People often reach out to me assuming that I’m now happy and high functioning—that I’ve “recovered” or climbed atop some “mentally healthy” pedestal. My first instinct when I hear this, ironically, is to clarify that I’m by no means what psychiatry would consider “well”—though this doesn’t mean anything to me. Instead, I explain how I’ve come to view the paradigm of “mental illness” and “mental health” as a false binary, and that I have found, in shedding this medicalized framework of self-understanding, that no state of being is permanent or anything to be attached to or worried about. And when I do seem to be falling into some kind of particularly unhelpful emotional or thinking “pattern,” I typically don’t need to sleuth around too long to figure out what’s going on. Inevitably, it’s rooted in my relationship to life around me: there is unresolved conflict between me and someone I care about; I have deprioritized social connection because I feel exhausted; I’m powerless about a difficult circumstance but haven’t yet let go of needing it to change; I’m placing too much attention on matters that really have no relevance for me. Much of the time, it’s because I’ve slipped back into my old habit of ignoring my intuition: I’ve spoken yes when my instincts said no. I haven’t had restful time to myself. Too many hours in front of a computer and not enough put toward the things and people that really matter—the things that, when I’m at death’s door one day, I’ll wish I’d done more of: expansive conversations at the reservoir with Cooper with scootering kids in tow, despite all those emails beckoning me to catch up on them; letting the boys blow up the living room to build that pillow fort even though it means more tidying; calling up the people who ignite me to catch up on life instead of just working more.
— Laura Delano, Unshrunk: A Story of Psychiatric Treatment Resistance (Viking, March 18, 2025)
Notes:
- Recommended: Not a warm and fuzzy page turner but powerful. Her insights and thoughts will not leave me soon, if ever.
- Book Review of “Unshrunk” by Casey Schwartz, NY Times, March 20, 2025.
- Book Review in Washington Post: “She stopped taking her psych meds. Now she helps others do the same. Laura Delano’s “Unshrunk” is more than a memoir. It’s a treatise against psychiatric medications.”
I hear the wake-up call loud and clear, especially the “it’s because I’ve slipped back into my old habit of ignoring my intuition” part. Always helpful to remind myself that the familiar is intoxicating and, unfortunately, often quite toxic. Thank you!
Hi CJ. So me too. She has a few passages that resonating with me on this topic.
Compliance comes to be the sole thing we rely on to orient us on a path forward, to give us purpose, to help us feel good about ourselves.
— Laura Delano, Unshrunk: A Story of Psychiatric Treatment Resistance (Viking, March 18, 2025)
What a gift, that outrage. With each passing day it was moving me closer to a trustworthy source I’d long ago lost touch with: my instincts, my intuition, myself. First there was Dr. Heathering calling security on me, then the attempt by my treatment team to force me back on Antabuse, and finally Krystal’s wellness check: these three encounters with psychiatric force had destroyed any last semblance of compliance I had left in me. I’d always assumed I needed permission from my psychiatrist to come off a medication, but it now seemed otherwise: It was my body. If I didn’t want these pills coursing through my bloodstream anymore, I had the right to come off them. I immediately stopped the Wellbutrin, which I’d been on for about two weeks, and decided the time had come to drag myself to the gym. One night, as I was sucking wind on the elliptical machine, watching Wheel of Fortune, I looked around at all the joggers and bikers and weight lifters, these seemingly put-together people leading put-together lives. The usual thought occurred to me—Imagine if you were actually going to a job tomorrow morning and not the psych hospital—but this time, instead of the usual flood of shame, I closed my eyes and let my imagination invent a novel scene: me, living independently in a clean apartment, waking up alert and eager, fresh coffee brewing as I brushed my teeth and showered and combed my hair and put on clothes I felt good in, because I was in a body that felt like mine. I’d face myself confidently in the mirror, unafraid and unashamed of what I saw. There’d be the quiet minutes of solitude as I took sips from my mug and felt the morning sun beaming through my window, and then I’d head out the door to a challenging, purposeful job that allowed me to provide for myself. I’d work hard all day, go to the gym after work, followed by a twelve-step meeting, where I’d see my supportive friends and have the chance to help someone in the midst of struggle. I’d tuck myself into bed in the evening, pick up a good book, and look back on the day with gratitude. I smiled and thought, It’s time to get out. There was no considering, no questioning, no doubt. I knew it clear as day the second it occurred to me: I was ready to stop being a psychiatric patient.
Delano, Laura. Unshrunk: A Story of Psychiatric Treatment Resistance (pp. 224-226). (Function). Kindle Edition.
Equally powerful, maybe even moreso….but I think that’s partially because the latter half of this section literally happened to me the past few days. Taking responsibility for your life is unbelievably scary. But once you realize the alternatives are much worse, it becomes the easiest choice ever. Thank you for sharing this with me!
My pleasure!
So much to think about – the flaws or limitations in treatment of emotional conditions, the discipline she has that allows for self-reflection and attention she gives her triggers. Impressive
So agree with you Mimi. And the mental health care infrastructure all pushing against her to stay on meds. What an impressive lady and story.
Sounds interesting, indeed.
It is!
I think she is finally using Coognitive Behaviour
Yes, in addition to incredible willpower and determination.
This does sound interesting, pal. I am currently reading Jonathan Rosen’s Pulitzer Prize finalist “The Best Minds,” which is the story of two friends, one of whom is brilliant…and schizophrenic. The struggles that are described of dealing with such a serious illness and at the same time holding onto a sense of self have really moved me. So much room for improvement in the treatment of mental health issues in our society. Much to ponder.
I too have read Jonathan Rosen’s book. Frightening in parts… and mental health professionals don’t have an easy time of it esp with litigation hanging over their heads.
Yes, very true.
this book sounds intriguing and not an easy read, but brings interesting ideas to roost. trusting and knowing ourselves and letting our intuition speak
Exactly Beth. That is the punch line.
Think I will have to read this one
Hope you enjoy it.