Truth…

Posted on by Live & Learn

Let’s talk for a minute about the etiquette of gifting books. The etiquette is that you probably shouldn’t do it. First of all, there is a 99% chance that you’re going to gift a book that someone won’t like. You’re gifting it because you like it, but you don’t know what the other person likes, so it will probably sit on a shelf somewhere. Second of all, it’s like gifting someone a vacuum cleaner. Great, but now I have to spend ten hours cleaning the house.

— Jared Dillian, from “Nobody Reads” in “We’re Going to Get Those Bastards” (May 16, 2025) (via The Layman’s Blog)

86 thoughts on “Truth…”

  1. Unless you have spoken about said book you want to gift, don’t! I have a number of books sitting on my shelf that I would never have picked up to read. Will I ever read them? Chances are slim…

  2. I cannot stop laughing at this. So spot on. I need to rethink my book gifting policy.

  5. He speaks like a man.
    He’s wrong. We don’t gift a book we like. We should be gifting a book they like, or they hinted they want it.
    And no gift card!

    1. Well… I never like it when I “ruffle your feathers” Sawsan! Because I think you’re pretty awesome.
      Don’t like gift cards? No worries. I’m fine with that.

      But please… Don’t imply that “all men are alike”. We are not. (And you know this!)
      Blessings – Paul

      1. PS: I must admit that I did not like this particular man from the moment I saw his photo. I instinctively think “inferiority complex” when I see a large number of tattoos and a ring on his thumb.
        (Of course I suppose I should not judge unless I meet him in person.) 😉

        2. “… a large ring on his thumb.” laughing. now i’m thinking of the Pope and The Godfather. tempted to google if either had thumb rings. i just love people’s minds, including my own– and where my own thoughts go when looking at the photo: i think he looks like he’s asking, “have you had a chance to put fresh towels in the bathroom yet, Luv?” 🙂

      3. I’m 100% with you on this, Paul. I’ve quite a few books I keep because I love(d) the giver, but I wouldn’t have bought them. Others I passed on or brought them to charity shops (where I also used to buy dozens of their stock). Gift card? YES please. Already the thought of having a voucher for ‘anything’ from a bookshop gives me pleasure.

          1. exactly. I have a book of one of my sisters who usually never makes presents for me. But she went to the trouble (dozens of years ago) to go to a book signing of one of my then favourite writers to get me a signed copy of his book, because she knew of my appreciation of that writer. I haven’t re-read said book but it will have a place of honour in my bookshelves because of her thoughts…. and I have a very heavy, leather bound bible my father picked out of a trash container, when he worked for a book-binder (we assumed that the ‘donator’ brought the heavy tome to have it ‘renovated’ and backed out at the cost)… and many more. Every book tells a story and then another one!

      2. I can respect not liking gift cards. They certainly lack a “personal touch”. The receiver of the gift card can easily feel like the “giver” did not put much effort into choosing the gift.

        At a minimum, I would want to slide a gift card inside a box of chocolates, or a bouquet of flowers. 😉

        Have a great night, everyone!

        2. wow, you now just overdid it slightly, cher Paul! – but you’re right, i just offered a very lovely little cloth-bound note book (handbag sized) to a friend whose mum died with a small card slipped in the front saying something along: … to keep your thoughts and love for when you need to look them up….
          she absolutely loved it – that’s also sort of a gift card – and we are strictly and only speaking of gift cards for BOOKS here. Otherweise NO gift cards. OR only with chocolate (dark one for me pls) 🙂

          3. Ok, gift cards for books I’m ok with. There was a time I could not afford all the books I wanted. Luckily, I lived across the street from the public library.
            Otherwise, no gift cards. Thank you Kiki.

  6. Also, the books I don’t like are not going to waste. I’m using the paper to light charcoal for grilling.
    And meat tastes better.

  8. Agreed! In his hospitalizations from defying gravity, everyone brought husband books, All of them came home with him. They sat on shelves for years and years.. I finally donated them!

  9. i’ve only ever given books as a gift when requested to do so. but, i like getting books– even if it’s a book i wouldn’t consider getting for myself. idk, might be a hidden treasure in there. you just gotta look. you gotta. 🙂

    2. This is a bit off topic but I loved your name, I mean the symbol. If I were using my real name, this “R” would be really cool. Thank you, Love, nia

  10. I’m a notorious book gift because I love books and many people that I know and love love books. But as your post points out, they may not always love the same books I love. I’ve learned to say here is a book. I enjoyed that I think you might as well, but if not, feel free to pass it on to someone that you think you might enjoy it or donate it to a free little library or your local library. That way they’re off the hook.

  11. I’m late to this party (as I am often) but I fully, fully agree with Paul le lizard….. I shuddered seeing that photo, and I shuddered more looking at his website. I mean, who would want advice of such a ‘versatile’ person with ‘works’ with those titles and more…..
    But he is right and wrong on this statement too. I just wondered why you’d have picked HIM to do a post on. It’s quite a far shot from your usual thoughtful, intellectual fare. Well ok, it has the word book in it, that helps, but it stops right there.
    Any thoughts on this?

      1. Of course… First impressions do run deep. This guy had two strikes against him after I saw his photo. I will cut him some slack until I meet him (which I never will.) If I did meet him, I suspect he would hang himself with the slack that I so generously gave him! LOL

  12. Dear David, as always I love to read the thoughts where you carried us all. To be honest, I can’t put myself any place on this subject. But let me sort of things about me, 1) I don’t like to give and to take books. For me, this kind of action needs more depths between me and the other. Because I should know what book I can gift.. I have several books that were all gifted to me, and none of them was the book that I do like.. Some of them were funny too, I mean to give a gift not for my age or knowledge.. 2) On the other hand, I gifted many books. To a village libraries, and to the students who were in the university, and sure to the children too. Even my Little BIG Men too. Did I do well, I mean, were the books fine for them.. I will never know, but one thing I know my Little BIG Men told me not to give us a book. And me, nia put the end of gifting books. 3) On the other hand, book is a precious thing. Once, my Love gifted me a book to me. But he knew what I was looking for. When I saw his gift I cried. It was amazing moment for me. He never gifts me a book, he knows how difficult to do this. 4) Gift card.. Sounds so nice. As I mentioned above, books are precious but of course the book and the reader should be in the meaningful point. They should be happy, reader and writer.. 5) On the other hand, dear Sawsan, why she doesnt’t like gift card for books.. what means for her. I wonder. Maybe I missed the reason, but I really want to learn why. 6) In the past with my Love every summer holiday we carried books to a village at the Aegean coast, there was a little library and we collected books from our friends, and also from our own library too. Still it gets books from people, from cities. 7) finally I know I talked too much, but a few nights ago I saw a dream, there was a beautiful and a big book in my hand, someone gifted to me. The pages were amazing, like a silk, and I could read too,… clear and beautiful. It was in English language too. There was a very small rectangular box next to some of words. And when you read the code you could see the pictures,..etc. Made me happy this dream. I felt peace. Anyway, Thank you dear David, and All your readers. Love, nia

      1. Thank you dear David, your World in this blog, with your readers is very special place for me. Always great moments to read, to think, to watch and to learn too. Have a nice and enjoyable day, Love, nia

    2. Hi Nia 💕 I think gifting books is a very personal decision. When you do this (if you do this), it’s important to find a book that you know the person will Love.

      I think the reason that Sawsan does not like gift cards is that it is an easy way to give a gift without spending the thought, time, and effort that is required to choose a gift that you feel very deeply is likely to be loved by the person who receives it.

      It is wonderful to hear from you, Nia!

      1. I also think it is good to give books to libraries because someone… Eventually… Will be the right person who will enjoy the book. They are not forced to take it as a gift. They simply “discover it” in the library and make the choice to read it on their own.

        Gifting books to students can also be a wonderful thing, as long as you know that the books are useful to the students.

        I love your story about your dream! That is a beautiful story! -Paul

      2. Thank you dear Paul, I think I understood now. Actually I should have thought of this.. Thank you so much for your explanation. Means a lot for me. Have a nice day, Love, nia

    3. Dear Nia, what a beautiful dream.
      I’m ok with gift cards to a bookstore.

      They way people pick gifts says a lot about them. A small, well thought gift is worth so much to me.

      On a side note, many many years ago, I used to sleep over frequently at my favorite uncle’s house. I loved his relationship with his wife, Aunt Huda. I was going through their bookshelves one night and found the most intimate surprise. There were notes all over in 2 different handwritings. Reading the comments, it was obvious that they compared notes and discussed. I spoke to them about this. It made me so happy to find out that one of them starts by reading the book first, underlies what made them stop, wrote notes in the margin, and gifted the book with their notes to the other.
      Then the other one would read it, add their own notes and give it back. Now, how beautiful is this?

      2. How nice of you dear Sawsan, first of all Thank you so much, this is a wonderful sharing, your Uncle’s and his wife story fascinated me. And also made me cry too. Because we were same with my Dad. He was working very hard, early Morning while we were sleeping he was going to work (he was a machine engineer and establishing a factory) and again while we were sleeping he was coming back home from his work. I started to leave notes about what happened in my day or what I read and what I understood, or Ieaving my own poems to see his thoughts.. He was reading late night and I was reading in the Morning..

        Dear Sawsan, I think, I almost understand the meaning behind the gift cards. Yes, it sounds well, and I agree with you. What made me that I couldn’t understand why,.. as always I thought some people who can’t affort to buy a book.. something like that. This is actually extraordinary situation, other point, in my humble mind, to make a person to meet with a bookstore, and with a book. I know this is like a dreamy thought. But your explanation is all about human relationship.. To spend time for someone.. and to find what she or he would like. This is an effort that friendship and a good relationship deserve. It is something we can never repay with money and yes it is very valuable and has a great meaning. I should have thought about this. Once again Thank you, have a nice day, Love, nia

        1. Hi Nia 💕
          A gift card is very much like giving someone money to go pick out their own book at the bookstore. There is just a tiny difference. If I wanted to give someone a book, but I did not know which one to choose… I can go to the bookstore myself and give the bookstore some money. The bookstore then gives me a “gift card”… which is worth the same amount of money that I gave to the bookstore.

          Then I give the gift card to the person I want to give a book to, and THEY go to the bookstore and choose which book to buy. They can choose any book they want. They give this “gift card” to the bookstore when they buy the book… That is how they pay for the book. This way they MUST purchase a book, because the gift card is like money that they can only use at the bookstore. The gift card has no value at another store, like a grocery store or a clothing store. It only has value to purchase a book.

          This is not as personal/loving a way to give a book to someone, because I do not choose the book for them. They have to go to the bookstore and pick which book they want themselves.

          Blessings to you – Paul

          1. Book, books.. have a really long talkings. I do appreciate all your thoughts. Nothing comes wrong. But for myself, it’s been long time I don’t give anyone books… And for me to give a gift to someone is not easy anymore.. This is another subject for me. Thank you dear Paul, have a nice day for you too, Love, nia

          2. In my humble opinion, all that matters is that you do everything that you can to stay healthy and to find ways to be happy Nia. This is not easy to do in the world today. I am sending you thoughts of peace and love. – Paul.

  13. I have concluded, after 24 hours of reflection and meditation (OK… Not really)… That I dislike this author: Jared Dillian. Anyone who titles their book: “We Are Going to Get Those Bastards”… Is likely not to be someone who I want anything to do with. (Of course I know this is not fair… I would still need to meet him to make a final decision.) However, I am certain I will never meet this person. His website says that he is highly educated, but also clearly implies that he is a narcissist.

    In conclusion: I want nothing to do with him!
    LOL: that’s my decision and I’m sticking to it!

  14. We have created many comments about a relatively simple post here… Which I find interesting. The best part, of course, is the banter created between David and Sawsan! That… Is nearly always… Priceless! Lol 😉

      1. Bummer! Someone point me to the old posts… Please!! I would love to read some of “the Classics”! Some of the early ones since I’ve been following (a couple of years ago maybe) were a lot of fun… Can’t imagine how much more interesting “the good old days” must’ve been! 😉

        I’m willing to pay for this privilege… Cash in the mail if you want!! 😁

  15. Much frivolity, much seriousness … am going away to think about the books I have given away and any suffering I may have unwittingly afflicted!

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