Running. Born Blue to Run.

~ Live & Learn

blue-art-sky

I’m less than mile in, on a planned five-miler. It’s not good. The worm flips the stomach over, and over, and over. Nausea. This will pass, don’t stop, run through it.

It doesn’t pass.

Bile backs up the throat, coats the molars and scurries forward. The gag reflex is triggered. I hunch over, hands clutch the knee caps. OMG. 

I stand upright, soldier-like, arms and hands hang. Eyes shut, tears slide down both cheeks, I make no effort to clear. I need this moment. Just a moment to re-grip. 

I grab the water bottle, gargle, and spew. Most clears, too much does not. A thick stream runs down the zipper line of the coat. Puking, on yourself, nice. 

I re-start. The north wind gusts and makes contact, tear ducts gush water, the track in front is a blur. Whoa. Easy does it.

Mile 2.0.

The mind whirs, trying to latch onto a thread. Alcohol? Not a scent, in months. Food poisoning? Unlikely. Holiday sugar intake, cookies, brownies, chocolates by the handfuls – highly deserving of body rejection here. Up 5 pounds in less than 10 days in holiday over indulgence, more deserving shock treatment here. Something more serious? Naaaaa.  

Mile 5.0.

I’m half-way through an NPR interview with Bruce Springsteen when he’s asked about whether his condition was due to being a year and half off the road. He pauses for several moments: “Mm-hmm.” And then replies: “I tend to be not my own best company. I can get a little lost when – if I don’t have my work to occasionally focus me.”

Mile 7.0.

Week 2.0 of Holiday. I can get a little lost when…I don’t have my work to focus me…

13,097 steps.

Nap time.

Notes:

  • Inspired by Bruce Springsteen’s interview on NPR’s Fresh Air:  (Laughter) You know, but – you know, people see you on stage and yeah, I’d want to be that guy. I want to be that guy myself very often. You know, I get plenty – I have plenty of days where I go, man, I wish I could be that guy. And….You know, it’s not quite – there’s a big difference between what you see on stage and then my general daily – (laughter) my daily existence.
  • Photo: Nacho Zaitsev. Surreal and Dreamlike Portrait Photography.  Zaitsev is a talented self-taught photographer and digital artist, who currently lives and works in Madrid, SpainArt – (via mennyfox55)
  • Related Posts: Running Series

37 thoughts on “Running. Born Blue to Run.”

  10. Love your personal posts–though do not love that you were sick. I am with The Boss–feel lost this week without work to focus on (paper shuts down this week). Read you every day on my phone but can’t respond. Am on computer today…..hope you have recovered.

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    2. And your thought reminds me of (and I had to read this several times to digest and understand):

      Understandably, most of us are uncomfortable when things are undefined, when things are not clearly to or for, up or down, left or right, or right or wrong. But the deeper truths always take time to reach us, and it is our job to enter a practice of waiting openly- which involves enduring the tensions of not-knowing. The truths that matter require us not to form opinions or beliefs hastily. On the contrary, we are asked to allow time to surround us with the Wholeness of life, to take the time required for the paradox of truth to show itself. It seems that the practice of not-knowing begins with a trust in the unnameable space that holds us, in the mysterious atmosphere in which we all live. That seems to be the true space of listening and learning, where our brief experiences of life in its totality, whether harsh or calm, will not fit into our tidy little maps of perception. Yet where are we educated in this? Where are we taught to withstand the surf and undertow of ambiguity and confusion long enough till we can drift in the majestic swell that sages and poets of all traditions have called the unity of life?

      ~ Mark Nepo, Seven Thousand Ways to Listen: Staying Close to What Is Sacred

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