing this post. A wonderful tribute to your father-in-law. My family’s prayers today are for you and Susan.
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Steve, thank you.
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Beautifully captured. I’m sorry for your loss, but happy that you had him in your life.
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Karen. Thank you. Yes. I was one of the many lucky ones.
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So sorry for your loss.
Holding you all tight in our hearts!
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Thank you Sawsan
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When I just happened on this post I instantly knew that it was something special – so many comments, a great photo —- and then the devastating news about your father-in-law‘s death. Apart from this most beautiful description of him, it‘s also a sure sign of your relationship to his daughter; you are all so close, you see them shining in their true light. What a life, what a wonderful person, what a great family.
I love how Lee wrote: May peace wrap her arms around you. In French it‘s female too; la paix, in German it‘s male: der Frieden. I love that Lee chose the female ‚embracing‘….
I‘m crying for the pain this great man causes your family but I couldn‘t think of a warmer and more soulful testimonial. I‘m sending you and yours a big bunch of hugs, thoughts and a prayer to get through the next steps. May Tom rest in peace.
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Thank you Kiki. Love: May peace wrap her arms around you.
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“after the news of the dead, whether or not we knew them we are saying thank you” ~W.S. Merwin
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Merwin! Excellent. Thank you for sharing.
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I’m extremely sorry for your loss, David. To be blessed with having spent time with him must have been a very precious gift indeed. Sending love and light to you and your family. Cher xo
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Hi Cher. I was. Thank you.
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💗
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Hi Dave. I’m so sorry. Condolences to you and your family. May we always remember the the Greatest Generation.
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Hi Peggy. Thank you.
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Clearly, his memory is a blessing. No “may be” about it. Love in action for his entire life!
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Yes. It is Linnea. Thank you.
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My thoughts are with you and the family.
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Thank you Melinda.
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Very sad day for your family, DK, and I’m sure you will miss Tom’s presence for years to come. My heartfelt condolences.
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Yes. Agree. Thank you Anneli.
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I have taken to having both my mobile and cordless home phone next to me at night because that call may come at any time about my dad
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I get it Joanne. I do.
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“…as if the attempt to reduce splendor to a single frame was to misinterpret its inherent scale.” Yes. I’m so sorry, David. Thank you for this beautiful post that will touch all of our hearts. Much love to you and your family.
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Hi Carol. Thank you.
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I remember you sharing back in August about the family event when Tom meet his sister for the first time: https://davidkanigan.com/2018/08/11/running-in-michigan-in-retrospective/#comments so touching…
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Amazing, your memory, Christie. Thank you.
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I started scrolling, the top of the scroll a photo began revealing a man who I had an instant smile for…a man who I’d like to have a conversation with…his honor, care and integrity shines through the photo…then I started reading after smiling at the photo /// Susan, Dave, Rachael and Eric Your Loss is Tremendous, his legacy of influence through Love, Light, Kindness, Strength, Service, has impacted many and his Light lives in each of you who love him…sending prayers and sincere condolences…Kindly, Christie
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Thank you
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Aw, I’m sorry. I hope Henry Van Dyke’s “Gone From My Sight” helps, though nothing helps until well after the fact. Again, my heartfelt condolences.
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Awww thanks Carol.
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My sincere condolences David. What a kind tribute. Had to be great being in the family of a great man. I lost my Pop at 86 too. That’s a good run at life. Blessings to you, your wife and family. Doug
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Doug, thank you. Appreciate your kindness very. Much.
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What an amazing man — it sounds like he lived two or three lives in one. Sorry for your family’s loss. Take care. Julian
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He did. Thank you Julian.
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A beautiful reflection of a special father, friend and man. Love to Susan, you and family. 🙏🏻
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Thank you Karen.
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A touching tribute to a man who touched so many…my love to Susan, you and your family. May his memory remain a blessing forever..❤️
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Thank you Mimi.
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So sorry to read this. My husband’s parents died decades before he and I met, so I so wish I could have known them. He sounds like a lovely man. Sorry you have lost him now and wishing you both the best.
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Thank you Caitlin.
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I’m sorry for your family’s loss. He sounds wonderful. I’m reading David Brooks The Road to Character and thinking about that generation and what they had that we don’t. Brooks speculates that it was the desire and motivation to resist the temptation for self importance and self promotion. That and a willingness to acknowledge personal weakness and to strive to be useful decent human beings. I think he is on to something. Looking forward to digging deeper into it with him. Blessings to Tom on his journey.
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Thank you Ilona. I too loved David Brooks’ book. If you haven’t read his latest essay, it’s worth a read. Here’s the link.
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Thank you David! I’ll check it out.
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I’m late reponding to the news about Susan’s Dad…just read. His lovely face and deep look gave me the feeling that this might be about a family member passing. Death is so drastic–even though I know that the spirit lives on, I miss those I love deeply. What a lovely life Tom lived–he really rose to the challenge life offerred him! The more love there, it seems the deeper the grief. Conversely, when love wasn’t expressed to the mourner’s satisfaction, another depth of grief arises. Tom certainly loved and showed it! Thank you for sharing him with us (twice).
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Yes. So agree Valerie. Thank you.
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So sorry to read this. My sincere condolences to all, specially Susan. Wow, an impressive gentleman.
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He was. Thank you.
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My apologies for these late condolences to you and your family, Dave. Thinking of your wife Susan and you and all your extended family in this sorrowful time … Keith
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Keith, thank you.
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Sorry for your loss, Susan and David. The older we get, the more we watch those we love disappearing from our lives. And it occurs to some of us just how fleeting life really is. Here. Then gone. It really is mind blowing. Take good care of one another. 💕
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Yes. Exactly. Thank you Bela.
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I am so sorry to hear this. He sounds like a fine man, much like my dear old dad. May he rest in peace.
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He was. Thank you Darlene.
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Sounds like an incredible human. How fortunate you got to know him. My condolences to you and your family.
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He was. Thank you Bremda.
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