Anger is a cousin of intelligence. If you are not revolted by certain things, you have no boundaries. If you have no boundaries, you have no self-knowledge. If you have no self-knowledge, you have no taste, and if you have no taste, why are you here?
― Sloane Crosley, Grief Is for People (MCD, February 27, 2024)
Notes:
- Book Review: A Dazzling Humorist Returns With a Deep Dive Into Loss. NY Times, Feb 24, 2024.
- Post Title & Inspiration: Aldous Huxley: “It’s dark because you are trying too hard. Lightly child, lightly. Learn to do everything lightly. Yes, feel lightly even though you’re feeling deeply. Just lightly let things happen and lightly cope with them.
Writing you from the top of the wall-of-boundaries. Her point is well taken for those of us who have needed to shore up our walls these days
No kidding!
Another opinion on a book I guess is well worthwhile the read. I puzzled for a while over the quoted text. As someone to have lost three family members in less than one year, I had a lot of time to go through my emotions, feelings, pondering my thoughts and experiences. Contrary to the writer, and to E. Kübler-Ross* with her ‚Denial, Bargaining, Anger, Depression and Afterward (instead of acceptance)‘ – in none of these 3 death I was in denial, there was no bargaining, no anger, no depression but only thankful acceptance. In the meantime we also lost another member to suicide. In all cases death wasn‘t a total surprise, that helps certainly. In two cases it was parents who died, so death was on the ‚things to happen‘ list, one a very ill but still positive sister and one a 23yr old. I think the subject of death of a loved one will be treated very differently as per ‚reasons for death, was it unexpected or rather „a good thing to have happened„. In all 4 cases we had time to get acquainted with the thought of death.
I shall keep those sentences in my mind for a while: Anger is a cousin of intelligence. If you are not revolted by certain things, you have no boundaries. If you have no boundaries, you have no self-knowledge. If you have no self-knowledge, you have no taste, and if you have no taste, why are you here?
not sure I agree to, or disagree with those words – but worthwhile pondering anyway.
Are you reading those books because of your brother‘s death or are you ‚just‘ interested in questions of death, demise, sadness, depression et al?
(*) I read a lot of Kübler-Ross‘ writing a long time ago, I was always agonised and amazed in equal measures, I could never agree with everything nor deny anything.
I have been a fan of Alexandra Fuller’s work for years, I read everything she has written, so this was next in line. This last book was recommended by Friend, and while it deals with Grief, it is far less heavy.
And I like how you framed your thoughts on the passage, I couldn’t either agree or disagree fully, but I appreciated the language and love anything that makes me pause and think.
I’m not sure I see the logical thread between all those statements, but this rings true: “If you are not revolted by certain things, you have no boundaries.” Boundaries are a hot topic right now (perhaps too much so?), and I think this framing is interesting.
Agree with you Laila. And Kiki’s thoughtful comment captured my line of thinking. Not sure I agree or disagree with all of it, but Sloane Crosley made me think!
Sloane Crosley made me think, as well…Her statement is like a universal, blanket…imho…grief is such an individual experience, a process that takes one on a long journey…of profound shock of loss to a point of realization that brings us to gratefulness of having been able to have loved them and to recognize that we still love them, in a heartfelt way to the Soul…so very hard…I know that when we sit out in the garden we look at each other and say, our Parents would have loved sitting here with their coffee as the birds sign as the sun slowly moves across the landscape.// Many of us can also have unresolved thoughts depending on the difficult relationship with the one who is gone…I learned that you never know when the last time you saw them was truly the last time and if there is anything to talk about do it before it is too late, take the chance to clear the air & Forgive…PS: yes, tears are flowing…
So beautifully stated Christie. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you…to add – grief is not only experienced by people…animals experience, profound grief.