For the last few months, small joys have been my sustenance… Often these small moments fade from view with the passage of time. What makes it into our memory banks are the bigger things—either the zeniths or the nadirs—but what we end up longing for and leaning on in hard times are the little quotidian comforts and delights; they lift and carry us from day to day. Noting these joys is a muscle I’ve been consciously trying to exercise: training the eye to see them and training the mind to hold onto them.
I do want to make a distinction here between the practice of celebrating small joys and the culture of “toxic positivity,” where we’re told to be ever-grateful, to always search for the silver linings, to put a positive spin on all experiences, even the profoundly tragic. The author Barbara Ehrenreich has written critically about this cultural phenomenon with far more nuance than I can in this missive, but it’s a topic I’ve thought a lot about, especially in these last months. It’s easy to feel pressure to be someone who “suffers well”—grateful and graceful and stoic 24/7. But that doesn’t allow us to exist fully, to experience the full range of the human condition, from happiness to grief, from gratitude to envy.
I love observing tiny daily joys because it feels natural and easy, not forced, not pressurized, not all or nothing. And not only has the practice helped ease this difficult passage, it’s helped me identify what lifts me up, and then I can cultivate more of it. (Read the rest of her essay here.)
— Suleika Jaouad, from “Back Again” in “The Isolation Journals with Suleika Jaouad” (September 1, 2024, Substack).
“Suleika’s career aspirations as a foreign correspondent were cut short when, at age 22, she was diagnosed with leukemia. She began writing her New York Times column “Life, Interrupted” from her hospital room at Sloan-Kettering, and has since become a fierce advocate for those living with illness and enduring life’s many other interruptions.” From her bio here.
Notes:
- With gratitude to Mary Ann for sharing. Thank you.
- Portrait of Suleika Jaouad from her Facebook page here.
We must be proud of those who still feel the pain of others. They are happy and comfortable. They will always succeed in life
What a paean to small joys! I always think of these moments as the spaces in between – the moments that often get ignored or glossed over, yet are there whether recognized or not. These aren’t manufactured moments, moments that blaze ‘joy’ in neon marquees. I wonder though what the down side is for ‘manufactured’ joys – if it gives pause to consider all the moments that go unrecognized, if it offers a moment of gratitude – is that really so bad?
This resonates with me as well. Have been writing in my little gratitude journal most every morning for the past year, a practice that has allowed me to become more dialed in to the types of quotidian pleasures this writer cites…the first cup of coffee enjoyed in the silence of the predawn hours as I collect my thoughts; the ritual of my morning walk with the dogs, glimpsing the deer, rabbits, armadillos and birds as they go about their morning ministrations; gazing at glorious cloud banks that seem to have gathered purely for my delight. There are days filled with frustration, disappointment and anger to be sure, but remaining mindful of the counterbalance of simple blessings helps to ‘grease the slides’ across the rough patches. 😉
Lori, I think of you often and am deeply grateful that you find those little joys. I still can‘t fathom how you can live in F although I understand, of course, why you do. Well, gives me pause from time to time to send you a bunch of fond thoughts in the hope that you feel them.
first of all, I know quite a lot about Suleika Jaouad, and mostly because of her musician husband Jon Batiste…. I find it quite astonishing that a relatively young woman had – first of all – to go through all that torment and ailing, and secondly, how it formed her soul and mind. Then, being with Jon certainly proved and proves to be an experience of many dimensions. So, I‘m not surprised to find these thoughts and views here. It shows once more that living is not for the faint-hearted….
I am still really happy that early on in my life, I‘ve learned to appreciate and see the small joys, kindnesses and my heart and mind is wide open to my ‚next‘ and sees when I need to take action, send a prayer, start a talk, am there to listen – it is always also a gift to me. Last week, a friend of ours went missing. I spent two terrible nights, praying for her to be found – and there she was found and brought to a hospital right after the 2nd night of ‚soul & body searching‘ by her friends, families, acquaintances. One mustn‘t believe in these ‚tales‘ but when one does and can, it‘s wonderful.
I love the tiny joys in life the best. and life is not all joy, she is right, or you’re not really living it fully. <3 to suleika
So timely. Thank you
It’s not fair that young lives are taken, especially those who have something to contribute to the world.
Agree Anneli.
“It’s easy to feel pressure to be someone who “suffers well ….. But that doesn’t allow us to exist fully, to experience the full range of the human condition, from happiness to grief, from gratitude to envy.” So true.
“It’s easy to feel pressure to be someone who “suffers well”—grateful and graceful and stoic 24/7. But that doesn’t allow us to exist fully, to experience the full range of the human condition, from happiness to grief, from gratitude to envy”
Damn. This hit.
I want to exist fully. But grief? Envy? Sadness? Is there a fast forward option?
Another great read. Thank you DK.
Thanks Cara.
I am sitting in a home right now with a dear friend who lost her son two weeks ago my suicide. This certainly struck Home. For me and for how I see she is coping. Thank you for sharing, again and again!
Wow. The hurt there is beyond comprehension. I hope your friend finds peace, in whatever form it comes.
My heart goes out to your friend and her family. Losing someone to suicide is devastating. I’m glad my sharing could resonate with you both.
Suleika Jaouad, has an intellect, depth…is caring and has a keen ability to observe inward, outward and her ability to look at others sees their pain, their joys, their worth that perhaps they don’t even recognize… Her strength & beauty is graceful…and the joyful glow, imitates….
So true!