Ladies: Give me your best shot.

~ Live & Learn

The question is why go here? It’s a Sunday, God’s Day (for all you believers. And then me, only in case I need Him / Her at the End). It’s a quiet peaceful morning, and I sit pondering, WTH is possessing me to go here?

95% of my Blog followers are female, and they stick together like a wolf pack.

I’m white, old, and male, nearly extinct, at least that’s what I keep hearing — and that’s exactly what I feel each time I get up and my bones groan.

BUT, at some point, one has to stand on principle. Enough getting pushed around by all these Women.

Case 1: It all started at Home. You don’t stay married for 40 (?) years without having a life changing dispute or two over household responsibilities. I would say I own about half-ish or so of the HH stuff (with a handful of exclusions incl. lawn cutting, edging and weeding, washing/vacuuming both cars, making the bed, doing the laundry and folding, dishwasher unloading, ironing, vacuuming & dusting the entire house, bathroom cleaning, grocery shopping, paying the bills, and anything and everything involving household repairs.) Yes, Susan owns all of these exclusions, and I unfortunately carry the overwhelming burden of the rest. So a dispute of how to correctly load the dishwasher started years ago, and the war of wills continues. (Apparently this is an American issue, so we’re not alone.)

Susan cares (deeply) about how dishes are stacked in the dishwasher, and there’s a correct way according to some expert on Oprah, or God knows who. Meanwhile, I, don’t give a sh*t how they’re stacked. Susan’s given up on “coaching” and now, each and every time she unloads the dishwasher, she emits a sigh that can be heard two neighbors down the street. And I, who can’t resist any skirmish, let ‘er fly (after another one of her Sighs), “WOULD YOU JUST LIKE ME TO LEAVE THE DISHES ON THE COUNTER, OR BETTER YET ON THE KITCHEN TABLE? I’M GOOD EITHER WAY. JUST LET ME KNOW.” Go ahead Ladies, pile on. You mean you can’t take a few seconds and do it right. And my answer would be NO, absolutely f-ing, NOT. No way, not a chance.

Case 2: This popped recently and I’ll leave out the details for self-preservation. And to avoid our house being fire-bombed by the Zealots for being a conscientious objector. The request, coming from a she, her, hers was for me to respect the use of Pronouns. And again, Man of average-ish IQ can’t resist flying headlong into a skirmish (dare I say a pointless one that is a for-certain lose-lose outcome, and worse, I KNOW IT and DO IT ANYWAY). This Man, way way on the wrong side of 50, who struggles to ensure his shoes are tied and his pants are on with pockets facing outward and frontward, the answer is simple: NO. Respect for all people: YES. But this, THIS, is beyond MY capacity. NO.

Case 3: No need for you all to know when this case was initiated, except grudge remains in force. Sawsan started in on me because I failed to know which way the Earth rotates. (And she wouldn’t let it go after I said “who gives a sh*t which way it turns. As long as it does what it’s supposed to do.”) To underscore my point, I followed with: “Just let me know before it stops so I can snatch the plate off the table when I’m eating my pasta.” She found no humor in this, not at all. Now, Old, white, male is getting scolded by a youngster (who speaks multiple languages, writes poetry, has advanced degrees in Genetics, DNA repair & mutagenesis – whatever the hell all this is.) While she’s blabbing on, it hits me. She thinks I can be taught, that I will listen, it will register and she’ll do her world good deed for the day. I’m mean my mast head on this blog is Live & Learn, which is largely a con to attract all these wonderful women followers. Blah, Blah, Blah, she continues. I’m listening to her go on and I mean nothing, ZERO is registering. Not one cell of this bio-sh*t is sinking in. I cut her off and terminate the conversation.

She’s thinks I’m an idiot (OLD, white, male, thick in the head). And because she thinks I’m an idiot, she disengages from my Blog for more than 2 years because she says: “I’m going off grid to focus on important things in my life.” Little did I know that “off-grid” meant just off-grid on my blog. Wow.

Then, this same Sawsan comes flying back into the picture, with the she/her/hers Posse stating that my Blog has lost its way, with few to no posts in weeks, no original content, and they might as well be watching TikTok for better entertainment.

I mean how much crap can one take before it’s Enough?

Case 4: So, I wondered, why are all these smart people and especially smart Women (She/Her/Hers) following this Clown Car? Or is it an unbearable rubbernecking interest to see how I manage to get through one day after another?

And then no sooner did this thought land, in comes a text from Sawsan: “I see that you have someone else exposing you for what you are, so I can sit back, relax and watch. Hehehehehehe. I retire and give her the throne. She is the Queen.”

“Exposing me for what i am.”

Wow. Let that sink in for a moment.

So there we have it. Sawsan has given up on me, her Project. She quit. Something doesn’t work, just dump it.

And she’s crowned her Successor: Cara Denison. That’s her up there in the photo. Another daily morning walker at Cove Island Park. Married to Barry, Mother of 3 wonderful boys, and she’s a 4th Grade School Teacher.

A 4th Grade School Teacher has taken over for Sawsan. Sawsan believes that’s where we need to start, 4th grade.

Look at her in the photo. Just look at her. Laying on the walkway at Cove Island Park taking hundreds of selfies to get just the right one to post on Facebook and Instagram.

Sad Sawsan, sad, to put Junior here in the line of fire.

Get her successor ready, stack up your Women instructors, this one won’t take long.

95 thoughts on “Ladies: Give me your best shot.”

  1. This made my day, dk. Thank you.
    But we have a new Queen in the house. It’s time for me to take a break from tje massive task of fixing you.

    For context , HRH Queen Cara was not taking a selfie. She was capturing a lovely photo. And it’s documented.

    Susan, yes, there is a right way to load the dishwasher in order to maximize space and efficiency of the cleaning process.

    Also Susan, can you please start taking all hos gadgets away as of Friday 5 pm, give back Monday at 8 am.

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          1. He’s not white, older, male, and nearly extinct. Most days his pronouns are he/him/his. On other days, he has one pronoun, It.

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          3. Your breed is going extinct due to natural selection. Individuals who can’t load the dishwasher properly will not survive the blades of evolution.

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          4. Esam and I will not go down quietly. It’s the lack of any inflexibility of your approach that is creating tension and havoc. Shame on you Sawsan for propagating these falsehoods that are detrimental to society.

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      2. So I’m going to chime in on the side of DK on this one Sawsan — there is nothing to fix here — I mean, DK is a magnificent specimen of a man (if ever there was one – which come to think of it I doubt there is, but I digress).

        Of course, there are a few minor issues that could use with a bit of polishing but hey! Nothing major other than he’s a self-professed idiot (self-professing that is idiotic to me but hey! He probably thinks that’s being vulnerable) and, again self-professed OLD, white, male, thick in the head but other than that? Oh wait. Did he mention Grumpy and that he possses the traits of unteachable, irritable, and intractable too — but seriously, they might wash off if he loaded himself into the dishwasher — of course, best he remember how to load an idiotic OLD, white, male, thick in the head and grumpy man into said dishwasher which he refuses to load properly!

        So, just in case he forgets…

        1. Remove upper tray (put somewhere safe so wife and dog do not trip over it!

        2. Insert feet first.

        3. Open mouth. Bend body in half, insert feet into mouth to ensure body fits into said dishwasher, scrunch down.

        And most important of all — don’t forget to ask understanding, tolerant and much maligned spouse to close the door on you and set said diswasher he refuses to load properly to Tough Load.

        I mean seriously, wash off those bits and pieces and you’ll find DK is a fine specimen of a man. Right?

        And while some may say, Dream on, I say, I got your back DK!

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        3. Oh Louise, have I misjudged you so severely? I didn‘t think you had it in you to be so …. I can‘t even think of a word! I always thought you were sweetness personified and now this. I have to sit down and ponder this a bit longer.

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    2. Not only is loading the dishwasher important for cleaning, it’s also important for unloading! I’m a very visual and logical thinker….Dave knew this when we married.

      As to taking away his gadgets….no way! He may not see things like us women, but I do love the guy and would never risk an intervention.

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      3. Susan, you’re a wise woman! Same here; HH is a nightmare but I love him to bits. And I have to say: He never complains about me…. He leaves that to his doting wife! 😉

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  2. Oh wow, SO MUCH to unpack here. Sawsan.

    Llike you, I have leaned hard into the ‘fix DK’ challenge…my sphere of attempted influence has been sleep, diet and exercise (and yes, I am a glutton for punishment). As you have likely gathered, I have failed miserably in all efforts to get him to perfect a 2-minute plank, forego a pint of Talenti, or embrace the Apollo wearable for better sleep. He is in many ways a palimpsest…one we all cherish.

    Rage on, friend! Your posse is standing by….

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    1. Wow. I initially thought you said “Pimpliest” and said that can’t be what Lori said and had to look it up. Lori, I’ve had to moonlight with a second job to fund all of the remedy’s that you have suggested to FIX ME. But we trudge on!

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  3. This was a most revelatory and interesting post, DK. 

    All this time, I’ve simply been a bystander watching it all from the sidelines. (Okay, okay, I’ll admit to inserting a comment here or there.)

    You seem to have bee struck by something. A sort of conscience? Realisation? What?

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          1. Right…. Not that I said anything other than I understand what Sawsan meant in the private message she sent me…
            I know you’ve never “officially” become an American but you have verily defected as you’ve lived more of your life over there than over here.

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          2. I had a wonderful aunt (who sadly has passed away), but she did Canada the favor of balancing out David’s ALLEGED defection: Born in Brooklyn New York, graduated Berkeley with a PhD in mathematics, and met her Canadian husband there (he also received a PhD in mathematics and became department head at the University of Toronto). So my wonderful (and my favorite) American aunt spent her entire career in Toronto teaching mathematics at a different Canadian university…devoting her life to improving young minds in Toronto. To counterbalance David, she never became a Canadian citizen. My hope is that this does something to balance out David’s ALLEGED defection. (It also gave me an opportunity to share that I am very proud of my aunt and uncle, who were very fortunate to become adults during the wild and crazy 1960s (yes, I’m jealous of them… Those sound like fun times (minus Vietnam)).

            (Does this comment make any sense? I’m not sure but it was fun to write!)

            PS: when signing my emails I refuse to put pronouns (he, him) after my name. I am not aware of when this movement started, but in my humble opinion it is a very strange thing to do, and slows down the entire internet by taking up unnecessary storage space. I will occasionally put the pronoun “it” after my name in an attempt to be an amateur comedian.

            PPS: I did not know I was a member of a very important 5% minority! Awesome!

            Happy Monday Everyone!

            I hope you will accept the dedication of my American aunt who did her utmost to serve young bright Canadians as something of a counterbalance to David’s ALLEGED defection 🙂 (Things often do balance out in the end 🙂

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          6. Hah! We’ll call it even.

            As for the whole she/her/them/he/it story… this would come in handy for a person with my name as I am constantly mistaken for a man (thankfully, sight unseen; otherwise, this would be a very sad situation). But people still don’t pay attention as my signature (at work) includes my title and in French, Coordonnateur is male and Coordonnatrice is female…. still get stuff directed to Dear Mr. Dale… Ah well.

            My sister’s eldest child declared that from now on they are to be known as a They, no longer a she. Effing hell… drives us all nuts.

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          8. They cannot know and, especially in Quebec, the only Dales they ever heard about are the hockey players – both men 😉

            Very kind of you 🙂

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          10. Dale, I have a niece called Sasha (baptised Alexandra) and her brother Dominique. You wouldn‘t believe how many times they were addressed as Mr Sasha and Mrs Dominique….. their parents did well when they chose these ‚unisex‘ names!

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      1. Apologies… my Been, lost its n… And how is this taking a cheap shot? I asked if you had come to a realisation of sorts…
        Poor bugger. You seem to be a tad sensitive…

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  4. What instigated this post, and then you Cara, what on God’s earth were you doing in front of a tractor? On a Sunday, God’s day!!!

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    1. Sawsan, I saw DK standing in front of it. I was worried about his state of mind. Who does such a thing at dusk? Then I realized… as we all know…. DK will risk life and limb to get (what he thinks) is the perfect shot. Glad I was able to snap the shot before he darted off. Like Batman…into the dark night (morning).

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      1. I’m still wondering what he plans to do with the tractor photo. I’m sure he has a post planned.
        Cara, you’re God sent, on God’s day 🤭

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  5. It strikes me that if someone proves indifferent to how the dishwasher’s loaded, you just save yourself the stress and do it yourself. Life’s too short to stress over such unimportant details.

    I note I’m not married and don’t give a darn about how the dishwasher’s loaded since I wash manually. “I stressed out how the dishwasher is loaded by the husband, then I met a woman who had to stress over how her husband washed the dishes by hand?”

    It doesn’t matter. Be happy he’s evolved to the point he doesn’t think of cleaning dishes as “woman’s work”. Those guys still exist and expect ” their” woman to do alot of stuff and pop out numerous babies, too.

    In the 19th Century, before soap purposed for washing dishes was invented, they’d just wipe them cleanish with a rag or scrape food off the dinner ware. Ugh! Feel blessed the husband even puts the dishes in the dishwasher one way or other.

    Micromanaging the spouse is a good way to destroy a marriage. That does matter.

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      1. I get tired of whiners and get upset with myself when I catch a low-grade whine coming out of me! I don’t understand some of these domestic issues that turn into fodder for divorce attorneys when they could be dealt with in-house, no bloodletting and children, if any, not cowering in their bedrooms when mommy and daddy are ripping throats out and tossing things over trivial matters.

        “I’ll load the dishwasher right, Mommy, if you’ll stop scaring me when you yell at Daddy!” […says a teary child, shaking in fear of becoming the ward of the state again]

        So much for writing a horror film script!

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          1. I used to put up with it but felt used and abused. The older I get, the more I take the attitude that these people need to realize they aren’t the center of the universe.

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  6. Well, David, I may be a female and feel like one, but when it comes to thinking, I think mostly like a man. WGAS… the devil is in the details. On God’s day, it’s every day.

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  7. I think your cadre of capable ladies should in theory, render you a tad rueful – or not, ‘cause in all likelihood, they’re going to love you anyway. I am a bit unclear about what if anything, you provide in the areas of housekeeping…be happy that you garner this much attention…,

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  10. …Thinking back to your great piece of writing on April 17th post… (Old) Man Down…”

    So what you are saying is I’m a Coot and Elderly! OMG, I’m spiralling!

    🙂

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  11. I like to accept people where they are. whether that’s in a park in the early morning, with a camera and a swan couple, negotiating the fine art of dishwasher loading/not loading, or rambling through life with groaning bones, it’s you and that’s enough.

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  12. Came for the blog….staying for the comments!

    First of all, let’s be honest about who the real Queen/Heroine is…. SUSAN! A heroine is a woman admired (check) or idealized (check) for her courage (check), outstanding achievements (40 years…. astonishing!) or noble qualities (the patience she MUST posses day in and day out-remarkable). All hail!!!

    But if someone is needed to step in and make sure you find a way to “manage through another day”, I will proudly take hold of this role. THIS queen might add, that she worries about your self image. “Almost extinct”… pfffff…. not the way you pick up speed the moment anyone tries to engage in morning conversation. I’ve seen marathon runners use less take off speed. Alas, this is a cross I shall bear to ensure that you are exposed for the creative, intelligent, kind-hearted, spiritual and reflective man that you are. The world (and all of the intelligent people who follow this blog) are about to “LIVE & LEARN” all about the man behind the camera. 

    I thought this morning, on God’s day, with my concerned about @DKCT25 post…. we might have come to an amicable truce. I see now that I was wrong. A good leader admits to a shortsighted moment. But…..allow me to share a significant quote that hangs on a wall in my house. One in which I look at each morning as I leave for Cove. 

    “There will come a time when you believe that everything is finished. THAT will be the beginning” -Louis L’Amour 

    DK…. THIS is just the beginning. I do worry about your stamina, because I am not going anywhere. 

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      1. Why would you need to note…. to yourself…. that you just threw up in your mouth? Is this something connected to that age you keep mentioning?

        Just…..the….beginning.

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  13. First, proud to be in the 5% 👍. Agree with you on point #2. I don’t participate in charades either. I’m 64 and some things just won’t change for me. For you, just be happy you have an engaging audience and enjoy the back and forth. I like you just the way you are and still look forward to meeting you one day. 👍

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  14. Each Gift of A Day, is From God…

    “I’m white, old, and male, nearly extinct, at least that’s what I keep hearing — and that’s exactly what I feel each time I get up and my bones groan.” (look into taking some Boron & Nitric Oxide & Collagen & vit C & Benfotiamine, B1 by Natural Factors)

    Now this comment below is all in fun & contains actual quotes…

    …thinking back to your post of April 17th, (Old) Man Down <<< great writing btw

    So what you are saying is “I’m a Coot and Elderly! OMG, I’m spiraling!”

    Perhaps, you’ve had this tendencies? from the beginning? 40 years… which would explain “coaching”  along the way…I’ve done some “coaching” myself…Susan and I chose to marry Kind, Intelligent Men with Integrity & are Great Father’s who occasionally don’t remember the order of kitchen cleanup… (I do fuss when there is a chip on a plate or glass, as I have what one would say a collection <<< of dishes (China and all the finery that accomplices the collection, the silverware, the linens, the napkin rings, the candle sticks, vases, etc) mostly I love that he steps up to the sink washes dishes and cooks the meals) I call him the Do Everything Husband 🙂

    …and then today, you said:

    “Exposing me for what i am.”

    Wow. Let that sink in for a moment.

    and I say:

    A Good Human

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    1. Awwwww. Comment of the Day. Thank you Christie. As to “Boron & Nitric Oxide & Collagen & vit C & Benfotiamine, B1 by Natural Factors” – it all sounds frightening! 🙂

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  17. It was an amazing comment traffic. Dear David, I am in fifty fifty in this post, I mean I support women and also I support men too. In my life, of course when I need help from my Love, I ask and he helps me… But usually I don’t want to do anything in the home, because after all I have to put everything in order again or fix it. So, that’s better for me to do everything in the home. This post was amazing and really made me to laugh. Thank you dear David, Love, nia

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    2. I KNEW that marrying HH (Hero Husband!!!!) would be an ongoing challenge, but then I couldn‘t ever resist a (do-able) challenge…. 26+ years later I still can‘t fathom that we are, in fact, still married nor could I say I understand HH better than 30+yrs earlier when I met him and his brilliant but incomprehensible mind.
      What I had a problem with was the lack of care when it concerned dishes, glasses etc. I had a quite lovely collection of Victorian dishes, plates and more, but I think, apart from 2 glasses (different ones) every single piece of iron stone, porcelain, glass, jar, cups or vases has been demolished and broken. I HAD to change my attitude or I wouldn’t be here to tell the tale. It‘s – for me, in the end a question of How much can I / am I willing to ‚put a value‘ to things which have very little importance on my well-being. And I actually CAN live without those precious things, I learned to buy stuff which (that?) doesn’t give me heartburn when they get broken or chipped.

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        1. Dave, I‘m quite afraid you would….. you both are wired differently to us ‚quite normal‘ people! I do feel for Susan though – and I know we both love our men although they give us a lot of (unnecessary) grief.

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  19. Gosh, I didn’t realise that one single post could possibly elicit such an emotional, angry, funny, and diverse response. And let’s not forget, it all started on the right way – the only way – how to load/unload a dishwasher. Well, I might be the only writer here who has the opposite problem. I load the dishwasher the only way it makes sense and then (occasionally, lucky me) HH pulls everything out and re-arranges everything in his way…. That’s also when stuff gets chipped, falls over, stems break, and more mayhem happens later when things fall by trying to open the machine and pulling the trays out. My opinion after many years of struggle: it’s not worth a fight. Bear it and grin.
    I’m not entering the mine field of Sawsan’s and lately Cara’s views. I love them both, as I love you and I’m not the judge of anything. So fight your own battles, I fought too long and gained absolutely nothing but the valuable lesson that it wasn’t worth it.

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      1. IF I had a blog, this would certainly, at one point or another, feature in a post. But then my whole life with HH is a saga of never-heard-of stuff and nobody can understand that we are still reasonably happy and continue to be happy…..

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