I felt an unholy storm move through my body. And after that, there was a brief lapse in my recollection. Either I blacked out from the pain, or I have blotted out the memory. And then, there was another person on the floor in front of me, moving his arms and legs – alive. I heard myself say out loud, this can’t be good. But it looked good. My baby was as pretty as a seashell. He was translucent and pink and very, very small, but he was flawless. His lovely lips were opening and closing, opening and closing, swallowing the new world.
For a length of time I cannot delineate, I sat there awestruck, transfixed. Every finger, every toenail, the golden shadow of his eyebrows coming in, the elegance of his shoulders. All of it was miraculous, astonishing. I held him up to my face, his head and shoulders filling my hand, his legs dangling almost to my elbow. I tried to think of something maternal I could do to convey to him that I was his mother and that I had the situation completely under control. I kissed his forehead, and his skin felt like a silky frog’s on my mouth.
~ Ariel Levy from “The Rules Do Not Apply: A Memoir” (March 2017)
Notes:
- Listen to Fresh Air Podcast with Terry Gross interviewing Ariel Levy: “I Was Somebody’s Mother’: Reflections On The Guilt And Grief Of Miscarriage (August 1, 2017)
- Photo: Polyvore (via Your Eyes Blaze Out)
Absolutely powerful!
It is. And listening to hear read it in this interview. I was transfixed.
http://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2017/08/01/540822381/i-was-somebodys-mother-reflections-on-the-guilt-and-grief-of-miscarriage
Wow…
Yes…my reaction too…
I was getting ready to go to bed, but after this interview it’ll be another couple of hours. Powerful.
It is…
An honest and moving article and Ariel’s book sounds great. “Insane” is exactly how a mother feels after losing a child. You create any other world in your mind, than the one your faced with.
I thought of you when sharing this…your strength, beyond compare.
Many tears with no control. Bam 💥. Heartache to follow.
Yes. Abyss…
what a stunning description of new life and connection
It is. And then….
I have always felt a little sorry for men, because they will never know what it feels like to feel your baby grow and move inside you and then that moment when you meet face to face, there is nothing like it. ♡
Diana xo
Hmmmm. Sorry for us. I don’t think we could handle it. 😐
Haha I coached two births and it looks scarier than it is!
Oh, it’s scary.
Haha 😉
This is absolutely beautiful 🙂
Isn’t it though!
I had a miscarriage at a time when there was very little awareness of the loss. It was in a hospital and I was unable to have that moment of connection with that life cut short. I was very moved by the intimacy that she was able to create for herself as part of her healing.
http://www.meinthmiddlewrites.com
Wow Mary Lou. Speechless.