Over the past decade, I have reviewed hundreds of studies and interviewed dozens of elite performers, including athletes, scientists, artists, physicians, educators and businesspeople, and I have found the top indicators of people’s lasting success and satisfaction came down to how they answered these five questions:
- Did they give their pursuit their all?
- Did they live in alignment with their values?
- Were they patient and present?
- Did they embrace their own vulnerability?
- And did they build meaningful and mutually respectful relationships along the way?
To my surprise, no idea has resonated more with Olympic medalists than groundedness — that you can be a good person and reach great heights.
— Brad Stulberg, from “What the Olympics Can Teach Us About Excellence” (NY Times, August 9, 2024). Brad Stulberg is the author of “The Practice of Groundedness: A Transformative Path to Success that Feeds — Not Crushes — Your Soul” and a co-founder of the newsletter The Growth Equation
I think that living successfully (read that ‘happily’ in all aspects of happiness) embraces relational dynamics – with others, with one’s self and one’s aspirations , with the world within which we live. There are so many elements of living these days that underscore the efficiency of transactional behavior. Many of our own creations reinforce such expediency. Given that so much is superficial, how can one feel successful? Ok – more coffee
Good morning Mimi. Your comment (deep for this early) reminds me of this excellent essay on “Are We Happy Yet.” https://readwise.io/reader/shared/01j4swp67drc9gbq5a0zxr64nn
“Mr. Sandler’s main takeaway: The factor with the biggest influence on his emotional well-being is being around other people.Mr. Sandler is in good company. For all the supposed happiness-boosting strategies that aren’t supported by evidence, one of the few things that might move the needle is social contact. Dealing with other humans forces us to put up with their frailties and chaos and churlishness and to expose our own. Engaging with other people as our imperfect selves shatters the illusion of control that we have when we’re attempting to optimize our moment-to-moment feelings. It also goes against the self-help cliché that we cannot have good relationships unless we work on ourselves first. But there is no committee that will tell you that you’re appropriately actualized, giving you a stamp of well-adjusted approval or an ideal positive feelings ratio to allow you into the general population to fraternize. You just have to do it.”
Preach! This totally resonates with me. I would add that when you engage with the world, you learn as you go. And as you begin to move in that direction, you can feel it in your bones and how you feel about yourself and the magic of being human. I could go on, but as you note it’s way too early, and I’m sorry for such blurts before the sun comes up and you get to the cove.
Thank you Mimi and dk for the morning jolt of I insight and inspiration. What a way to start the week 💕
You’re very kind, Sawsan…really. If anyone needs a Tylenol, let me know. The least I can do is offer some relief…😉💕
No relief needed. You have both set me on the right foot. The reason we come to this corner of the world in the first place.
Sending hugs with gratitude…
I need your twilight blurts. I’ve come to depend on them! Keep’em coming!
Laughing 😂 You may come to regret that.
LOVE this. Thank you both.
Thanks Laila.
Oops – one more “From Strength To Strength” by Arthur Brooks
Those five areas will take you far in life!
this makes perfect sense –
Sure does…
I’m rephrasing those questions and asking myself. Interesting what shows up! Definitely a Monday morning wake up call!
1. Not always
2. Yes
3. Sometimes
4. Now that’s hard
5. Working on it
1 out of 5 and still some way to go..
Thanks David.
Smiling. No laughing. I tested myself after you and Sawsan did. 2 out of 5 but I have some deep deep holes in patient and present and others (we’ll leave it at that!). Thanks Val.
I decided to ask myself:
Did they give their pursuit their all? There’s more to give.
Did they live in alignment with their values? 100%. It was always easy to stop/leave when anything didn’t align with my values.
Were they patient and present? Present, not patient enough.
Did they embrace their own vulnerability? For sure, it came easy to embrace my vulnerabilities. Very transparent and open about them, too.
And did they build meaningful and mutually respectful relationships along the way? Yes!
Well look at that. Bravo for the candor and disclosure. A+. This is why YOU are EXCELLENT.
Oh 4. Extremely difficult to be vulnerable and to allow others to do the same in your company.
May I add 6?
Live a life in which you give more than you take.
Love this positive Monday content. Much respect to you DK. See what I did there? Opened this up for the “mutual” respect part… your turn…. GO!
Wow. Leave it to Jr. to not answer the questions for herself, add another question because she falls short on the 5 listed, and then deflect. Wow. Why don’t you give it another try? Wouldn’t this be the approach you’d take with your students?
So you clearly missed the “mutual respect” window of opportunity. Heavy sigh.
Mutual respect wasn’t on the list of five.
It’s literally #5. Yikes.